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#1
03-23-2008, 02:00 AM
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Is there a way to stop suffering?
I am what the world would call "transgender". More like transsexual. Problem is I attend a Bible college in Michigan and I feel there might be something wrong with my thinking. I am not being oppressed too much but it is very hard to be myself. I am currently taking herbal suppliments to change my body, but they don't work the greatest. I am worried, though, I am going against God's Will or something.
I still like girls, but occassionally think about being embraced by a man and stuff. I don't really think about sex with men, but I am afraid I am bisexual too. Maybe it's the female hormones. I have taken some previously for 4 months. I am so afraid that I might be doing something evil or socially wrong. I normally don't care what people think, but they do have power when it comes to jobs and friends. I hate being alone. I am the only one I know of in my area. Every time I think about going out "en femme" I have to stop myself and remind myself how masculine I still look and that there is no support outside my dorm room. If I got caught dressed or if my mascara was too thick I would probably get expelled for "distracting the other students and promoting sexual sin" or something. I wish there was a way to be complete. I hate this "inbetween" deal. I pray to Jesus everyday to "change" me, or to use me the way I am and make me content as a man. Nothing yet, but I am faithful God will not abandon me. God is not Man. God is God and I am loved. If there is any encouragement you can spare or any comments to share, please do. * If you had 3 wishes concerning your physical transformation in womanhood, what would you pick? - I would have to say less bone/muscle mass, smaller feet/hands and an actual female (of my own) voice. The "voice" wish would be first on my list. 
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#2
03-23-2008, 09:34 AM
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Hugs.
 I wish there were more time right now to say more. All I can suggest is work on building a network of friends, counselors, anyone, who can support and love you unconditionally - whatever your feelings, however you perceive yourself. If you are taking supplements to try and effect great physical changes, I hope you are under the guidance of a caring doctor!  I am sure there are resources for your situation. Betcha some others around here will post with some links soon.
__________________
*** Never linger too long with the ignorant, throw stones at their talk. Walk only with the lovers, the mirror of the soul gets rusty when dipped in muddy water. -Rumi
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#3
03-23-2008, 04:55 PM
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Sweetie,
You are loved beyond your wildest imagination and God wants you to be happy. Don't beg Him to change you. He loves you just as you are. Zerb is right. Build a network of counselors and transgender friends. Bottom line is you have to figure this thing out and come to terms with it yourself. You have to be comfortable with who you are. Best of luck to you and many prayers your way.
__________________
If everyone cared and nobody cried, if everyone loved and nobody lied, if everyone shared and swallowed their pride, we'd see the day when nobody died. IF EVERYONE CARED/Nickelback
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#4
03-23-2008, 06:27 PM
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BCBoy,
Transgender Michigan is a wonderful resource. I know one of the people involved in it from another list and I'd be happy to put you in touch with him if you like. PM me and I'll see what I can do. Networking is important when you feel so all alone. Meanwhile, don't risk your life or your living situation until you have a plan in place. Don't bottle it all up. Get help. No, you're not crazy or evil. You are one of the blessed ones to see gender from two sides. I know a little about it. My spouse is trans. I'm sure he'd be happy to correspond. Let me know.
__________________
BenL --------------- When you can transform the war and violence in yourself, then you can truly begin to help others find peace. Thich Nhat Hanh
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#5
03-23-2008, 08:49 PM
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Quote:
Welcome! I also live in Grand Rapids. I am pretty sure which college you attend. The best advice I can give you is to hit Rumors Night Club site and find out when they have their transgender night. I know they have shows on Sundays at times but that is the best club to go to also. It's right on Division avenue, next to Moe Eisleys tattoo parlor. It has rainbow flags hanging outside of it so you can't miss it. Also, there is a good diverse crowd there so it is a great place to meet supportive people. The second place for you to go would be East Town.(very gay diverse and supportive area) There is the Triangle Foundation , I think it is on Wealthy, and also The Network on Atlas avenue. The number is 458-3511. They can help you a great deal. They publish a newletter you can get at either Rumors Night club, Diversions Night Club(across from Kendal Art college downtown), The Apartment Bar (by the Civic theatre downtown, it has a green door with an A on it, it's mostly a guy hangout) or Discussions coffee house, i think its on Lafyette. The news letter has happenings for the gay community here in west michigan, and also I know they have a TG group called "just us'. There also are many gay affirmative churches, all listed in the Network news letter. Feel free to PM me and I will help where I can. Much Metta, Rebekah
__________________
Don't be afraid, it's only love!
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#6
03-24-2008, 10:27 AM
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Thanks so much!
It feels absolutely wonderful to know I am not alone in this "fight". I shouldn't fight it, but embrace it! How far I go is up to me, but I am blessed to have people out there who understand and support my related decisions. I will find a doctor and counselor soon (money is tight for full-time college students without a job). Thanks again. So sweet and warming to have responses that aren't "stupid fag" or "what is your problem, weirdo".
BTW. I don't really look so rough anymore. My photo seems to be difficult at changing.
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#7
03-24-2008, 11:54 AM
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Don't get discouraged.
I am sure that is much easier said than done. However, it sounds like, as happens with many of us here, that even when we know in our heart of hearts who it is we are meant to be, we become confused or doubtful when confronted with some of the attitudes in our day to day world. You ABSOLUTELY need a support network; and also need to keep yourself physically, spiritually and emotionally safe. So do that as much as you can without taking any unnecessary risks until you have some supports immediately available to you, hopefully in your geographic area. ALso, a counselor worth his or her salt will work with you on fee schedules, so it might do you a great deal of good to visit a transgender friendly counselor; possibly through the group that tymejumper spoke about. Please remember that YOU ARE NOT ALONE, and that even if we are not in a similar situation, we will offer as much encouragement as we can...
__________________
[B]THE TRUTH IS ALL THERE IS.[/B
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#8
03-24-2008, 05:21 PM
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No, you really are not alone. My ex-husband is TG. I still refere to him as a him because he never chose to come out at all. For awhile he was going by a female moniker, but he changed that one day and crawled back into the closet and nailed the door shut behind him. We discussed hormones and such but he became very angry about it all and never seemed to find peace with himself. He was angry that I embraced my gay identity also. You are very young and I hope you don't find yourself in a similar place. I am glad you are getting counciling. Try Cornerstone. They go on what income you have and I bet as a full time student, they would make it very cheap or free. Make sure you tell the original intake worker that you are TG and want a gay friendly therapist. They do have them around here but you have to ask. It's in the GR phonebook.
__________________
Don't be afraid, it's only love!
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#9
03-24-2008, 07:08 PM
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Consider it a blessing.
I understand what you are going through. I faced them when I discovered my transgender identity. I embraced it and haven't looked back. God loves you because he is interested in your heart. He would not give you anything if he didn't think you couldn't handle it. I am also a crossdresser. I reconciled my faith with crossdressing and couldn't be happier.
Gennee 
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#10
03-26-2008, 11:55 AM
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B.college boy
You are accepted and loved here! To reiterate what has already been said, you are NOT crazy. You are just you! Wonderfully made by our Creator. Ben L. gave you an excellent resource. I have a few friends that are transgendered. They are normal, wonderful human beings. We don't and may never have the answer as to why transgenderism happens, but maybe we don't need to know. It is possibly Gods way of teaching us to love all people of all persuasions. If you were meant to be transgendered, then that is what you should be! To be transgendered is normal for you. If you and I were in the same room together, you would get a huge bear hug from me friend!!
Blessings to you and You ARE in my prayers! -Matthew 
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#11
03-26-2008, 01:24 PM
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Contact me
Hi Bible College Boy. I am a transsexual Christian. Please contact me by phone or email. My contact info is on my website at julienemecek.com .
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#12
03-27-2008, 12:04 PM
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I'm not trans, but I do love to wear make up, and when I do so in public I know fully well there may be repurcussions. Gender taboos run thicker than mud in our culture.
A good friend of mine is trans, and through her I have become better aquainted with the struggle transes and intersexed have. Not an easy road, and I wish you the best.
__________________
"And though I may not know the answers, I can finally say I am free. And if the questions led me here, then I am who I was born to be." --Susan Boyle "If all fools could fly, the sun would be eclipsed forever." --Dutch proverb
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#13
03-29-2008, 04:27 PM
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I used to go to a bible college
Quote:
I believe this scripture will help you. Galations 3:28-29 (THE MESSAGE TRANSLATION) "Christ's family there can be no division into Jew and non-Jew, slave and free, male and female. Among us you are all equal. That is, we are all in a common relationship with Jesus Christ. Also, since you are Christ's family, then you are Abraham's famous "descendant," heirs according to the covenant promises. " You are only seen as family in God's eyes there is no distinguishment! I hope this helps you and I pray that you will make the effort and succeed in your happiness. I have a group on myspace called Godz Kre8shun it might be of interest to you or if you add the page on myspace, there are other transgender christians that you may connect with as well. They are beautiful people who love God as you and are content with themselves so maybe they can help you more.
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#14
03-31-2008, 01:58 AM
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Just wanted to say I'm 99.99% sure that taking sex hormones will not affect your sexual attraction to a given sex/gender at all. I totally understand why you might consider that a possibilty though while trying to figure out who you are and why you're feeling the way you do.
__________________
"Passion makes the world go 'round. Love just makes it a safer place." ~ Find me now as OtterXero @ http://www.soulforce.org/forums/member.php?u=4734
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#15
03-31-2008, 02:17 AM
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Quote:
 
__________________
Love and affirmation,  Forrester Tongpa Nyi (formerly Ash Phoenix, faeries evolve! )  When you come to know that your entitlement to joy is a given, All that remains is the exploration of the many different ways to let it in 
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#16
03-31-2008, 02:56 AM
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In a broader sense, being a guy that wears makeup more than is gender typcial, you are 'trans'gressing gender boundaries and in a sense being transgender in the process, so... maybe you are trans and just didn't realize it ^_~.
__________________
"Passion makes the world go 'round. Love just makes it a safer place." ~ Find me now as OtterXero @ http://www.soulforce.org/forums/member.php?u=4734
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#17
03-31-2008, 07:26 AM
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Quote:
__________________
BenL --------------- When you can transform the war and violence in yourself, then you can truly begin to help others find peace. Thich Nhat Hanh
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#18
03-31-2008, 07:46 AM
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We are the same, you and I
I go to Great Lakes Christian College, in Lansing. I have loved men, and I have walked where you walk. I can tell you with certainty that no matter how much you believe God can change you, the simple truth is that God has no desire to change you. He has made you as you are and wants you to live in love and honesty. No change can come...no good change can come, while you believe yourself to be bad.
God creates nothing bad. Everything that God has created He has looked upon and said that it was good. Close your eyes. Listen, and you will hear Him say "You are good, beloved child. I have made you, and you are good."
__________________
Man will never be truly free until the last king is strangled with the entrails of the last priest.
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#19
03-31-2008, 09:00 PM
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You talkin' to me???
Quote:
 I dressed up in full drag for the very first time Saturday. A friend of a friend was nice enough to make me up--the things he could do with those wigs! And he gave me two lovely dresses and some great high heels... Now if the little stinker would hurry up and email me the pics he took of me...  I had so much fun.
__________________
"And though I may not know the answers, I can finally say I am free. And if the questions led me here, then I am who I was born to be." --Susan Boyle "If all fools could fly, the sun would be eclipsed forever." --Dutch proverb
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#20
04-01-2008, 02:06 AM
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Yeah! I'm talkin' to you!
Quote:
You heard me, Didn't you?
__________________
Love and affirmation, Forrester Tongpa Nyi (formerly Ash Phoenix, faeries evolve! ) When you come to know that your entitlement to joy is a given, All that remains is the exploration of the many different ways to let it in
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