Hi! I am Jeremy

[musicalskibum]

please delete

[keltic63]

Welcome Jeremy! Glad to have you here.

I'm not sure I can help you with your family issues. I can tell you that I know their opinion of gay relationships, and I know what their church (the church I was raised in) has to say about it. I also know how my parents treat me and my partner, with love and respect. I hoipe you find the same kind of love from your parents.

Steve

[trulyme212]

WELCOME!!

I too am not sure I can relate with the whole family thing but I do know that I'm sure, in one way or another, you will find comfort here.

Everyone is so welcoming and so nice.

Glad you made it!

[Daniel]

Originally Posted by musicalskibum

I am still struggling with going to a Baptist university and being a minister at a Baptist church. I am ok with myself at a gay man, but my family is not OK. In fact, my dad is the pastor of the church I serve in! We are fighting a lot about this topic.

Anyone out there that experienced a change in your family's reactions and feelings?

Hi Jeremy,

Glad you found your way here.

The question you ask has, of course, many individual answers.

My parents are accepting of myself and my partner in many ways. But they are still conflicted about these issues. It's hard for them. They're of a sort that doesn't talk about things much and feels very uncomfortable doing so. Hopefully, your parents have a better dynamic in which to 'hold' the issue.

The only response I have found that helps is compassion. Compassion for myself for the pain this still causes me and compassion for them for their suffering.

Fighting about it, I have found, leads only to more fighting. All heat and no light.

I wish you much peace,

Daniel

[Lydia]

Welcome, Jeremy. I've been trying to think of some good advice on your family situation....and I'm drawing a blank. So I'll defer to the wiser members.

But I am glad to meet you.

[keltic63]

Originally Posted by Lydia

So I'll defer to the wiser members.

and which ones are they?

[Lydia]

Originally Posted by keltic63

and which ones are they?

are you volunteering?

[Zerbie]

Hi Jeremy! Welcome!

Family: well, every family is going to be different, but don't lose hope that things may change or improve greatly with time. Even in the worst of scenarios, much time can change things.

I had a second-cousin who was gay, who in the 1960s was thrown out of home and thereafter the family pretended he was dead. I grew up thinking he was dead until someone let slip in summer of 1997 that he was homosexual and had run off with a man. I did some research and found him. By summer of 1998 all of the estranged family members who were still living had chatted on the phone with him and begun reconciliation. 35 years after throwing him out of the family, they finally said that being gay "doesn't matter." So - even in an extreme case like that - the ending was happier than the beginning.

Give it time, and keep the connection to your family as open as you can.

[awediot]

Hi jeremy,
I am glad to see you as well. The more the Maryer!
Don't know if this'd help, but your question brought it to mind.
When I came out (gulp, near 20 years ago) my father said it wouldn't change anything between us, which would have been great if things between us had been good up to that point. The distance and cordiality and talk of weather and golf stayed the same, and that fateful conversation, I began to realize would never be brought up again. We quietly grew further apart.
A couple years ago, as old age and failing health tend to push us all into, my dad joined a Baptist Church. This inspired an out of the blue effort of reconciliation on his part. I was open to it, but sadly more indifferent than I like to admit here. Simply, I didn't know the man. All my formative struggles were endured with out him and my acceptance of that fact was long past. It had been his loss and for the first time, he recognized it... Perhaps even the fighting is better than nothing... As has been said, "hate is not the opposite of love, indifference is."
But that is not my point... Just recently, my dad said his church was deeply divided over the homosexual issue and the rift was threatening to seperate the two sides permenently. He said if the minister fell on the anti-gay side, he would leave. The level of change(s) this revealed in him astounded me, and as our communication is still hit and miss, shocked me into a new love for him as a person, not just anger at him as a dad.
Don't know if this helps or applies, and giving each other time is, annoyingly time consuming. Just don't lose faith that anyone can come around. Patience bites.

[tdogg]

Welcome, I'm so glad you're here! It's a wonderful, fun place to be and there are lots of great people you'll get to know!

I came out not only to myself only just over a year and a half ago, and to my family shortly after that. It was difficult, but most of my friends and family are happy for me that I'm tru to myself and have a wonderful love in my life. But a few aren't very happy. It's been difficult, my girlfriend isn't welcome or even mentioned - but I'm told that eventually family comes around. Just know you aren't alone and everyone here is here for ya!

[revmichaelashton]

Originally Posted by musicalskibum

Hi all! I am very happy to join this website. I have been reading about the ride and thought I would actually post.

I am a graduate student at another university in Abilene. Thanks to the riders who came to Abilene Christian University! Your influence was felt even at my school, down the street from ACU.

I am still struggling with going to a Baptist university and being a minister at a Baptist church. I am ok with myself at a gay man, but my family is not OK. In fact, my dad is the pastor of the church I serve in! We are fighting a lot about this topic.

Anyone out there that experienced a change in your family's reactions and feelings?

Jeremy

Hey Jeremy,
This is Bussey here in abilene myself. I in fact came out at HSU as you well know. I am in the same battle as you are in when it comes to family. My family is totally against the whole me being gay thing. They refuse to have my partner around and feel that I have shamed the family. They uphold the beliefs of their southern baptist pride and the words of Dr. James Dobson that they listen to daily. But, there is hope in this. They are having to deal with it. They can't just hide it away with just "femine" characteristics or "its just a phase". Its taken awhile for my family, but they are slowly coming around. The most important thing is to be true to yourself and strong on your issues. Yes it may hurt, but with time comes healing. Hope to see you around town soon.
Lata,
Michael Bussey

[nowvoyager]

Hi Musicalskibum - I love that screen name Welcome, and I'm glad you found your way here, its an inspiring place to be. I look forward to reading posts from you.

My immediate family aren't religious but quite old-fashioned, so when I came out to them a long time ago, they didn't handle it well. But we kept seeing each other, and although they were quiet when I talked about my personal life (and changed the subject when they could), I still maintained contact, and over time they came around considerably. They don't put my relationship on the same level as my sister's with her husband, but they do adore my partner (she is quite adorable ), and call her their third daughter. So it's not perfect but its really good. And much to my surprise, my mother recently wrote a scathing letter to her local redneck newspaper in response to a negative letter about LGBT people they'd published. A huge step for her.

So I'd say, please keep at it if you want to keep loving them, the chance of significant improvement over time is very high.

[BruceChris]

Hello Musicalskibum guy, welcome to our occasionally too humble website. I am fortunate in that I didn't have too many GLBT issues with my family when I was growing up, although everyone has issues of seperation, and different values of their own to deal with.

I can see one issue here that everyone seems to be dancing around the edges of, and I hope that I'm not being too insensitive in bringing it up here. Have you ever thought that once you get out of school, your own personal growth will undoubtedly benefit from, and probably require you to get out of your father's church, and allow you to work on your own place in the world for a while? This will undoubtedly not be without conflict, but then you are already aware that that will not go away by itself anyway.

I hope that you can find some good friends and support systems that will help you, and accept you as you are. It would be awfully nice to have those in place before you graduate. I wish I could introduce you to the University Baptist Church here in Minneapolis, they have chosen to be inclusive. Congregational Polity, and all that.

A good link for almost ALL denominal resources and support systems can be found at http://www.welcomingresources.org/links.htm Good Luck!

Peace, Love, and Much Strength, BruceChris