Is It Just Me Or....

[hkhb15963]

One of the most wonderful things about these forums is being able to share life experiences. I have received more support in the last few days from this website than I ever dreamed existed, so I feel safe in sharing a recent event.

I went through a ministry program called Master's Commission at my local church a few years ago, before coming out. For those of you who are not familiar, it is a discipleship ministry that has a heavy emphasis on using the arts in evangelism, as well as a very strict code of conduct, including no romantic involvement or alternate employment during the first 9 months, a strict dress code and mandatory prayer, study, volunteer work. The nature of this ministry lends to extreme bonding between classmates, given the team-related nature, as well as the minimal amount of "free time" alloted. It was rare to ever have a "day off" and even then, it was a dorm-type setting when we were allowed any free time. One of my Master's Commission roommates had her wedding this weekend and I was shocked when I received an invitation a few months back.

For me, my coming out experience was less than desirable to say the least. So without going into too great of detail, I will say that my relationship with my former church and ALL of its members ended rather upbruptly about a year ago. Now that a few new scandals had made their way through the church pipeline the time had come for hkbamboo and I to re-emerge as a couple, and this wedding just happened to be the perfect opportunity to encounter some once near and dear friends in a fairly neutral setting.

Having said that.....
Is it just me, or does it happen quite frequently to other recently outed couples, that the majority of people who knew both parties very well before being recognized as homosexual, are now comfortable talking to only one or the other, but never both?

My gut feeling was that they were intentionally (in most cases) and unitentionally (in a few) avoiding validating the relationship, or that they felt that one party had to be "responsible" for the other parties "decline into sin". Almost as though they had to separate the "aggressor" from the "victim" Luckily we ended up at a table with 2 younger couples who appeared to be at least somewhat comfortable being within 10 feet of us. About midway through the night I leaned over to the VERY pregnant girl next to me and said, very charmingly of course, "You do know we are gay right?" She paused momentarily out of shock, and looked at the floor quickly, before admitting that she did. So I proceeded, "Is it just me or have you noticed that people cannot talk to both of us at the same time?" She looked at me a little bewildered. Well, it just so happened that a staff member was talking to hkbamboo, having a very animated conversation, in fact, all the while completely ignoring my existence.
"Did I do that? I talked to both of you right??? She asked as if afraid she had offended me in some way. I reassured her that she had passed the test with flying colors. She let a little nervous laughter spill out.

Then, sure enough within a few moments that same animated staff member ended his conversation with hkbamboo, and then came over to me and greeted me as though he had just noticed my presence. After he left I asked the young lady again if she had noticed the anamoly. She replied, "Yeah, you're right. I didn't notice it until you said something though."

Alright Soulforce.... What gives? Does anyone have any advice for how to better handle situations like this? Thanks!

[Alecto]

I don't really have the same background you do, and, truth be told, haven't really had much experience in couple-dom to notice much of anything. That said, it sounds like it might be good to talk to your partner about it, and if it's something that makes you uncomfortable, both try to deliberately combat it. When someone's talking to one of you, make a point to make the other a part of the conversation. Seems like the worst that'll happen is less people talk to you (plural) in those kinds of settings.