Last Chance?

[Jennifer5]

Do you believe in there ever being a 'last chance'... I always thought that you should treat people the way you want to be treated....the golden rule....but so many just don't agree.... I know, I wouldn't want people to ever give up on me. What do you all think.... doesn't everyone derserve a fair chance??? after all, people do change, right???

[zephyr013]

Call me a dreamer or an idealist, but I think you should never give up on anyone. People do change.

But, the degree of changing is different. Some people don't vhange much.

Say someone is your friend, and they screw you over somehow. You should still eb their friend, just with a heightened sense of awareness of what they are capable of doing... be on guard if you will.

I know a couple times in my life I have benefited myself from third and fourth chances. I was a douche bag. I changed alot. I'm glad my friends never gave up. Otherwise, I'd be lost.

[Daniel]

Originally Posted by Jennifer5

Do you believe in there ever being a 'last chance'... I always thought that you should treat people the way you want to be treated....the golden rule....but so many just don't agree.... I know, I wouldn't want people to ever give up on me. What do you all think.... doesn't everyone derserve a fair chance??? after all, people do change, right???

It's hard to answer your concern in the abstract- you may want to talk to a professional counselor on this one.

But one thing comes to mind right away. If the matter is sexuality and the thought that being gay is beyond the pale- well- I would not agree with that. My experience is that God loves me as I am- I not beyond that love and being gay- or experiencing a gay relationship- doesn't take me beyond the "last chance" to become straight.

Now- if your concern is about another matter entirely, like someone is abusing your friendship in some way, there is the matter of boundaries. I'm of the opinion that we teach other people how to treat us- if we let them walk all over us- shame on us- we deserve- and are better than that.

God doesn't create junk!

Yes- people do- and can- change- but not always to our liking.

edited for spelling!

[Jennifer5]

Call me a dreamer or an idealist, but I think you should never give up on anyone. People do change.

I'm with you on that Kyle, it's hard because no matter how much someone might disappoint me I'm never able to give up on them. I'm never able to really let go. I don't really believe in ever giving up on people.

It's hard to answer your concern in the abstract- you may want to talk to a professional counselor on this one.

Don't worry this isn't that extreme

But one thing comes to mind right away. If the matter is sexuality and the thought that being gay is beyond the pale- well- I would not agree with that. My experience is that God loves me as I am- I not beyond that love and being gay- or experiencing a gay relationship- doesn't take me beyond the "last chance" to become straight.

And no worry, I have no problem here.


Thank you both, here are more details... tell me what your opinion is....

I met this guy, he's great... he's sweet, he's kind, and he can always make you laugh, and personally I don't think for a second that he's any danger...
then I find out he just got out of prision.... it's not like killed anyone, but he did strangle his ex-wife. This sounds totally scary, but the truth is I think this guy really has changed, and I'm really not afraid of him for a second.

Is it too weird that I'm not afraid, that I still think he's great, and that we should be friends?

[Zerbie]

Just from what you've given us, I don't like the sounds of it. Abusive people tend to begin relationships (including non-sexual ones) by being charming. I would be very very very wary of this person.

[Daniel]

Can people change? I certainly hope so. And I don't think it's weird that you're not afraid, but your absence of fear doesn't mean that he has changed. It just means you are an open person. But being open and being prudent are two differnt things.

[Daniel]

Originally Posted by Zerbie

Just from what you've given us, I don't like the sounds of it. Abusive people tend to begin relationships (including non-sexual ones) by being charming. I would be very very very wary of this person.

Zerbie and I are on the same page here!

[Jennifer5]

I know, my mom doesn't like him so... I guess my chances of even seeing him again aren't likely.... thank you all!

[Zerbie]

It's for the best - such is my impression. I was wondering if your mom had even met him, but forgot to ask you. In so many ways you are wise beyond your years, but when it comes to the kinds of rotten things people are capable of, there are some things that only time and experience can teach. I was getting concerned for your safety, so I'm actually kind of glad if you don't get to know this person further.

[Jennifer5]

Thank you Zerbie for your concern.... but don't worry I was well aware that anything to do with him, I would be very cautious... I've been around some weird people and can usually tell when to back off.... I just have seeing some one so nice, have so many problems. I still won't ever give up, but I'll do that from a safe distance. Thank you all! I really do consider you all to be good friends!

[Vanessa White]

Jennifer: I do believe that as human beings, we have a great capacity for change, evolving, growing, whatever you would like to call it. I always try to believe that there is goodness in others, even if they try to keep it well hidden, or if they have some pain or ugliness that shows itself first and foremost. Your example of this possible friendship reminds me in a way of my ambivalence at times about trusting that persons that are very homophobic and antigay, can they ever change? Can they ever come to have full respect and admiration for me as a gay person? I want to believe so, but I am sometimes discouraged by the hostility by some of those persons toward gay persons.

I do, however, think that your mom is being a mom, and that she should be cautious in this situation out of love and protection of/for you.

I am so glad that you contribute so often here, it is good to have your voice! PEace, Vanessa

[Jennifer5]

Thanks!!