Transformation: a short story: introduction

[scott snedeker]

Jeff felt enough courage to tell his Uncle Kyle what he had been holding back. "Uncle Kyle do you remember when you asked me if I was hooked on drugs?"

"Yes"

"I umm It was like Umm....... It was meth!" He finally got it out!

Kyle's stomach turned. Somehow he couldn't bear the thought and his medical training did not prepare for this reaction.

"How long did you use it?"

"Um two weeks"

"Well I think it's a good thing that you stopped. Promise me something Jeff and You have to really mean it." Jeff nodded

"Promise me that you will talk to me when you feel bad. I will listen. There is no secret that you have that will make me stop loving you. Love is what makes pain go away, not meth or booze or pot or any other drug"

Jeff almost was Going to tell Uncle Kyle his biggest secret but he was still afraid and not ready yet. He was still ashamed of it and had to look away.

Right now he didn't want to be touched. He felt, well untouchable somehow. He couldn't Look Kyle in the eye right now.

The next day his heart leaped when he saw David again getting out of the Pickup at school. "David!"
"Jefff!" he hollered back

They put their arms around each other's shoulders oblivious to the looks and grins of the other students. Jeff's face just wouldn't stop smiling all day and neither would David's.

"Jeff! D'ya wanna sleepover at my house Friday night?"
"Wow! that sounds like fun we can stay up all night if we are quiet"

"I'll ask Mom. My other brothers and sisters do it it all the time!"
"I'm sure my uncle won't mind."

"That's a great Idea!" Kyle said when Jeff asked him. Kyle strongly suspected the nature of David and Jeff's friendship and wanted the two of them to explore this side of their nature. He remembered his first "Sleepover" and smiled at how incredibly naiive young boys can be.

"Oh and Uncle Kyle?"
"yes"
"I Promise"
Kyle grinned and gave Jeff a big hug.

He Talked with David's mother on the pay telephone at the service station (He hadn't had a telephone for two years) who also was happy. "Your Jeff and my David are just stuck like glue! All David talks about is Jeff. I'm so glad because I was so worried that my David was sulking and unhappy for so long."

"I'll call you in the morning to see how it went."
"Okay Doctor We'll take good care of your nephew."

Jeff threw a sleeping bag Kyle got out of the shed into the back of the Pickup and opened the door. "Jeff this is my older brother Donny." Donny looked about twenty with darker brown hair but similar features to his younger brother. "Pleased t' meet ya ,cuz!" He said as he reached past David to shake Jeff's hand. The ride was about twenty-five miles of bumpy road Until they came to a big white farm house that seemed to go on forever. Inside it was warm and the smell of chicken cooking was unbelievable. Jeff met all the brothers and sisters and David's mother Who gave him a big hug and a kiss. "Help me set the table, Jeff. The silverware and the napkins are in that drawer over there."

Everyone pitched in. David's mom showed him how to set a place and soon it was time to eat. David sat next to Jeff of course. "Wait we have to say grace" he whispered . Donny lead the blessing then finished with Amen that was echoed around the table. Dinner was great then David's mom said: "Okay now you boys go ahead up to David's room so that you can have a break from the rest of us!"

She smiled as David lead Jeff away and up the stairs and into David's bedroom. David closed the door lean against it and sighed smiling at Jeff.

"They are quite a handfull. You look like your are going to turn inside out or something."
Jeff smiled back "It's not so bad. " Jeff looked af David and could tell He was feeling the same attraction. David walked over and held Jeff for the first time since that day they met. He looked into Jeff's eyes and kissed him. Jeff felt funny but he definitely liked kissing his special buddy. It didn't feel wrong at all. He kissed back. He felt his body tingle all over.
He kept kissing David and David kissed him back for an hour.

Then suddenly the door opened with David's Mom standing there with two bowls of ice cream. She was speechless and set the ice cream down on the desk, turned around and calmly walked down the stairs like nothing happened.

Jeff's chest turned ice cold and his face burned with shame. He panicked and ran down the stairs, though the Living room and out the door. He ran into the cold wintery night down the road into the pasture and into the woods. He heard David Calling after him: "Jeff! Jeff!"
Jeff tripped over a Rock and felt his ankle snap with a deep boring pain. AHHHH! He tried to stand but his ankle just folded over sending another wave of pain. He began to get very cold and realized that maybe it is best that he die right here. After an hour he saw a flashlight and heared Donny yell "I found Him! Jeff are you okay?"

"I think my ankle's broken!"
"Here stand on your good leg" Donny Bent down and eaily lifted Jeff with a Fireman's carry. David and his mom were carrying flashlights. We need to get you to your uncle to look at this she said.
Jeff looked up a her. "I'm so sorry he whispered."

Donny carried Jeff into the house and gently set him on the floor.
"Donny can you go get Doc Colrain and tell him Jeff has broken his ankle?"

Kyle heard the knock on his door. He opened the door and Donny stood there. "Jeff's broke his ankle we need your help."
"How did that Happen?"

"He ran into the woods in the dark and tripped on a rock"

"Was he playing?"
" I don't think so. Something scared him and he ran out of the house."
When Kyle arrived at the farmhouse David's mother was trembling and pale.

Kyle looked at Jeff and stroked his head. "It's Okay! Nobody's going to hurt you. I'm your Uncle remember."

Jeff nodded.

"I made you a promise remember?"

Jeff nodded again.

"Donny, can you leave your Mom, David and me alone with Jeff?"

He nodded with a look of dawning realisation on his face.

"Gladys, do you know why David seems so happy now? "
Silence.
"Because he and Jeff are in love"
"Oh God!"
"Now I Know that you are struggling with the thought that David is gay"
"No! No, that's not it! I've Known for some time but just didn't want to face it! What's killing me Is that I caused you to hurt yourself, Jeff. I'm so sorry! What you and David have is beautiful! Everyone sees it! Thats why they grin, they just don't know it!"

David looked at Jeff. It was true. He was in love..with his special buddy. He went over and held Jeff fom behind and kisssed him on the back of his neck. Jeff reached his hand up and gripped David's arm.

Jeff felt the weight of the world lift off of him. Somehow, his broken ankle wasn't very important or painful right now.

He was finally home.

[scott snedeker]

Kyle, his hands wet and pasty with plaster after changing Jeff's cast looked up. "The bones appear to be mending well, sweetie just like this coconut here." He Smiled as he mussed up Jeff's hair.

If Jeff could purr he would have every time Uncle Kyle touched him. Jeff could tell his "coconut" was healing. The periods that he wanted to die were very infrequent and short. He only cried once in the past two weeks. He finally could telll Uncle Kyle about his parents who were Jehovah's witnesses. His father literally kicked him out of the door when he was caught with a copy of Out! Magazine.

That lead to life on the streets for a few weeks before he had his first hit of meth. His memory of the next 2 weeks are just a hazy blur. It all seems like a remote nightmare now, fading to insignificance. Each day was so filled with love and renewal. Spring was heralded first by skunk cabbage in March, then snow drops followed by daffodils and fiddle heads.

The warm sun made him overheat in his heavy clothes and the blue skies filled with Geese and ducks returning home. He lost awareness of his ankle and jumped with glee.

"Ow! Damn!." He Giggled as David shook head clucking

"Dum Dum!"

He was staying more nights with David now than He did with Kyle and Lewis.
Kyle cherished the nights Jeff stayed with him but it was clear that Jeff's home was with David and his family. Jeff took the two names for himself and became Jeff Colrain Fennimore
Kyle was staying for dinner more often with David's Mother and her Clan also. Of course Lewis stayed for dinner too.

Jeff 'N David were a couple at school and in town. The radiance of their young love seemed to melt predjudice before it surfaced in the local folk, who all knew each other anyway. Their presence brightened the room wherever they went and folks looked forward to their visits.

Jeff usually created harmless mischief, getting in and out of minor trouble that was tolerated by most. David usually went along. When some of the kids "scored some weed" however, Jeff would always turn away with a knot in his stomach. The memories of losing control of his life and body just a few years ago would always hang back. He never wanted to go there again. That was the damaged part of his "coconut" that he recognized should not be activated. He had so much love in his every day that made him feel good that he could always find a better thought when bad emotions loomed.

Kyle was brimming with pleasure at this development and complimented Jeff on his recovery:
"This is a sign sweetie, a sign that the injury to your brain that resulted from the emotional and chemical trauma is not overwhelming. Some folks never reverse or compensate and the organic injury continues to suicide or death by other means, as the organic condition of the brain deteriorates."

"And that's why you helped me break your window?" Jeff grinned.

"Yup that was the first sign I saw that you might make it. It was close a couple of times though. More than once I feared you were losing the battle. Keep you thoughts feeling good. Don't accept anything said from somebody that makes you feel bad. It's deadly poison. It is all their own poison and none of yours. The better you feel the healthier your brain develops and recovers."

Jeff's future never felt so secure and bright. He was in control and he could do it.

He looked up at Kyle directly into his gentle eyes. "You saved my life, you know."
"I know, and I would do it again, because you are my special shining boy!"

For the first time Jeff could accept this about himself as truth, without hesitation.

[scott snedeker]

Jeff Pulled himself back from the memories of half a lifetime ago. His skills at meditation were the only thing keeping him sane during his captivity. He could place himself in a hypnotic state and relive anything he wanted with full focus. If he did not allow the trauma happening to him into his awareness, it was not real and doing no damage. He managed to convince his captors that He was David and the researcher that they were looking for.

He worried through when they threw his precious David over the side of the truck and down a mountainside. David was pretty toughly built farmboy, however, and could take his share of licks. Jeff focussed on this, imagining David with a few Bruises and a busted arm or something, but Okay overall.

What Jeff did know was that these pseudo science homophobic genetic terrorists were not only trying to eliminate the gay trait from the gene pool but were in the process dooming the species to irreparable damage to the species genome.

They had no accountability for the consequences of their self-hatred projected on openly gay people. Openly Gay people are beautiful threads of humanity's tapestry that by contrast expose that ugliness of self-hating people with same-sex attraction. The delusion that eliminating the trait will cure their self hate is as venomous as the Spanish Inquisition.

Claudette's accidental discovery of an "anti-gene" in the retrovirus combined with similar research from half a century ago by Nazi scientists unearthed by Pelosi has lead to the brink of development of an anti-gay gene retrovirus. The only problem is that they can't get it to work without David. The "Gay Gene" is infact not one sequence but a combination of sequences of nuclear and mitochondrial DNA. To "smoke out" this "gene" will condemn every conception to failure. Without the full compliment of mitochondial DNA, life does not start.... ever again.

This much David has told Jeff when Jeff asks:"What was your day like, Sweetie?" Jeff has been able to bluff well enough to save David, hopefully. The Lock on the cell door rattled and his captors appeared. Jeff blinked in the bright light. The face appeared. It was Pelosi himself.

"Okay David ! Let's see if you can be more successsful this time!" They lead Jeff out int the light.

[scott snedeker]

As Claudeete hung up the phone She looked up and screamed!

Sitting before her in a wheelchair is the ancient man it the photograph that she just put in her pocket. She pulls out the photograph. and wordlessly shows it to the old man and the old but younger white-haired man next to him.

"We are too late!" announces Claus.
"Not necessarily." as Kyle looks closely at the photograph.
"The Hunt has only begun, just like in the old days."
"What do you mean?"
"There are traces all over this apartment and I Have a hunch I'm holding one right now. You see the dirt over Lewis on this photograph?"
"Yes"
"Oddly yellow isnt it?"
"So?"
"You've lost your touch! that's sulfur! I'll bet my retirement!"
"Young Lady, Are you a friend of David and Jeff?"
Nods yes.
"And you work at Symtek."
"How did you Know?"
"I can read..... Your Badge."
"Oh! I forgot to take it off. I was so worried!"
"You don't happen to have access to an isotope scanner?"
"Well ah, ..in fact yes, I do."
Claudette used her badge at the D'Patri' research building
She smiled and winked at the security guard who raised his eyes, hopeful for a date.
"This is my old professor Dr Colrain and his partner. May I have two visitor badges?"

The security guard fumbles in the drawer and produces two used badges.

Claudette uses he badge and accese the lab next to hers. She scrapes off the soil into solution and runs the sample through.

Claudette pushed the Lid to the liquid nitrogen storage flask out of the way so she could read the analysis. Suddenly She sqeals in excitement:

" Radon! Radon ! What the hell! and an unusual distribution of sulfur and chloride isotopes. Whatever this place is it is certainly unusual...and probably Volcanic!"

"Is there a geological database? Let me call my friend?"
"Don't bother I got it!" Announced Claus as he logged into Isonet.

"I thought so! these isotope combinations are unique to the French Pyrenees right here!" as he points to a satellite map. Ovelaying the road map He locates a dirt road going straight through the region.

[scott snedeker]

"Mom!" what day is it?" But it was not home! How did I get here? Am I in Jail? The walls are stone but the door is open. Then a young brown-eyed curly-haired Monk appeared at the door.
"I Know you, I think? You look familiar."

Paco answered back, this time in thickly accented English. " I am Paco. What is your name my friend?"

"David...Um I need to call my moth-. Wait a Minute. This is not Bar Bay! I left there with Jeff in.... Amsterdam.. um Ah! Paris yes! Paris! .. I umm Why can't I remember!!!!"

"You were tossed on his head" answered Paco in broken english.
"The last thing I remember is leaving work at Symtek. And bits and pieces of your face. Where am I? Am I in Paris?"

"No, you is on San Carlos."

"Which country....UH Que Pais?"

Espana, en las Montanas Pironeas"

"Pyrenees Mountains! Concussion! Oh God! Where's Jeff? ...Donde esta Jeff?"
"No sabemos. You was alone, head broke."
"I need to get to a telephone!"
"I help you to find." Paco pointed down a trail going down to a village.
It looked like about five miles. It was mid day so they might get there a little after dark. David's heart filled with dread and he was frustrated that he had no memory of how he got here. The longer he thought the worse he felt about what happened. Jeff would have found him.....if he could.

It was shortly after dark when he arrived at the village He ran toward a filling staion where there was a pay telephone. After three tries with "emergencia" the operator put his call thru to Jeff's cell phone. No answer. He tried his own. No answer. Then he tried Claudette
"Hello !" His heart leaped ! It was her!
"Claudette! It's me uh David! Where are you?"
" Thank God! Oh! David! Where are you calling from!"
" Spain! from a village in the Pyrenees mountain........ UHH"
"San Carlos!" Answered Paco.
"San Carlos! Where's Jeff? "
"He's missing"
David's heart sank "he's not with you..........." his last hope crushed.
"David! we are coming to get you! I found San Carlos on the map. It's about three hours from where we are! Stay out of sight! We are in a white Range Rover! We are going to find Jeff! We have a lead!

Claudette hung up the cell Phone. "He's alive! and he sounds OK!" Then her face went pale.

"They took the retrovirus!"

"How do you Know?" asked Claus.

"The lid to the liquid nitrogen storage flask was on the counter. I had to move it to run the scanner. It contained the 'antigene'..... and David's project, is mapping the 'gay trait' part of the human genome project"

"Pelosi!" Answered Kyle and Claus simultaneously

".....and they have the wrong man" added Kyle.

[scott snedeker]

Jeff could barely see through swollen eyelids from the blows to his face. He was looking at a gelatinous "bar code" that was the map of the future and past of humanity. Of course he had no Idea what he was looking at or what to do next, so the blows kept coming.
He was beaten down and could no longer meditate to escape the injury. He started to have the same falling feeling he had when he was a street hustler strung out on meth. Mercifully, consciousness finally left him. In his nightmare, however, he could see Dollar Eddie beating him, asking where was the meth he had stolen.

Pelosi was enraged! In a fit he Kicked The Liquid nitrgen storage flask. A crack and a hissing sound came from inside. When He realized what he had done. He went to remove the lid quickly to salvage the retrovirus, but just as he turned the lid The intense pressure caused the vessel to explode. Shattering glass and hundreds of exploding test tubes containing concentrated virus peppered the room. Pelosi reached up to his face pulling shattered fragments plastic test tubes out of his face. No one was spared.

[scott snedeker]

David saw the headlights approach. It was hard to see in the dark but as the vehicle came closer he could make out the tell-tale grill of a range rover. It stopped and He recognized Claudette climbing out and ran to her. Paco followed right behind.

"Get in!" She shouted.

David pulled open the rear door and jumped in with Paco right behind.

He Blinked with disbelief "Uncle Kyle!" and threw his arms around as Claus sped off up the gravel road. The vehicle bucked and lunged over the rough road for an hour Until something caught his eye, Next to a side road was a rusted fallen sign.

Claus got out and examined it and a fresh tire track steaked with yellow. It was mostly obliterated, oxidized.... like it had been etched by acid!

"This is it! I Know it!" He turned down the side road tha switched back and forth along a decending hillside. At the bottom was a lighted metal building with a delivery truck parked outside. Claus hit the gas and accelerated toward the metal wall of the building.

"What are you doing ! are you crazy!" yelled Claudette.

"Cover your head!" Yelled Claus, and then there was a loud crash as the range rover plowed through the thin corroded metal wall that disintegrated. An expolsion went off in the vehicle as all of the airbags deployed.

Claus, his ears still ringiing, opened the door to peer through the haze. There were four men. Three were standing with dumbstruck expressions on their faces and one lying unconscious on the floor. Claus pulled out his pistol and trained it on Pelsoi.

"Don't shoot!" screamed Claudette. Claus looked over at her. "Trust me!" she growled through gritted teeth as she observed the exploded flask.

"Jeff!" Screamed David as reached over Paco to open the door and scramble out. Jeff's face was so bruised and swollen that he almost didn't recognize him. David dragged him to the back of the vehicle as Paco opened the door he thrust Jeff inside and jumped in with him.

Claus held the pistol on Pelosi and fired three shots above his head making all three duck for cover. Then he jumped in and drove the rover through the other side of the building. He could barely see through all the dust on the windscreen from the air bag that now tangled his feet. He turned on to the gravel road and roared up the mountain. Claudette used her shirt to wipe it clean enough to see through. Then she turned around.

"Stop the car!" she said.

Claus slammed on the brakes.

She reached into her sweater and pulled out a locket. She opened the locket containing six capsules.

"David! Wake up Jeff and have him swallow these!"

"What's that?"

"Trizivir! Jeff's been inocluated with the retrovirus. I keep them on me in case of exposure to the antigene retrovirus at my work. It will prevent it from replicating and unhinging the mitochondrial metabolic mechanism in his tissues."
"And cook from the inside out" added Kyle, he paused. "It would have been kinder to shoot them you know."
"They are the only ones to blame for the their fate," Claudette said calmly,
"Violent intentions create violent ends."

[scott snedeker]

Pelosi jumped up and yelled to the other two men.
"We gotta get out of here!"
They ran to the delivery truck. Pelosi grabbed the key and turned over the engine. He backed out and turned around heading out of the mine. He didn't know where to go so he followed the tracks up the gravel road made by the range rover.
After an hour and a half of driving his legs and shoulders ached. He finally came upon a paved road. And turned left heading north. Sweat dripped from his scalp and dripped more heavily each passing minute. His head throbbed. His mouth parched. A wave of sickiness passed over him. The road seemed to race toward him and away from him back and forth. The muscles in hs face tightened and ached. The muscles in his arms locked. He could no longer turn the steering wheel as he watch in horror as the trucked veered off the road heading directly for a large tree. The impact was deafening as his body was thrown forward through the windshield. All three men lay motionless in agonizing tetany in their last moments of life.

[scott snedeker]

The Thanksgiving turkey was being carved by Donny. His eight year old daughter Alicia with her curly blonde hair was sneaking up behind to snatch a piece of stuffing, her favorite part. This was quite ordinary except that it was Late July.
"Uncle Jeff!" she squealed "Gimme a horsey ride!"
"Why don't you go ask Uncle David?" Suggested Donny. "Uncle Jeff needs to rest."
Jeff got down on all fours on the living room rug. "I have one more ride left sweetie then it's Uncle David's turn."

Alicia squealed again and made running leap on to Jeff's back.
"Ooof! Sweetie you're getting a little big to jump on Uncle Jeff's Back like that."
" Take it a little easier Honey! We just sewed all Uncle Jeff's pieces back on" said David.



After a month in a hospital in Helsinki, Jeff had to get back home. He needed to see Mom and his nieces and nephews. David never left his side.

Kyle required hospital treament also. Though his spirit was up to the rescue, his body succomed to the stress with a series of heart attacks and pneumonia. To his disappointed, he survived and cursed his physicians. His cane was traded for a wheelchair which suited Lewis perfectly. Lewis rarely left his lap these days where he contentedly slept hours at a time.

He enjoyed watching the young children, Gladys.. and the kids, now all grown either married or with partners. It seems the gay gene blossomed three times in the Fennimore clan. But most of all he watched his beloved Jeff. He was so proud.
Jeff met Kyles's eyes and trotted over with Alicia on his back. "Ok go get Uncle David!" and she jumped off and ran over to where David was sitting on the couch.
"Are you Okay?" Jeff asked.
"Just watching my shining boy bounce back again like he always did. You gave me another lifetime of love, just when I thought life was finishing."
Kyle stroked Jeff's face. "Make me a promise, you remember, a promise?"
"What, Uncle Kyle."
"Be careful with your life, son. I need for you to promise you won't risk it "
"What do you mean?"
"I know what you sacrificed for David."
"Can you look at him and tell me you wouldn't do the same?"
Kyle looked over and smiled. "No, I guess you do have a point."
"You should know by now that I am a survivor and some people are worth taking risks for. You taught me that fifteen years ago. Some day I'm gonna go over and straighten those crooked screws on that windowsill we fixed."
"Don't you dare! I think of that day every time I look at them...and the brave young man who put them in!"

"There's a letter for you on the side table" Said Mom

David looked at the envelope. It was from Paco.


Carino David y Jeff,

"My heart is warmed to hear of your recovery. I still remember our time together and the adventure. Brother Fellipe tells me the the terrorists died on the side of the road not far from where you were thown. He said they died because they did not allow love in to their hearts.
I will love you always my brother. I would like to invite you and Jeff to stay here one day. You are always in my heart."

Your brother in Love and Christ,

Paco


Alicia turned on the television. "Today the spokesman at the Centers for Disease Control announced Public funding was approved for free access for preventative antiretroviral therapy to prevent spread of the Antigene retrovirus developed by the genetic terrorist Pelosi.

"We are all in this together. To survive as a species we have come to learn that Gay gene is a part of our design and destiny. That without it we have no future. There is no room for hate. We are created to love in many ways in order to continue living."

"Duh!" Announced Alicia.. "Grown-ups are so stupid!"

"Some are pretty smart" said Jeff, pointing to Uncle Kyle.

"Isn't the mind of a child a beautiful thing?" said Kyle.

[scott snedeker]

Steve was showing his friend, Matt the controls of the tractor before starting it and engaging the clutch after hitching the wagon loaded with hay bales. "You have to push the clutch in before hitting the brake. If you don't, you won't stop the tractor. You'll just make it mad!

The two boys, Matt who was fifteen was visiting Steve Fennimore, who just turned fifteen also, at his grandmother's farm. They rode over the pastures and down roads until turning into the barnyard and up into the barn. The work of loading bales of hay up into the hayloft was hot and tiring. Both boys took off their shirts to finish the job. As Matt brought up the last bale, he plopped it down. Matt looked at Steve and definitely could sense attraction. "Hey let's make a cave and hang out in here for a while" said Matt Hoping to get close to Steve. Steve Had the same idea and the two boys stacked the hay bales in the shape of a pyramid while keeping the center hollow. Both boys climbed inside nervously exploring feelings they had felt but never found a chance to experiment with before.

Jeff and David walked into the barn looking for a shovel when they heard giggling coming from the hay loft. They both took note of the two shirts hanging from a nail on a post. David climbed up the ladder leading up to the hay loft. The giggling was louder , but then suddenly stopped. He heard nothing for a few seconds then he could hear Steve say. "Was that okay?" Then he heard Matt Answer "Uh huh!"
David quietly backed down the ladder holding his finger to his lips while grinning as he lead Jeff out of the barn.

"The hayloft was the first place we made it too!" He said.
The both of them went back into the house where Mom was working on a quilt.
"Steve and Matt are in the hayloft," David said, grinning.
" Oh you mean like you boys used to?"
"You knew?" gasped Jeff, blushing red with amused embarassment
"Squeaky doors and slinking shadows in the porchlight are a mother's informers." She giggled.

Just then Steve and Matt come in the door, flushed and hair awry.
Mom (Grandma) Jeff and David Burst out Laughing.

"What's so funny?" asked a blushing Steve.

David responded: "Life is Funny.....and good!"

The End

[Alecto]

My friends all know I have a tendancy to be harsher than I mean to, so I'm going to try really hard not to be bitchy in the delivery. I'm also not sure if you're even looking for critiques or just sharing this with us (if the latter, thank you indeed!). It was definitely enjoyable: the plot holds one's attention, the characters are endearing. Overall, it's "good".

There were a couple grammar things (might've even been typos; a lot of missed punctuation etc) that a proofer could catch for you. And I'm not sure how much of the pov shifting was deliberate.

(Hopefully) not too bitchily yours,
Tim

[scott snedeker]

I do need to clean it up. Mucho typos and style no no's. My typing stinks ofk! I will correct with the edit function. I typed this while the spirit was on me (sometimes spirits like shiraz)

[scott snedeker]

I finally got to cleaning up. Have to go through it a few more times

[puppypause]

I read it Scotty, and it was beautiful, exciting, and you made me gasp when I read the "special shining boy" part. I love you a great deal, and will emai you shortly. XO Puppy

[Pablo Rafael]

Thanks, Scotty
I enjoyed your story.

Keep up the writing.

Tu Amigo, Pablo

[scott snedeker]

Jeff looked at Kyle lying in bed, his eyes welling with tears. This ancient soul, wise and generous, was fading with each passing minute.

Some people ought to live for 200 years he thought. He knew his beloved uncle's time was near. He climbed in beside and held this wonderful being who had saved his own life and sacrificed it for him.

He could feel the heartbeat slow and grow more feeble with each beat until the next beat never came.

Jeff whispered in Kyle's ear: "You will live on within me. It's okay, to let Go My beloved. "

And When Jeff looked upon Kyle's face, and new smile was unmistakeablly apparent.

Jeff sobbed and gasped. David held him kissing the back of his neck and stroking his face as he held his head. He rocked him back and forth crying silently

[Gennee]

Hey Scott, keep it going. I write short stories myself. Your stories flow and are an easy read. I'll read them again.

Gennee