How to find a church

[worried mom]

I was raised in an evangelical fundamentalist church. The belief that homosexuality was a sin was not really a problem, until it became personal, when I realized that my son was gay. Then all the teachings that I had heard made no sense. Why would anyone choose this path of pain and prejudice? And if it was not a choice, then how could it be a sin? Maybe it was like alcoholism, only a sin if you acted on it. But where was the joy for those who wanted the love found in a relationship?

As I pondered all these things, I realized how horrible the church has been toward our own. So I quit listening in church, and only go to make my husband happy. But I feel like I have a huge secret that I cannot share. I miss the fellowship of Christians. I have no feeling of religious connection to the more liberal and gay accepting churches.

So, how do I find an evangelical fellowship that is gay accepting in a small, non progressive town? Can I find an online community where at least I can ask for support and ask questions of like minded individuals?

[Daniel]

You've found such a place.

Welcome.

Ask away. I know that many will respond to your concerns.

From what you write is sounds as though your son has confided in you but not in his father, have I got that right?

That's a lot of secrecy for you to handle, and as such, that is something of a burden. I would assume, based on the religious view of your husband and the fear is that he will react badly to news that his son is gay.

Many of us have had such fears. It's hard to tell one's parents that one is gay if they are conservative religiously. And this is so even if one's parents are not religious- one can feel like one is letting one's parents down somehow. There's a lot fo stuff for the gay child to work through.

All this aside, I am glad that your son has confided in you, and that you love and support him, and have thought through some of the issues involved. That's a huge deal, believe me. His knowing that you love him and accept him (and in time his partner), is a big big deal.

I simply wish to let you know your heart is a big one. That's what I read in your words. And no child could ask for more!

Not sure how to answer you question about an affirming church in your area accept to say that one resource you might contact if PFlag in your area. They undoubtedly have members you can connect with which will help you find your way.

Thank you for posting here. And I encourage you to stick around and avail yourself of the article and words of others. There is a lot of help to be had here!

Your son is very blessed to have you as his Mom.

[BenL]

Originally Posted by worried mom

I was raised in an evangelical fundamentalist church. The belief that homosexuality was a sin was not really a problem, until it became personal, when I realized that my son was gay. Then all the teachings that I had heard made no sense. Why would anyone choose this path of pain and prejudice? And if it was not a choice, then how could it be a sin? Maybe it was like alcoholism, only a sin if you acted on it. But where was the joy for those who wanted the love found in a relationship?

As I pondered all these things, I realized how horrible the church has been toward our own. So I quit listening in church, and only go to make my husband happy. But I feel like I have a huge secret that I cannot share. I miss the fellowship of Christians. I have no feeling of religious connection to the more liberal and gay accepting churches.

So, how do I find an evangelical fellowship that is gay accepting in a small, non progressive town? Can I find an online community where at least I can ask for support and ask questions of like minded individuals?

I'm glad you found us. Many here grew up in churches like yours. Others didn't. But most of the people who think of themselves as gay, lesbian, bisexual or transgender have experienced the kind of alienation that you have, simply because they don't see the truth in their churches' teaching about gay people. They are still believers, many of them, and they often miss the cultural connections you are missing. Your experience is very familiar here, and I think we're an online community where you could find solace.

Most of us also know what it feels like to have a secret that you can't share with the people in your life. You're in a closet of your own, just like your gay son is or was.

There also are plenty of us who don't identify as evangelical/fundamentalist, so this could be a comfortable place for you to begin to get to know people who are genuinely faithful to their spiritual journeys, but who are, as you describe them, progressive or liberal.

You say you attend church for your husband. Does he know about your son, and if so, how has he reacted? It can be difficult when one parent is not accepting, both for the gay child and for the accepting spouse.

There are lots of good people here to bounce these hard questions off of. Some of them are straight supporters who may be able to help you see your way through the maze of difficulties you are experiencing.

I think that God is calling you to a closer relationship with him and with your son. God wants you to continue loving your son, just as God loves you. I feel positive that with faith and love, God will show you the way.

[kara speltz]

Bless you for you love and conern for your son. He's blessed to have you in his life. So many don't have any support from their parents.

I'm pasting below some URLs to help you find a welcoming and affirming church in your area. It is truly surprising how many there are now.

http://gaychurch.org/Find_a_Church/u...ted_states.htm

http://www.christianlesbians.com/congregations/

http://www.welcomingchurches.com/

Kara

[nmwolfboy]

Welcome!

Here's another online resource you may find helpful:

Institute for Welcoming Resources

Glad you've found Soulforce!

Pax,
scott

[Gennee]

Welcome to Soulforce. I will attest that this is a wonderful sight whee you can feel free to share what's on your heart. Kara and Scott posted some websites that are very good. God bless you and your son.

Gennee

[Sere-Kun]

Any mainstream Christian church will not respect your son's sexual orientation. I suggest going to a Unitarian Universalist church that is a member of the UUA (Unitarian Universalist Association of Congregations). True, they are another religion altogether, but they are heavily influenced by Judeo-Christian traditions, but they believe in choosing your own spiritual path and your understanding of meaning and truth. You can be a Christian and still be a member of a UU church. They ARE a liberal faith, but any accepting and welcoming church (Christian or not) will be liberal to some degree anyway. They have no dogma and official creed. They only preach about helping others and toleration, along with equal rights and antiracism.

I'm a Unitarian Universalist, my church is only a few miles away from my home. I feel like I can be at peace with the Divine and nature, and I can believe freely without being persecuted. I'm also bisexual and transgender, so they go out of their way to accept and love me for who I am.

[u-dog]

Thanks for posting and thanks for your unqualified support and love for your son. You are a blessing and you are certainly welcome here. This community is full of Christians of every stripe as well as many non-christians. All wonderful folks who ... mostly get along. You know... the occasional tiff and misunderstanding. This is a very respectful place.

With regard to your search for a church, don't assume that all GLBT churches are "liberal" theologically. My wife and I attend a GLBT church where the pastor is a former primitive baptist and many of the deacons are charismatics. Some people are former fundamentalists some are mainline protestant, some catholic. The worship is lively. Many people raise their hands to pray. The theology is quite orthodox. They all think (erroneously) that we are straight and are nevertheless very warm and welcoming towards us.

Of course, if you are in a small town you may have to drive a distance to find a GLBT congregation.

In any case, I wish you well in your search!