A Day in Court in East Texas

[glbt_equality]

Day 1 - July 3rd, 2007

I spent the day in a Tyler, TX court yesterday to monitor an case involving the custody of a 6-year-old child in a case where the biological mom happens to be lesbian. I showed up to show my support, but also to keep an eye on our judicial system, having been made aware of cases in East Texas where bigoted judges have "stolen" children away from their biological parents after discovering that mom or dad was gay.

It was a typical day in family court, really… an estranged couple arguing about whether mom had the right to take their six-year-old son with her when she moves from East Texas to Missouri.

It should have been a “no-brainer” for the courts. After all, the mom already had full custody. The dad’s long and unmitigated history of violence and alcoholism had long ago led to his forfeiture of custody in the courts, and there were no existing restrictions on mom’s ability to leave the area.

Dad’s history of indifference had also been well documented. The courts had required his rare visits with the child to be supervised, and even then, he had a demonstrable history of cutting the visits short, returning his son home to mom after only an hour or two.

It should have been a “no-brainer.” Mom had, in fact, already bought a home in Missouri, enrolled in college, and even rented a U-Haul when dad’s last-minute injunction brought everyone back into court.

As the litigation began, it was at first unclear what the dad was trying to do. He had a lousy track record, a criminal history, and a demonstrated lack of interest in his own son. So what was his point?

Then it all became clear, in a question from dad’s attorney. You see… mom’s attorney had brought to the stand dad’s alcohol abuse counselor to testify that dad had told her during a session: “I will never stop drinking, because alcohol is the most important thing in my life.”

Well, this revelation visibly infuriated dad’s lawyer, who laid the groundwork for dad’s injunction in a single cross examination question:

“Are you trying to tell this court that this child would be better off living with a lesbian than with an alcoholic?”

The answer from the counselor was, of course, “yes… yes I am saying that.”

During this process the judge, a rotund “no-nonsense” kind of guy, seemed frequently distracted, expressing little interest in the proceedings. His expressionless non-reaction betrayed no clue as to his own thoughts on the matter.

The offensive question posed by dad’s lawyer was apparently not unusual for East Texas. There were no objections… no responses from the audience… not even a gasp, with the exception of my own gasp. Dad’s lawyer simply continued his cross examination… which should have easily proven to the court that this counselor did not hold gays in sufficient contempt to be considered a credible witness.

I would have liked to add to the counselor’s testimony that CDC statistics show children brought up in lesbian households are safer than children brought up in households intolerant or hateful towards gays and lesbians,* but of course, I wasn’t a witness. Instead, dad’s lawyer asked dad’s witnesses questions like,

Q: “Can you describe [mom’s] relationship with her new partner?”
A: “They’re lesbians.”
Q: “And what do you mean by that?”
A: “Well, they’re a couple.”
Q: “What kind of couple?”
A: “They’re a couple that has lesbian sex together.”

Apparently, while a straight couple could have simply been in a “relationship,” the description of the gay couple wasn’t complete until the term “sex” was stipulated.

After several hours of such proceedings, it was 5pm and most of mom’s witnesses hadn’t even had an opportunity to testify, so the judge continued the proceedings until Thursday morning, the day after our national July 4th holiday. Does anyone else find it a little on the smug side that we’re pausing proceedings against the freedom of a lesbian mom in order to celebrate our freedom?

In any case, I’ll be there on Thursday morning, at the Tyler courthouse, to see what happens next. I am hopeful that the judge does not hold the same biases that seem so typical of East Texas. For all I know, he’s a just man who will make a just decision. But I’ve also learned, since moving to East Texas a year and a half ago, not to take anything for granted. More to come….

Troy Carlyle



*Lesbian, Gay, Bisexual and Transgender Health
America’s gay and lesbian population comprises a diverse community with disparate health concerns. Major health issues for gay men are HIV/AIDS and other sexually transmitted diseases, substance abuse, depression, and suicide. Gay male adolescents are two to three times more likely than their peers to attempt suicide. Some evidence suggests lesbians have higher rates of smoking, overweight, alcohol abuse, and stress than heterosexual women. The issues surrounding personal, family, and social acceptance of sexual orientation can place a significant burden on mental health and personal safety.
http://www.cdc.gov/lgbthealth/index.htm

[u-dog]

Troy,

You should write an article on your experience of this proceding and submit it to a variety of local, regional, and national publications. Is there a "gay press" in Texas? You are a fantastic writer and I should think someone would snap up a piece like that.

Dave

[Daniel]

Great suggestion. You are a good writer Troy! How'd you find out about this case? Was it in the local papers?

[pnggrad79]

Troy,
I live in the repressive state of Texas. Although I love my home state, given the chance and the opportunity I would leave. It is simply unthinkable that a stupid judge would favor an alcoholic over a lesbian for custody. I am a teacher and I see everyday the horrible effects alcohol does to not only the drinker, but their families. Most lesbians I know, including myself, do not have sex out in the open where our children witness it. I am sure it occurs, as most of my children at school by the age of 9 already know more and have seen more deviant sexual behavior from heterosexual parents, than my personal kids have seen from me, a lesbian. (I actually had a parent of an 11 year old girl drop her off at the apartment of her boyfriend when she knew that she had been having sex with him. The mother said I was making a big deal out of nothing when I first reported it to her)

I hope that if this alcoholic gets custody that Lambda Legal, The Task Force, Equality Texas, HRC, GLAAD, and HERA are all over it. This poor lesbian deserves the custody of her child regardless of her history of being a lesbian.

Unthinkable, but doesn't surprise me. This whole state is messed up because of George Bush and Rick Perry. Can we please vote this loser out of office?

[glbt_equality]

Thanks for the compliments - and yes, I do plan to at least submit the article to various publications - though I somehow think it unlikely to see it printed in East Texas.

To answer your question, Daniel, no, it isn't in any local papers (yet) - I found about it through a friend of mine, who is the substance abuse counsellor who testified on "day 1." She invited me to join her after receiving her subpoena, knowing I would be interested.

And the saga continues.... here are my notes from the second day in court:

Day 2- Thursday, July 5, 2007

The rain was coming down in buckets, as it had been raining for the past week… the moisture being funneled up from the Gulf in continuing torrents and coloring the day with a tinge of forlorn “waiting” for the near-forgotten warmth of sunshine.

Inside the Tyler Courthouse, there was much “scurrying about,” a nervousness among mom’s half-dozen witnesses and her lawyer – a former prosecutor who understood the importance of wrapping things up. Mom, the proud owner of an empty home in Missouri -- along with her partner, young son and loaded U-Haul trailer – had limited funds, and each day of delay weighed heavily.

No such impatience for a decision seemed apparent among dad’s tiny entourage – his attorney seated comfortably in the corner and exuding the calm sentiment of, “hey… no skin off my teeth.”

And there was a delay… a further delay that had begun at the closure of Tuesday’s proceedings and now threatened to bring the court to a standstill today as well. Dad’s small entourage had apparently ignored the judge’s stern admonition, after being sworn in, of not discussing the case while waiting to be called to testify. In their attempt to subvert the judge’s order, they had been seen furiously “texting” each other on their cell phones. So the phones had been confiscated by the court and the service providers had been subpoenaed in order to determine the nature of the textual conversations. The proceedings could therefore not continue until this little “trial within a trial” could be concluded. We all suddenly found ourselves at the mercy of cellular bureaucracy, and were now looking at July 27th as the earliest opportunity to get everyone back together.

I could almost feel the smile creeping across dad’s and his lawyer’s faces…. After all, dad’s interest in his son paled in comparison to his interest in making his mom’s life miserable. Even if he was losing the war, he certainly seemed to be winning the battle.

Mom’s attorney wasn’t ready to throw in the towel quite yet, however, and asked the judge whether he might recognize the extraordinary burden such a delay would place on their family, and allow them temporary permission to move to Missouri.

This request caused grave concern among both the judge and dad’s lawyer, who piped up, “Your Honor, you don’t have enough information to make that decision yet!”

The judge, working through his decision as he spoke, responded to the mom, “It’s not a question whether you can move, ma’am… it’s a question of whether you get to take the kid with you – out of the county.”

“Your honor,” mom’s attorney chimed in, “[dad] has been convicted in a court of law of slashing [mom’s] tires and is a known violent offender, as well as being on probation for failure to pay child support for 10 years… of course the child should go with [mom].”

At length, the judge made his decision that mom could make the move to Missouri and, at least for the time being, take the “kid” (as he kept referring to her child) with her. Dad must be allowed visitation at a predetermined location halfway between Tyler, TX and their new home, however, and the judge stipulated that local law enforcement must be notified of possible violence between mom & dad at the meeting location.

But just as we all started to breath a sigh of relief, knowing that at least mom’s family would be able to continue their relocation, the judge added, “But don’t think this is over or that my decision is made – not by a long shot.”

Dad’s lawyer, perhaps bolstered by the judge’s remark, then made an awful request: “And your honor, can we make some ruling disallowing the girlfriend to live in the same home?”

The judge eagerly complied, stating that it would only be fair, after the court had disallowed dad’s girlfriend to be within 100 feet of the child. He then called his ruling a “no shacking up” order that disallowed any affairs on the part of either parent outside the bonds of marriage.

The judge failed to acknowledge, however, that dad’s girlfriend had been “banned” from the child’s presence only after she failed the court-administered drug test. The judge certainly knew that mom isn’t allowed to marry her girlfriend. In other words, dad could easily subvert the order by marrying the woman who failed the drug test, while mom’s girlfriend (who had passed the drug test) had no such relief.

Instead of calling it a “no shacking up” rule, the court would have been better served if he had accurately named it a “no lesbians” rule.

How distasteful it must have been for this judge to be forced to leave a child in his lesbian mom’s custody only because of the small issue of dad’s violent history.

As the court was dismissed and we wished mom a safe journey, the question from dad’s lawyer still echoed in my mind: “Are you trying to tell this court that this child would be better off living with a lesbian than with an alcoholic?”

As long as the mom isn’t allowed to be lesbian, the answer, for now, seems to be “sort of, but barely.”

more to come

Troy Carlyle

[u-dog]

Troy,

When (pray God) Mom and partner and son are safely living in Missouri and you present this piece for publication... make sure that you include the NAME of the judge in your article! He needs to be exposed for the hypocritical incompetant that he is.

[BrentRichards]

Originally Posted by u-dog

Troy,

When (pray God) Mom and partner and son are safely living in Missouri and you present this piece for publication... make sure that you include the NAME of the judge in your article! He needs to be exposed for the hypocritical incompetant that he is.

Here, here!

[pnggrad79]

When we were going through a divorce, my ex asked the judge here in Galveston to prevent my gf from living with us. The judge asked him, "Sir, has she not been living with you in your house for the past 2 years" He said, "Yes, she has." Then the judge said, "Well, if you had a problem with the relationship she and your wife have, you should have already made her move out. She can stay as long as your wife approves." I just smiled. He scowled because he lost.

Ironically, the judge is a single woman, who has had rumors about her sexuality swirl around her and I guess she probably resented the implication that lesbianism is wrong. I don't really know, but the point is he lost and my gf who became my wife was allowed to stay and I won.

I feel so sorry for this poor lady and her child. Maybe if she had lived in Dallas, Austin or Houston, it would have gone differently for her. I hope wherever she moves that they are at least a little more accepting and she can bring it back to court.

Texas is a beautiful state and it is my home, but if Rick Perry gets elected again, I am going to personally revolt. This guy is just a loser and gets paid off by the Religious right in this backward state.

[Progo35]

This case just BREAKS my heart. Is there anything that people can do to be supportive of this woman, such as by writing letters to various leaders? How horrible. This is particularly relevant for me because I know how important it is to be in a loving environment as a child, and how terminally damaging abuse is. I will be praying for this family.

[glbt_equality]

I have made the mom and her attorney aware of the tremendous outpouring of support you all have expressed.. and Progo, I just forwarded your letter to mom's lawyer as well.

I am in agreement with just about everything everyone here is saying, as the apparent prevailing hate-filled attitudes in East Texas continue to bewilder me.

That's why I'm writing articles and talking about it. It seems that every day I find a someone new who's interested in making a difference. It doesn't happen overnight, but if we keep speaking the truth, then someday the seeds of hope will bear fruit.

I'll keep you posted regarding this case, which has been continued until July 27, 2007. In the meantime, keep the faith!

Peace & love, Troy

[ladyinred]

Only an idiot would put a child with a neglectful alcoholic father. That is not in the child's interests or welfare. They act like being a lesbian is some crime, but I've always said that the sexual orientation of the parent shouldn't matter as long as the parent is a fit and responsible parent. Obviously being a straight parent doesn't make dad a good parent does it? He's an alcoholic and has shown neglect toward his own child without seeming to be interested in changing. Any court that would put the child in the hands of a bad parent based on the other parent's sexual orientation, I would personally hold responsible for helping to perpetrate neglect and abuse of a child. Again being straight does not automatically qualify any parent as a good parent, that's why we hear of shelters for battered women and have an epidemic of child abuse. I'm not saying a LGBT parent can't and doesn't ever abuse. But the point is being a good parent has nothing to do with what you do with your sexuality. If she has shown that she is a good mother the court needs to think about the child's interests and the child needs to stay with the mother.PERIOD.

[ladyinred]

Pngrad,I live in Texas, and agree with you, but what they are doing to the environment here is a disgrace. they seem to have a nonchalent attitude about things, but what kind of legacy does that leave future generations? If they would stop worrying about small stuff like whether someone was a lesbian or gay , they might attend to the more important issues that are negatively impacting people's lives here in the states, like the environment, global warming, the war, outsourcing of jobs, the deficit, the quality of education, poverty and medical care. Looked at from that perspective, it would seem like their obsession with gays is quite silly and if more people would stop and think about things , they would see things from a clearer perspective .

[Progo35]

pnggrad-I agree, Perry sucks. (Pardon me.) During the last futile care debate, where doctors wanted to terminate the treatment of a child against the mother's wishes, Perry's spokesman said, "this is a very tragic situation and the governor's heart goes out to Mrs. Gonzales." Oh, that's nice. Of course, despite the fact that as the governor he has the power to overturn that law, he DID ZIP. Of course, I don't know that someone who was affiliated with either right or left would adequately address this, because it doesn't seem to be very important to either end of the sphere. Yeah, so (hopefully) the end of his tenure will improve Texas, although Texas has had the highest killing rate in the death penalty, prejudice, futile care law and other problems LONG before he entered the picture.

[ladyinred]

It would be nice if we could get rid of the idiots in politics. for sure.

[ladyinred]

I hope the courts will look at this mothers intentions and her heart . If they leave that child to the father as far as I'm concerned that is child abuse. I am personally sick of people defining parenthood in terms of what we do with our genitals or who we love. Frankly equating parenthood with sex?????????? Yeeeeeesh. Do they not look at the parent and how they parent. Sorry I don't buy into that heterosexuals automatically make better parents because they are straight. From personal experience I can tell you some stories that they can also be pretty rotten parents. I hate to say this about my dad but he was a prime example. I'm not by any means saying that all heterosexuals are bad parents , but what needs to be looked at is what type of parent is the parent? Just because you can make babies and have sex with the opposite sex does NOT qualify you as a good parent. ( How many children have single mothers because dad dropped out of the picture or was abusive? How many don't pay child support?)Even teenagers can make babies(Some as young as 13 do). Even a prostitute has sex with the opposite sex, is that somehow a redeeming quality? If the judge had any kind of sense and decency he would look at the mother's intentions and her parenting and what kind of home she would provide for her child. What makes a fit PARENT? Now really.

[glbt_equality]

Day 3

------------------------------------------------------

At the time of the third day in court (July 27, 2007) I had to be in San Antonio for a Texas Health Center seminar. My friend, Lou Anne, was there however, and took notes for our “Day 3 Update.”

To cut to the chase… I think everyone will be happy to know that mom was pleased with the outcome – that the trip back to Tyler from her new home in Missouri in order to satisfy the injunction posed by dad and his grotesquely anti-gay attorney was worth the trouble….

Most of the real “action” on this day apparently occurred outside the province of court – in huddles among attorneys and offers and counteroffers – so that by the time the bailiff got around to the “All rise” part, the two formerly embattled parents seem to have come to their own agreement.

By all accounts, it would appear as though dad didn’t have many options, and may have been fearful of the judge’s reaction had it not been for his own preemptive “capitulation” – a surrender, of sorts, in order to minimize his own imminent losses.

And here’s where the story gets interesting. If you recall, several of dad’s witnesses had been accused of colluding-by-means-of-cellular. Their phones had been confiscated, and phone company records subpoenaed. Well… today, there seemed to be some real concern that there may be something to all of that – the fear being that these young witnesses may actually have to serve jail time – and all of which was not expected to sit well with the judge.

Additionally, the dad has apparently been served with contempt charges for not paying his son's healthcare costs.

And as if all that wasn’t bad enough, dad had made matters worse for himself during the interim between court dates by once again leaving early during his singular visitation with his son. At his second opportunity for visitation, he failed to appear altogether – all of which only served to highlight his own lack of interest in his child.

So… needless to say… dad’s “case” wasn’t looking very strong. After some huddling, a few offers and counter offers, dad agreed to drop his injunction, which effectively removed the decision from the judge’s province. Readers will be happy to know that, while dad is still allowed occasional supervised visitation, mom, girlfriend and son are all allowed to live happily ever after in their new home in Missouri, where mom is also embarking on a new career, a new college regimen… a new life.

We wish them the very best!

-- Troy Carlyle

[Daniel]

Troy-

Thank you for brearing witness to this case! I am so glad the best outcome was realized for the mother, her spouse and their child. That is a huge thing.

I spent some time in court myself- sitting on a jury- since your last message. Judges do indeed take cellular matters seriously. We were emphatically not allowed to use our phones in the jury room at any time. And if we needed to make a call, we had to ask permission from the judge.

An interesting twist to the case.

~


The larger question here seems to be: what would have happened had the father been a model citizen? Would he have prevailed in court?

Another reason why legal gay marriage is needed. If the mother's had been married, this case would not have come to trial.

[Progo35]

Thank goodness. I am glad that this worked out.

[scott snedeker]

Originally Posted by Daniel

Troy-

Thank you for brearing witness to this case! I am so glad the best outcome was realized for the mother, her spouse and their child. That is a huge thing.

I spent some time in court myself- sitting on a jury- since your last message. Judges do indeed take cellular matters seriously. We were emphatically not allowed to use our phones in the jury room at any time. And if we needed to make a call, we had to ask permission from the judge.

An interesting twist to the case.

~


The larger question here seems to be: what would have happened had the father been a model citizen? Would he have prevailed in court?

Another reason why legal gay marriage is needed. If the mother's had been married, this case would not have come to trial.

Get thee to Massachusettes! and find a new life!