Mentoring and Nurturing for Young Folk With Questions

[andrewlittle]

There are young people amongst us with serious questions about who and what they are, especially in relation to people they love and respect telling them they are vile and evil and hell-bound.

There are people on these boards who would love to mentor and nurture these young people, and to help them craft their own answers to these questions and comments. It is something they know takes patience and, sometimes, a thick skin.

There are those on these boards who have heard too much, throughout their lives, of the personal attacks on their own person and re-suffer when they see the same comments again and again.

How do we cater effectively to all these people? That is a question that was asked in PM by someone who loves just about all of the people in each of the categories.

Is this a thread that we can direct young people towards to ask their questions and repeat the comments they are hearing, but one to avoid for those who have had their fill of hearing them?

Thoughts?

[dsdrane]

...off of the foyer, it sounds like we need a coat closet.

Then, once we've determined that new visitors are truthful and sincere, we can open the door wider to let them into our house.

And then lead them into the nursery.

That sounds trite, but I'm quite serious.

[dsdrane]

I also think we need to more strongly encourage new people to search around past threads for background information. To my mind, new people are starting their own threads before they even know the terrain.

[andrewlittle]

Originally Posted by dsdrane

...off of the foyer, it sounds like we need a coat closet.

Then, once we've determined that new visitors are truthful and sincere, we can open the door wider to let them into our house.

And then lead them into the nursery.

That sounds trite, but I'm quite serious.

Goodness knows, David, I've done my share of vetting some newcomers - or, at least, trying. Do we really want to "pre-qualify" people to be able to post, though?

I understand your reluctance to hear the same thing time and time again, believe me, but for those newcomers who are very young and experiencing assault from those around them shouldn't we try to accomodate their needs. Sometimes, when things are urgent, I don't have time or the inclination to search through what are mounds and mounds of previous posts to find the one that addresses my questions.

If this or anpother thread is specifically about young people asking their questions, wouldn't it be easy to avoid for those who don't want to relive history time and again?

Also, the comment about the "nursery" did, indeed, sound both trite and like an effort to trivialize the concerns of young posters.

[paul]

Growing up gay in america is kind of like growing up in prison. Depending on how long you've been there, adjusting to the real world can be very challenging. Add to that, many have grown up in some toxic religious environment where they have been conditioned to believe in a god that sends glbt people to hell. Some people never make it and go back to prison. Some adjust and become productive citizens, some are in process. It isn't just the young.

I'm for it Andy. I think it's a great idea to have a half way house thread (clearly identified as such) for those coming out of a toxic life style, a place where they can learn to love and accept themselves. Maybe we can call it exodus or something like that. I do think it's a good idea to identify the thread for what it is. That way, those who do not wish to subject themselves to the sometimes antisocial behavior of one learning to live in the outside world, can avoid that place. But I'm for offering such a place.

[dsdrane]

Originally Posted by andrewlittle

Do we really want to "pre-qualify" people to be able to post, though?

No, and that's not what I said.

Originally Posted by andrewlittle

If this or anpother thread is specifically about young people asking their questions, wouldn't it be easy to avoid for those who don't want to relive history time and again?

Yes it would.

Originally Posted by andrewlittle

Also, the comment about the "nursery" did, indeed, sound both trite and like an effort to trivialize the concerns of young posters.

...which is why I qualified it.

Honestly, Andrew, did you really read anything I wrote? or did you just skim it, figuring you already knew how I felt?

I'm not trivializing anything, and I responded to your thread in good faith. I'm kind of shocked that you would think otherwise.

[u-dog]

Provides a place and a method for the young to be nurtured, respected, and taken seriously. A young person shouldn't have to figure out what is and isn't "politically correct" before he or she asks a question or requests help. And Andy is right, if a young person is in crisis and experiencing panic of one kind or another it is not fair or realistic to ask them peruse three years worth of threads and posts.

I, for one, don't mind going over the same territory again and again if it will help to save a kid's life (and I think, just for the record that we have saved AT LEAST one life here and who knows how many silent observers). A seperate thread OR a new Forum designated for questions/coaching/mentoring is an excellent idea.

U-dog

[Vanessa White]

I consider myself as a mentor, in my 3D life, and at times, here. It sounds like a good fit and a worthwhile endeavor.

I think, depending on the day, we could have a strong desire to be supportive and mentoring to those that come here for guidance and support. Maybe, some days, we simply don't have it in us. So maybe our responses to the youths, or others for that matter, sound not very reassuring or compassionate.

The cutting edge for me with all of this, I think, is one of the same reasons we wanted to create the Foyer. So that, Soulforce could remain safe for those of us whom find great comfort, support, guidance and inspiration here. However, it is also meant to be available to those who are still trying to sort it all out.

I think that a new thread would have to be prepared to encounter both possibilities, and anywhere in between.

To stay with the Foyer analogy, maybe as individuals who have been around for a bit of time have to try to figure out a way to leave out baggage on the doorstep? Or, just take out of the suitcase only what may be useful, rather than potentially damaging?

These are my thoughts on this, Andrew. Thanks for the idea.....

[andrewlittle]

Originally Posted by dsdrane

Honestly, Andrew, did you really read anything I wrote?

Yes, I did! Every word.

... or did you just skim it, figuring you already knew how I felt?

I'm not trivializing anything, and I responded to your thread in good faith. I'm kind of shocked that you would think otherwise.

Okay, sometimes I am clueless. This is one of those times. What did I do to piss you off, David?

[dsdrane]

Originally Posted by andrewlittle

Okay, sometimes I am clueless. This is one of those times. What did I do to piss you off, David?

...it's time to go home.

I'm stepping away, guys. Whatever you decide is fine by me.

[andrewlittle]

Originally Posted by Vanessa White

I consider myself as a mentor, in my 3D life, and at times, here. It sounds like a good fit and a worthwhile endeavor.

I think, depending on the day, we could have a strong desire to be supportive and mentoring to those that come here for guidance and support. Maybe, some days, we simply don't have it in us. So maybe our responses to the youths, or others for that matter, sound not very reassuring or compassionate.

I'm guilty as charged on that count, Vanessa. I have been testy with one or two of the young ones here.

The cutting edge for me with all of this, I think, is one of the same reasons we wanted to create the Foyer. So that, Soulforce could remain safe for those of us whom find great comfort, support, guidance and inspiration here. However, it is also meant to be available to those who are still trying to sort it all out.

I think that a new thread would have to be prepared to encounter both possibilities, and anywhere in between.

So very true. It is a bit of a conundrum - trying to figure out how to do both. That was the reason for this inquiry - to see if a separate thread for dealing with the young (of heart) GLBT members' questions, but which can be avoided by those wishing to do so, could be effective.

It isn't quite like the foyer situation, although sometimes it is equally as full of anti-LGBT rhetoric (since that's what these younguns are hearing). The foyer, I thought, was meant to contain stuff that was inherently anti-GLBT. What we're talking about here is dealing with kids have internalized and have to vent or discuss anti-GLBT crap. It's the same, and yet different, I suppose.

To stay with the Foyer analogy, maybe as individuals who have been around for a bit of time have to try to figure out a way to leave out baggage on the doorstep? Or, just take out of the suitcase only what may be useful, rather than potentially damaging?

That isn't usually necessary in interacting with peers, but may be a bit of a necessity when talking about mentoring and advising young ones. This is, however, also a safe place to air out our baggage from time to time.

These are my thoughts on this, Andrew. Thanks for the idea.....

You're welcome - but the idea was sparked by someone else's concerns. I just thought I'd run it up the flagpole to see fi the breeze catches it (as the British say).

[andrewlittle]

Originally Posted by dsdrane

...it's time to go home.

I'm stepping away, guys. Whatever you decide is fine by me.

David, I was serious. I really DON'T know what I did or said that got you so angry. I would like to know.

[scrupulous_stoic]

As a young person, I concur with the idea of having a thread to assist in these inquiries.

[Vanessa White]

Good to hear, Bennett. Let's hope we can get the details worked out and situated. Thanks for checking in on this.

[u-dog]

Originally Posted by andrewlittle

You're welcome - but the idea was sparked by someone else's concerns. I just thought I'd run it up the flagpole to see fi the breeze catches it (as the British say).

The concerns were mine and Andrew, being the true friend that he is, took it upon himself to suggest some constructive ideas. I appreciate it very much, old guy!

[paul]

Originally Posted by u-dog

The concerns were mine and Andrew, being the true friend that he is, took it upon himself to suggest some constructive ideas. I appreciate it very much, old guy!

of course it was you u-dog...anyone who knows you, knew it was you.

[keltic63]

Originally Posted by andrewlittle

David, I was serious. I really DON'T know what I did or said that got you so angry. I would like to know.

I think David's pain comes from post #4 in this thread. re-read it and see if it sounds a bit harsh, especially if the recipient is in somewhat of a grumpy mood, much like you were when you responded to Robert.....

[u-dog]

Originally Posted by paul

of course it was you u-dog...anyone who knows you, knew it was you.

That transparent eh? oh well... whadya gonna do?

[andrewlittle]

Originally Posted by keltic63

I think David's pain comes from post #4 in this thread. re-read it and see if it sounds a bit harsh, especially if the recipient is in somewhat of a grumpy mood, much like you were when you responded to Robert.....

Sounds like dialogue to me. Tell me about the harsh part. I'm not too old to learn.

But, "once we've determined that new visitors are truthful and sincere, we can open the door wider to let them into our house." sounded like pre-qualifying participation to me.

And use of the word "nursery" sounded trivializing.

It strikes me that I have had many conversations with people in which we disagreed with each, said why we disagreed, and then continued to dialogue to come to some understanding. Why is this harsh?

P.S. I am beginning to feel like there is some underlying conflict or tension of which I'm unaware, and that I am irritating raw nerves. This isn't my intent. Perhaps I need to let the dust settle on this, and do a little self-examining. Sorry to have been such a pistol.

And, David, I am sorry that I said things that disturbed you so greatly. My apologies.

[paul]

Originally Posted by u-dog

That transparent eh? oh well... whadya gonna do?

His moniker is "u-dog" and he always has a kind word for the disinfranchised. He loves kids, and has a fathers heart. Nothing to do with you being "transparent," rather, your heart is in evidence. One would have to be blind not to see it.