balance? identity in being god's, not in being homosexual?

[megthenut]

hey all. in may, i finally admitted to myself and others that i am a lesbian, and that i am going to stop participating in a semi-exgay ministry, wanting to become heterosexual. since then, i have been reading quite a bit of material from the homosexual community, and thinking about this quite a bit. though i accepted myself in may, i have still been struggling with who i am, and who God wants me to be. i'm finding myself wanting to marry, to come out to the entire world, to find a church that will accept me as i am, etc. but, i also want to base my identity not in my sexuality but in the fact that i am God's. for the past few months, i feel i have been fully immersed mainly in my sexuality and questions and confusion in regards to it. and, i have felt disordered, off base. i know my sexuality is part of who i am, but not all of it, and i don't think, at least for me, that it's all encompassing, though i also know it affects all of who i am. i'm just struggling with balance, and with being homosexual as well as many other things. is this a normal struggle? does anyone have any advice? this is hard.

[Zerbie]

I think this is a multi-layered question, a very important one, that requires time and attention. I believe your feelings about this matter are very much rooted in all the soul-searching, contemplating, questioning, etc., that you have been doing in recent months. 4 months is a very VERY short time. Give things time to settle.

Of course there is more to life than a sexual orientation! But it is a big part of your life, and because your sexuality is marginalized, it will continue to be a bigger issue for you than for a straight person, because a straight person isn't outright ASKED to justify her existence based on being straight. But people will outright ASK gay people questions like that. People can make an issue out of this, and I know that isn't news to you.

Of course you are a child of God, and that's true whether you're lesbian today, ex-gay yesterday, bisexual tomorrow. . . truly, it is the inner you who matters, who is real, independent of your sexuality.

It sounds like maybe you are overwhelmed by all the questioning you've just been through and could use a vacation. Go read some books and watch some movies that have nothing to do with gay. Go dancing. Learn to speak Spanish. I don't know - SOMEthing that interests you to start rounding out your life a little bit more.

Go do something interesting, challenging, new, and fun. Get out there and live.

[keltic63]

I hear what you're saying meg. I think there is a period of time after we've come out to ourselves in which everything is "all gay-all the time" and life seems off-balance. But like a pendulum, life pulls itself back to some kind of equilibrium, and maybe you've reached the point where you long for that. So now is the time to start living life and not view it as gay or straight or anything else but your own life and all the different facets of that life.

I remember having that feeling after I came out. Everything was gay. eventually I started realizing that much of what I do, or am interested in, or am involved in, has nothing to do with being gay. I just happen to be a gay man that does those things. Like a good friend here says "be the change you seek." tired of reading the gay books, mags, blogs, etc. ??? move on to something else. go back to an interest you had before, research it some more. your life will gain some balance, I assure you.

[paul]

Dear Megan,
I'm not sure I can really add anything to the wisdom of Keltic and Zerbie.

But so you know there's another who hears you and cares...I'll write some thoughts.

"but, i also want to base my identity not in my sexuality but in the fact that i am God's"

If you are God's and you believe God made you gay, aren't these two one in the same? Doesn't it honor God for you to be honest and true to who you are? How much more does it honor "the Truth" when you have a tide to swim against?

I think Zerbie nailed it:

"Of course there is more to life than a sexual orientation! But it is a big part of your life, and because your sexuality is marginalized, it will continue to be a bigger issue for you than for a straight person, because a straight person isn't outright ASKED to justify her existence based on being straight. But people will outright ASK gay people questions like that."

Your sexual orientation is a big deal, not because you would make it such, but because the world around you, and the world you were raised in in particular, has made it so. Ask yourself how many years you spent in a closet denying, repressing, suppressing this part of you just to assuage the masses? Sadly it comes down to "live free or die," but that freedom has a cost, at least for us early settlers. Perhaps by living openly and honestly we can help mold a world for those who come after where their sexuality won't have to be front and center so much.

[keltic63]

Originally Posted by paul

I think Zerbie nailed it:

"Of course there is more to life than a sexual orientation! But it is a big part of your life, and because your sexuality is marginalized, it will continue to be a bigger issue for you than for a straight person, because a straight person isn't outright ASKED to justify her existence based on being straight. But people will outright ASK gay people questions like that."

Your sexual orientation is a big deal, not because you would make it such, but because the world around you, and the world you were raised in in particular, has made it so. Ask yourself how many years you spent in a closet denying, repressing, suppressing this part of you just to assuage the masses? Sadly it comes down to "live free or die," but that freedom has a cost, at least for us early settlers. Perhaps by living openly and honestly we can help mold a world for those who come after where their sexuality won't have to be front and center so much.

Yes! I wanted to reinforce that too, but I just started rambling. sometimes it feels like my orientation just hits me in the face because I'm not even thinking about how being gay affects any particular activity. It's not my preoccupation with my orientation, it's everyone else's concern that makes it an issue.

[BrentRichards]

Ditto the wisdom above (as usual) with this little thought to add ... this early on, it's easy to feel like it's all you're thinking about, and to a degree it may be, but that's at least in part because you haven't allowed yourself to think about it at all before ... it's catch up time, and the overfocus is totally natural. Don't sweat it. My two cents.

[tpdncr4christ]

I totally agree with everything said above.

Originally Posted by megthenut

is this a normal struggle?

I just had to point out how much I love this question hun. Of course it is normal! The most difficult thing for a homosexual Christian to deal with isn't the reconciliation of their faith, it's living with their faith. You have crossed a large milestone yes, you have accepted and realized who God made you, and now you have to live with it. Better yet, thrive with it. Think about it this way, if you found out after thirty years of your life that you had a twin, everything would change. You would realize that when you had a broken leg in the sixth grade but your head hurt instead it was because your twin was just knocked out on the other side of the state or something. You would find this gal, get to know, become friends with her and establish a relationship with her. But would that change your faith? Would that change your dreams? Your interests? Of course not! Things would change, and for a while you would go out every day to have lunch and dinner with your twin. Then it would be just going out for lunch or coffee, then it would be once a week, and then maybe once a month.

That's like being gay. Its the long lost twin you discover and you have to build a relationship with. You can't leave your old life behind, but you can't stick to it either. You can't deny you have a twin. Is this making any sense? Trust me hun, balance will come. Don't expect it to be immediate either, that only happens in movie montages with Mr Miyagi shouting "Wax on, wax off!"

[Gennee]

Striking a balance can be a challenge but it can be done. As a transgender individual, this was important to me-and it came rather easy for me. I am also a crossdresser. I have found the balance with my masculinity and femininity.

God is interested in our heart, not that we are lesbian, gay, transgnder, bisexual, or what ever. My testimony can be found on www.epistle.us. Looke under 'Testimonies' and the title 'Transgender And a Christian'.

Gennee

[Pablo Rafael]

Also for me the most important aspect of my being is that I am a child of God. I originally started out with the idea of being an oversees missionary. Then I channeled my energy into the teaching ministry. I have taught in religious schools for my whole teaching career. I am constantly amazed at the love of God.

I view myself as a gay child of God. They are not in conflict. (Though others may see them as such.) Being gay is part of whom I am in Christ. My sexual orientation is not the defining aspect of my life, but it is certainly of importance.

I don't think heterosexuals ever see the need to balance whether their sexuality is as important as their faith. (Unless I am missing something.) Their sexuality seems to go hand in hand with their faith. That is how I see the walk of gay Christians; our faith and sexuality go hand in hand working together.

Tu Amigo, Pablo