A Call to Action!

[Dumbledore]

This is a really excellent article:

Why the Lack of Expressed Outrage?
by Jerry Maneker

I can't think of any reason why most all LGBT people, and decent people everywhere, aren't outraged at the fact that our LGBT brothers and sisters being demonized, and denied full and equal civil and sacramental rights! I do think that the outrage is there, but most feel that to express that outrage, and fight for the same civil and sacramental rights as are enjoyed by all other citizens in the U.S., would hammer home a truth that few really want to confront: The fact that many of those whom they consider "friends" would turn on them at a moment's notice if they did insist on those rights, and that LGBT people and allies would have to face their needed "season of suffering" (To use Martin Luther King's apt words.) before those rights are won!

When one is both filled with self-loathing, and when one wants to be accepted, and when one wants friends and allies, it is disconcerting, to say the least, to risk realizing that their "friends" and their "acceptance" are contingent upon LGBT people "keeping and knowing their place." For example, even in churches, many in the congregation know who are Gay, and will embrace them, even giving them responsible positions in those churches, be it as teachers, deacons, music directors, etc.

However, deep down those Gay people fully realize that if they insist on the same rights as the others in that congregation, such as the right to marriage, or even anemic "commitment ceremonies" as a phony substitute for marriage, all hell will break loose, and their "friends" will quickly turn on them, and it takes someone of enormous ego strength to contemplate this reality, and have to face this reality, if he/she wants to be approved by others.

So, the choice comes between adhering to the status quo where LGBT people remain second class citizens, deprived of full and equal civil and sacramental rights and are "allowed" to be conditionally accepted and used on those terms, OR insist on being treated as everyone else with all the rights and privileges accorded others and know that their "friends'" gloves will come off and they will betray their true colors and turn on them, thereby profoundly hurting them emotionally, and have that hurt culminate in their being prevented from engaging in those ministries to which they have been called in the church; being similarly betrayed and emotionally, if not physically, hurt in secular society by many who either don't go to church or who do go to church who discriminate against LGBT people, even to the point of violence, all the while thinking that they are doing God a favor by so doing.

One of the worst mistakes we can make is to be inauthentic so that we can win others' approval, and be accepted, fully knowing that that "acceptance" is contingent upon that inauthenticity, even carrying that inauthenticity to the point where many Gay people have not only internalized homophobia but externalize that homophobia so that they demonize and condemn others who dare to assert their right to sit at the same table, partaking of the same food, as everyone else.

Jesus says, "For what shall it profit a man, if he shall gain the whole world, and lose his own soul?" (Mark 8:36) This admonition isn't only given for the benefit of Christians, but for all people who seek to live an authentic, fulfilling life!

If you're liked and accepted for being something other than who you are, and you compound that inauthenticity by self-loathing that manifests itself in your own misery, and you then further compound that self-loathing by expressing homophobia to others who do seek to live free and equal lives, you are not only committing a great sin against yourself, but you are committing a great sin against the truth and against others, thereby helping to retard the realization of full and equal civil and sacramental rights for all LGBT people.

This retardation can also be seen to take the form of begging, and being grateful, for crumbs in the form of incrementalism: for example, settling for Domestic Partnerships and Civil Unions rather than fight for full marriage rights; voting for a politician because, although he/she still demeans you, he/she seems to demean you less than another politician; justifying voting for reactionary candidates by viewing oneself as not being a single issue voter (In this connection, see "The Pathology of the Gay Conservative".); justifying homophobic religion by attending homophobic churches, and giving credibility and justification to homophobic clergy by attending their churches and putting money in their collection plates which also help get their message out how Gay people are responsible for assorted ills in society, such as the breakdown of the family, the ephebophilia scandals that have rocked the RC Church, and for Hurricane Katrina.

When the chickens come home to roost due to selling out one's integrity, selling out one's brothers and sisters, and selling out the principle of full and equal civil and sacramental rights for all, and LGBT people are then forced to confront the ugly truth regarding the cost paid by, and incurred due to, those sell outs, maybe it will only be then that Jesus' statement will hit home: when one sells his/her soul, when you sell yourself out, when you sell others out, you will reap the whirlwind of having sacrificed justice for living a life of illusion bereft of authenticity, justice, and love.

And, when one finally realizes that fact, despite living this inauthentic life, he/she has pushed back the clock when full and equal civil and sacramental rights could have been achieved, then he/she will be far more motivated to become meaningfully activist.

Never be afraid! Never unduly care what others think of you! And never, never, never, seek to curry favor with others by selling yourself short or selling yourself out, and/or selling our brothers and sisters out for any reason!

For to do so is no less a sin than are the expressions of hate out of the mouths and actions of the most virulent homophobic elements in our society! Because, you see, that hate expressed by those homphobic elements is largely fueled, and made possible, because of those LGBT people and "allies" who favor the status quo so as to be somewhat "accepted" and, like all bullies, religious, political, and other homophobes are emboldened both by our silence, as well as by those who curry favor with them by selling themselves and others out, and by settling for incrementalism at the expense of justice for everyone, as most recently seen in the pathetic ENDA bill and by Obama's keeping Mary Mary and McClurkin on board.

Only when our outrage is expressed, when meaningful grassroots activism occurs that is contingent upon taking to heart Jesus' admonition that we are never to sell out our souls, so that LGBT people and allies demand that LGBT people be treated with the same dignity as accorded everyone else, that full and equal civil and sacramental rights will be won, and not a moment before!

http://www.christianlgbtrights.org/

What do ya think

[Vanessa White]

I have felt conflicted about equal marriage rights vs. civil unions/domestic partnerships. I have felt conflicted for one of the reasons, actually two, that were mentioned. One, because I do fear at times losing some allies/friends in my life over this issue, because, while they embrace me as a lesbian, they may not necessarily advocate on my behalf for the equal right to marry. The other reason, is to "sell out" in a way, in order to keep the peace, or my directly, keep my proper place. NOt make too many waves.

Those days are gone.

I am ready to fight for that, personally and locally as a community, no matter what the cost. Because, I have come to realize, it can really be no less than full and equal marriage.

Period.

I am scared out of my wits.

But I am ready for the battle.

[Daniel]

Originally Posted by Dumbledore

This is a really excellent article:

What do ya think

I think the writer is right on the money as far as internalized homophobia goes. That, and the manner in which politics is played out. We've seen this played out on this forum, where some folks are more than happy to settle for their rights as second class citizens in terms of domestic partnership/civil unions rather than full marriage rights. The thought is that we'll get there some day, and incremental steps are Ok.

But are they? I personally don't think so.

As for facing things head on, I've seen in my own life what can happen when I announced I was marrying my husband to my conservative family. All hell broke loose. And then the doors and windows shut tight. That's what gay people fear- and they are right to fear it. It's no fun being cast out of your family- emotionally speaking. No fun at all. To this day, no one will talk about it. This inspires anger. It's one reason why I found my way here: how to deal with that anger.

Not ready or willing to play the game of being inauthentic any more.

[Vanessa White]

I used to think that small steps were still steps. Not anymore.

Anything less than full, equal marriage rights is not enough, today or any day.

Is this just because I want to be able to marry my honey full and legal?

It used to be. Now, that would be an added benefit. I used to want it simply for the ceremony of it all.

Now that is only a part of the whole enchilada for me........

[BenL]

First, most people forget that the two people getting married are the actual ministers of the marriage ceremony. They are the ones who make solemn vows before God to be joined for life. The church and the clergy involved in a marriage ceremony are there as witnesses to those vows. The celebration by family and community is extremely important as an external recognition of the couple's committment to each other. But it is the couple who does the marrying, not the state or the church. We shouldn't lose sight of how important the act of committment is, even when we don't have external rites to celebrate them.

Second, we in the churches bless all kinds of things. In our church, an Episcopal church, we have an inner-city neighborhood ministry. Every August we purchase backpacks and stock them with school supplies. Just before school begins, we have a big ceremony where the priest blesses the backpacks before we distribute them to the kids in our program. We also bless pets around St. Francis' feast day in early October. Other churches bless motorcycles and fishing fleets. Yet, as one of our lesbian couples who was married at City Hall (here in MA) bemoans: We can bless the backpacks, but we can't bless two people who have made a lifelong committment to each other.

Even though we have legal marriage in Massachusetts, our church hasn't caught up with reality. Our bishop forbids blessings of same-sex marriages. Even if he allowed them, as some bishops do, there still is no actual marriage rite for same-sex couples, only a blessing. Yet, as the article that began this thread states, lgbt people serve in responsible positions in the church; we tithe and support the parish in a myriad of ministries.

That's why I made my first point: It is so important to remember that, before God, it is the two people who are marrying each other, not the church or the minister. And I believe that God sees that act and blesses it. Meanwhile, we have to wait until the rest of the people catch up with us.