Evangel College

[Daniel]

Hello,

I am new to this forum after watching of SoulForces's work over the past few years from afar here in NYC. It goes without saying that the work you are doing is much needed.

In 1981, I graduated from Evangel College (now Evangel University), an Assembly of God Liberal Arts College in Springfield MO. My junior year (I was a music education major), four seniors were expelled a few weeks before graduation because they were seen in the parking lot of a gay bar. Or course, I was in the closet at the time. It took me 4 more years to start to come to grips with my sexuality. Nothing prepared me for the process I went through, which was- metaphorically speaking- a 'fiery furnace'. Everything thought or belief I had had to be looked at and considered anew. I think myself blessed for having had this experience. And now, looking back, I understand (with some irony and humor) why Jean-Paul Sarte once remarked that "Hell is other people!"

Over the years since I graduated, I've been in touch with four other men that I sang with in Evangel's Concert Choir who are openly gay. We're all thriving and making the most out of our lives and loves. To a man, the AG church has not been welcoming: we have had to find our own place in matters of faith. Perhaps this will change for this current generation with efforts like the Equality Ride. I might not have come and talked to you if you had visited my campus back in 1981, but it would have given me secret hope.

Regards- Daniel

[schoolboi]

Glad you are here! I almost went to Evangel. My youth pastor growing up went there. I grew up AG myself. Hope you post more!

Corey H

[SolInvictus]

Welcome Daniel and glad you are here.

Yes, being gay & Christian, we go through our struggles, but can and do find success & peace. Attached is an article I published some time ago & perhaps it will offer some comfort.

[Zerbie]

Hello Daniel and welcome. Thanks for coming over and saying hello - look forward to more from you.

I can't imagine what it would be like growing up in a strict religious atmosphere, period, as so many on these forums have. I had a hard enough time knowing I was bisexual just in the secular world. When I was in college in the mid-90s, I didn't dare talk to the "gay activists," because I was was kind of scared of them, or rather - of being associated with them, as much as I held them in awe from a distance. It tickles me pink that now I identify so comfortably as an activist, as little as I am doing. But I am glad for the Equality Ride if even one closeted or questioning young person finds some comfort or inspiration from their presence on campus.

[Daniel]

Thank you for the gracious welcome!

Zerbie- I didn't grow up AG, thought I did become so when I was 15- my older siblings became converted after a rather disasterous encounter with a ouija board and other psychic happenings. This brought the AG experience into my family dynamic and I fell in with line with it, spoke in tongues et al. Still can. What this means in the big scheme of things is beyond my understanding- I must confess. Dealing with my sexuality has meant putting such things in perspective. That is not to say that I don't believe that such things have no meaning, but rather that I don't subscribe to the meaning that others may assign to such things. Being gay can seem rather unworldly in a way! As unworldly as speaking in tongues. Both, it seems to me, are what they are and defy left brain logic for the most part.

I salute you on your journey! Coming into one's own- it seems to me- is a life long journey worth taking.

[Jennifer5]

Welcome Daniel! Glad to have you here and I hope you will get involved in this community.... it's one you can always depend on in though times

[Vanessa White]

First of all, glad to have you here, part of what I think is a remarkable group of supportive persons. I like what you have to say about the meaning of things (such as speaking in tongues) to ourselves vs. what they may mean to others. I also think that is important and essential to having a healthy self-concept. Peace to you and again, Welcome!

[DoofSFNYC]

Hello Daniel and welcome to the forums. I wanted to reply specifically to what you said about watching Soulforce "from afar" while living in NYC... as you may have already found out, there *is* in fact a local NYC Soulforce group and we meet monthly (next meeting is next Tues, actually), and we're doing a TON of stuff, especially with the Equality Ride coming to West Point. Let me know if you want more info... and again, welcome and thanks for sharing your more "Evangelistic" perspective!

[Daniel]

Strange to say, but since I posted my first message a few days ago, I had lunch with a fellow Evangel Grad who I have not seen since I graduated 25 years ago. He is straight and married with a 10 year old daughter. Unusually, we are both classical musicians- an odd thing seeing that most Evangel graduates ended up in either music education or church music. It was a joy to see him. He had his Carnegie hall debut last night.

I've been in touch with 4 other gay graduates of Evangel this past year (we all sang in Concert Choir), all of whom aren't having much to do with the denomination of the school. They all got the boot as soon as they came out. I often imagine dozens of gay men sitting in my seat in the back row- a figurative position that will only change with efforts like the Equality Ride.

[DoofSFNYC]

that's definitely how I imagine generations of young gay catholic men, in the seminaries, where, because they have to be celibate, it's much easier to be closeted, at least officially. I honestly used to get worried about finding a nice catholic boy cause i figured all the nice gay ones went to seminary! luckily the Vatican is kicking them all out (i'll be at the doors with a fishing net...) but also I've been able to broaden my idea of what a good mate would be... although I do think there's alot to be said for sharing the same religious upbringing with your partner.

[Daniel]

You've given the phrase "fishers of men" a whole new meaning.

My beloved is a refugee from the catholic church. The story of his confirmation is telling: he started up the aisle on his knees thinking he heard the go-a-head and looked back to see that no one was behind him. Being a good boy, and recalling the rules of the road, he went all the way up the altar, made a U-turn and came back just in time to see a habited nun faint. Not an auspicous beginning.

[Daniel]

I've been sticking my toe in the waters of SoulForce for a very short time- reading the boards, seeing what is being said and not said, getting the lay of the land and trying not to embarrass myself too much.

What I would like to say is this: I am very glad that a place like this exists. This forum, and what it represents, is so needed right now. And I am in awe of those in the Equality Ride. What they are working to accomplish is truly heroic.

[Zerbie]

Heavens, you haven't done anything of the sort!

I for one have greatly appreciated your posts - took some inspiration from your reminders about taking 20 minutes a day to quiet the mind chatter.

Thanks for being here. Please feel welcome to come back and post more often.

[schoolboi]

Glad you are here and enjoying the board! You are a blessing!

[Daniel]

As some who had been out of fundamentalism for a good many years, its been a real eyeopener for me to see the level of dialogue, and who, in fact, is engaging in dialogue these days.

It is heartening to see that a younger and- it should be noted- more open and 'comfortable in their skin' generation making its mark. This restores my faith in the most fundamental of matters: the Truth of Love.

When I left the AG 25 years ago, there wasn't any movement to take the issue of gay rights to close minded (dare I say that?) churches via direct action- everyone I knew was caught up in the AIDS crisis and just trying to dodge the bullet and take care of the dying.

The founders of SoulForce have created something big here.

[MarkDavid]

Hey Daniel,

Thanks for posting. My daughter graduated from Evangel a couple of years ago. I was in the closet (obviously) when I married her mom. I attended the reception for Soulforce equity ride in Dallas last night. I was very proud of the young people on the tour. If Soulforce had been around when I was in college I might have come out earlier and prevented a lot of heart ache for me and my family.

MarkDavid

[keltic63]

Originally Posted by MarkDavid

Hey Daniel,

Thanks for posting. My daughter graduated from Evangel a couple of years ago. I was in the closet (obviously) when I married her mom. I attended the reception for Soulforce equity ride in Dallas last night. I was very proud of the young people on the tour. If Soulforce had been around when I was in college I might have come out earlier and prevented a lot of heart ache for me and my family.

MarkDavid

but then, you wouldn't have the family that you have now, would you? I came out late too. I have 3 kids and every time I think about the problems that would have been prevented if I would have come out sooner, and had not gotten married, I am reminded that I also would not have the 3 precious gifts that I have as a result of that marriage. I believe that things work out as they should, for reasons that we may never know. Welcome to the forums MarkDavid.

[Daniel]

Hey MarkDavid,

Great to hear from you!

Wow! Your daugther graduated from Evangel recently. And I really 'get' your comment about coming out earlier. I wish I could have done that myself: I was in a 'coma' for years.

I really think things are changing- abet- slowly within the AG. I've had some contact recently with former -and straight- classmates who seem to be open in a way that surprises even them. It this a sign of things to come? I don't know, but it gives one hope.

Would like to hear of your experience...

Keltic63 makes an astute point about the way things work out. The words of the poet Gilbran come to mind here: "And think not you can direct the course of love, for love, if it finds you worthy directs your course."

Peace to you,

Daniel

[Zerbie]

Saying hello and welcome to Mark David. You've found an open and friendly place. Pleased to meet you.

[MarkDavid]

Thanks for your comments. I have been out for awhile and am very active in the gay community in Dallas. I attend the Cathedral of Hope which has the largest GLBT congregation of any church in the world. There are a lot of people there who grew up in conservative evangelical churches. I also sing in the gay men's chorus which is like totally cool.