Some of my best friends are.....

[keltic63]

____________________
(fill in the blank)



I responded to a homophobic blog posting, and the author tried to defend himself by stating that "some of his friends are homosexual." This is never a good defense when someone calls you on your biases. However, I really had to think hard about how to respond to this statement. I finally said:

Trotting out the old “some of my best friends are…” argument doesn’t mean you aren’t homophobic, it merely means that those gay friends are willing to put up with you. You also said “They know that I accept them as human beings, and as my personal friends, but they also know my opinions regarding what they’re doing, so we generally avoid the subject.” In order to continue the friendship, you must hide your frank opinions that you so clearly state here. have they seen this blog? Would they be offended by the way you reduce their orientation, their basic attractions, their love and relationships to a behavior? (you do this by stating “they also know my opinions regarding WHAT THEY’RE DOING.”)

How else might we respond to this common statement?

[Zerbie]

I'll tell ya this: not ONCE has a gay person ever ventured to bring up the subject of my wonderful relationship with my husband and express a negative opinion about "what I'm doing." If it wouldn't make sense to say to me, it wouldn't make sense to say to you.

I'm amazed that this blogger's gay friends tolerate such obnoxiousness. Unless this person is friendly to their face, but keeping this attitude under wraps (eew.) Behind the back homophobia at one's own "friends" (how can he call them friends if he has no respect for them, as this would appear to demonstrate?) is vile, reprehensible, and unconscionable. Just keep a polite distance and spare everyone the charade of friendship.

That said, some of my best friends are: meat-eaters.

[dsdrane]

Originally Posted by keltic63

How else might we respond to this common statement?

Ummm...how about:

Some of my best friends are idiotic a**holes.

[paul]

Originally Posted by dsdrane

Ummm...how about:

Some of my best friends are idiotic a**holes.

David,

You run into problems with this one when you extend all the possibilities: "love the a**hole, hate the a**"

[keltic63]

got the guy to admit that they are not friends really. they are colleagues.

[paul]

Originally Posted by keltic63

got the guy to admit that they are not friends really. they are colleagues.

Keltic,

I think you answered them beautifully. I bet your not really friends with any Nazis either?

[sailaway58]

I've been told that line, I have a cousin or friend that is gay and we get along but they know how I feel.
My first reaction is, "I bet you are real close" My next question is , "why do you think it is important they know how you feel?"
My approval can be just as obnoxious. Sometime I imagine two guy laughing and saying, it's okay now, we have Tim's approval!
We are so self important sometimes.

[antiochian]

For all he knows they probably sit on the couch cuddled to their bf's or gf's, cuddle a little, watch a movie and it stops at that. Unless he's watching them through the window, how the he** does he know what they do together? Secondly, whatever two men or women do together in the comfort of their homes is none of his concern and he need not bother having an "opinion" about it, any more than those colleagues would have an opinion, much less care, about what he does with his wife.

[Alecto]

I've noticed that no matter what type of oppression you're talking about, the first response to getting called on it is always a magical friend who proves that the person in question is a total expert.

I brought it up in another thread that twice I've had to talk to coworkers (one for some excessive "that's so gay", the other for something less nice), and the first response was always "oh, my gay friend doesn't mind". Ok, but I do. Why do I care that they're willing to put up with you? That pretty much is my usual response: I don't care what other people are ok with. What you've said is offensive to me as a gay man.

ETA: That said, I'm usually talking to people who WANT to be respectful, I think; random blog person may or may not care.

[keltic63]

Originally Posted by Alecto

I've noticed that no matter what type of oppression you're talking about, the first response to getting called on it is always a magical friend who proves that the person in question is a total expert.

I brought it up in another thread that twice I've had to talk to coworkers (one for some excessive "that's so gay", the other for something less nice), and the first response was always "oh, my gay friend doesn't mind". Ok, but I do. Why do I care that they're willing to put up with you? That pretty much is my usual response: I don't care what other people are ok with. What you've said is offensive to me as a gay man.

ETA: That said, I'm usually talking to people who WANT to be respectful, I think; random blog person may or may not care.

Thinking twice to decipher ETA as " edited to add" instead of Estimated Time of Arrival...... (yes, WHEN I had hair, it was blonde.....)

I think this guy does care. I think he does want to be respectful. I also think he wants to hold on to the first opinions that come to mind and not think them over too much. It's easier that way. not very beneficial, not useful, but certainly easier. I've called him now on several points. He has responded.

care to take a look?: kyle's "unfocused" blog

I find it interesting that this is a guy who's going to be working in the entertainment industry and he has a problem with homosexuality......You know, I don't really care for dogs, so I think I'll become a veterinarian

[Alecto]

I might look at that more later when I'm feeling less... stabby. :- / I only got through some of the comments, and (for once) I'm having the wisdom to recognize that now is not a good time for me to read the rest of it.

[keltic63]

Originally Posted by Alecto

I might look at that more later when I'm feeling less... stabby. :- / I only got through some of the comments, and (for once) I'm having the wisdom to recognize that now is not a good time for me to read the rest of it.

Wisdom is the better part of Valor! I must say that doing battle with this guy, coupled with some other things that happened today, really brought me down. I was feeling somewhat depressed this evening. I'm better now though.

[Gregory_de_Bois]

Originally Posted by Zerbie

That said, some of my best friends are: meat-eaters.

Some of my best friends (were) meat-eaters. OO!!

[u-dog]

Originally Posted by sailaway58

My approval can be just as obnoxious. Sometime I imagine two guy laughing and saying, it's okay now, we have Tim's approval!
We are so self important sometimes.

No Tim, it is NOT obnoxious. Your affirmation is IMPORTANT. It may save some kids life some day just to know that Tim thinks he's "OK" the way he is. It is laudable that you are humble and that you understand that the sun does not shine out of your anus... but don't underestimate the value and importance of your advocacy.

[sailaway58]

Originally Posted by u-dog

No Tim, it is NOT obnoxious. Your affirmation is IMPORTANT. It may save some kids life some day just to know that Tim thinks he's "OK" the way he is. It is laudable that you are humble and that you understand that the sun does not shine out of your anus... but don't underestimate the value and importance of your advocacy.

I agree with the importance of advocacy, I just don't think I have to tell every gay person I meet that I approve.

[keltic63]

Originally Posted by sailaway58

I agree with the importance of advocacy, I just don't think I have to tell every gay person I meet that I approve.

You're right about this, but the neat thing is that they will know by your actions, your attitude, your respect that you don't have a problem with gay people.

[George Wang]

That cliche deserves a response, but depending on who is reading the bigoted opinion. In response, considering the importance of the opinion, I would say:

" Good for you. I could respond to that as a gay person, but you ought to be seeking my opinion, if you really care.

You are entitled to your bigotry if you think you are fair and tolerant of others. No. I did not take on board what you say personally, because I am more important than that.

And the truth is also: that I prefer to live successfully and happily knowing that I am loved by a Higher Being who makes me value myself."

Personally, I do write and defend against bigotry whenever I can. However, I have to pick my battles, though not before putting myself first in terms of time and effort.

[keltic63]

Interesting. The guy pulled that entry from his blog, and consequently, the comments with it.

[paul]

Originally Posted by keltic63

Interesting. The guy pulled that entry from his blog, and consequently, the comments with it.

Hey keltic,
Cool eh? Maybe he didn't realize his slip was showing till you pointed it out. A lot of bigotry is inadvertant.

[tymejumper]

Originally Posted by dsdrane

Ummm...how about:

Some of my best friends are idiotic a**holes.

Some of my best friends are straight!