Closeted gays still killing themselves

[Jamie McDaniel]

Last week I saw a snippet in the paper where a local coroner had been arrested at Jacobson park for exposing himself to an undercover cop. It is known in the gay community that this park is a place for anonymous sex.

After I read the news blurb, I showed it to a gay friend of mine. I said that although the paper didn't report the gender of the cop, it was very likely that he was male. Although I knew nothing about the coroner, the story brought to mind Larry Craig, Ted Haggard, and others who are deeply closeted and get caught.

This story, however, ended tragically. A few days later the paper reported that a roommate had filed a missing person report. The next day, the coroner was found dead in a local hotel. He had taken his own life. None of the articles had mentioned anything about homosexuality, but it only takes a little to read between the lines.

How sad that this continues to happen -- that the fear of being known as a gay, lesbian, or bisexual person is too much for someone. Certainly anonymous sex is dangerous and we've decided to impose penalties for doing it in the public park, but no one would kill themselves if this incident had been heterosexual.

Clark coroner found dead

[pnggrad79]

Oh Jamie, that is horrible. Someday we will all be equal and it won't be shameful to be gay. There are so many of us out there and people need to know they are not alone. I wish there was a way that I could abolish all closets, real and self imposed. They serve no good purpose except to store things. I wouldn't go back in there for anything.

[Matt Algren]

So sad. I'm presuming too much, to be sure, but I'm wondering if the roomate is something more. God, the pain they must have gone through, how afraid he must have been.

I was surprised that a search on the Soulforce forums didn't turn up any hits for Alison Bechdel's FUN HOME, Time's Book of the Year 2006. It's a true story about this very issue, told through the lens of a lesbian (Bechdel, of Dykes to Watch Out For) whose closeted father committed suicide after his daughter came out and his wife filed for divorce.

(I'm not giving anything away; she tells that part of the story in the first 25 pages.)

I read FUN HOME about a year ago, right before I came out myself. I had to stop about a third of the way through when I almost got physically ill because I so identified with him and was so afraid of turning out like him.

That's a recommendation, by the way. It doesn't look like one, I know, but it really is a powerful novel.

[tymejumper]

Originally Posted by pnggrad79

Oh Jamie, that is horrible. Someday we will all be equal and it won't be shameful to be gay. There are so many of us out there and people need to know they are not alone. I wish there was a way that I could abolish all closets, real and self imposed. They serve no good purpose except to store things. I wouldn't go back in there for anything.

That is terrible. I get so angry about the Christain Right saying that gay youth and persons are not at a higher risk for suicide. I wonder, how will their God judge them? They spread hate and fear and try to use His word to back it up. There is no excuse for forcing someone to live in such pain and fear that they feel they have NO way out except to kill themselves. Unfortunately, many of us feel alone. I sure did, I hid in the closet and married a man to try to make myself straight(at least appearing).

I try to do my part as I have already paid my dues(so to speak)The biggest thing I decided to do was out myself to daughters gay friends. I also let her English teacher, whom is gay, know too. It got around to all the gay kids in her high school and they all say 'hi' to me now! (that's good communication for a teen) I never want a child to feel the way I did. It's important they know other gay adults that are SAFE to talk to or go to if they need it.

I know this guy was no teen but would it have made a difference if there had been an adult to talk to when he was a teen and sad, lonely and afraid?

I know this guy was an adult, but if as a teen he just knew one other adult gay person, could this have been avoided?

[Alecto]

More than denying the statistic, I usually see more of a reversal of causality. "They kill themselves because of their evil lifestyle" or something. Which is, of course, even worse.

[Gennee]

There are many LGBT people who, sadly, end their lives because they cannot express who they are or at least talk with someone about it. I met a young lady a month ago who lost her job, a roommate, and rejected by her folks because she is lesbian.

This also highlights why Soulforce is so important. I know there are many people on chirstian college campuses that are gay, lesbian, bisexual, or transgender but have few resources where they can be open. This is very sad because christian college campus and the church are two places where someone should feel free to discuss anything.

I pray for those who are in this quandry. When I think about how many people end their lives because of this, it takes a lot to keep me from weeping .

Gennee

[Emproph]

Originally Posted by tymejumper

I try to do my part as I have already paid my dues(so to speak)The biggest thing I decided to do was out myself to daughters gay friends. I also let her English teacher, whom is gay, know too. It got around to all the gay kids in her high school and they all say 'hi' to me now! (that's good communication for a teen) I never want a child to feel the way I did. It's important they know other gay adults that are SAFE to talk to or go to if they need it.

Good for you (and them)! I was the only gay person in the world went through hell growing up. The ironic part is that one summer I hung out with this one girl and two other guys - both of whom turned out to be gay, but it wasn’t until years later that we found out about each other. So much pain could have been avoided had we had the courage to be ourselves.

Originally Posted by Alecto

More than denying the statistic, I usually see more of a reversal of causality. "They kill themselves because of their evil lifestyle" or something. Which is, of course, even worse.

And then they go further by saying “Oh, but gay activists say it’s because of social stigma, but if you look over here at the Netherlands where gay acceptance is at an all time high, they still commit suicide more often.”

I know the same organizations are saying both things, at some point I want to go through and document that specifically.

In regard to the story, I remember a speaker at one of the PFLAG meetings down here in Naples as having said that they entrap these men in the parks, arrest them, and then brand them as sexual predators, meaning that the newspaper then prints their name and offense, they have to register as a sex offender wherever they move and then they’re also listed on the internet for anyone to look up. She also mentioned that a man arrested for soliciting a prostitute DOES NOT get the sex offender status. I know that laws vary from place to place, but in regard to what she was saying, they basically ruin these peoples lives.

I get embarrassed just buying toilet paper, so I don’t know how these people survive.

[BishopIoan]

This is so sad and even now, in the 21st Century, LGBT people are driven to suicide often at the hands of "Christians" who then condemn them for killing themselves. Sadly, it goes on and on and on. Now the Relgious Right is increasing persecution of gay, lesbian, bi and transgendered people. Nothing justifies this and the only consolation that we have is that God, who sees all, will one day call them to account.

[Gennee]

Originally Posted by BishopIoan

This is so sad and even now, in the 21st Century, LGBT people are driven to suicide often at the hands of "Christians" who then condemn them for killing themselves. Sadly, it goes on and on and on. Now the Relgious Right is increasing persecution of gay, lesbian, bi and transgendered people. Nothing justifies this and the only consolation that we have is that God, who sees all, will one day call them to account.

You're so right, Bishop. How can anyone call themselves "Christian" and condemn a group of people at the same time? It's no wonder that LGBT people reject the bible, God, or anything to do with Christianity.

Gennee

[Jamie McDaniel]

To follow up on this, there was an article in the paper today that had this:

Charles Corby Jr., identified as Jacobs' partner in his obituary, filed a missing person report on the afternoon of June 27...

In earlier articles, Mr. Corby was identified as Jacobs' roommate.

Jacobson Park has been known for years as a place where gay men sometimes go in search of anonymous sex, said Lexington police Sgt. Jason Parks.

Parks said undercover officers check the park periodically to look for illegal or inappropriate sexual activity, but don't target gays.

According to Crowe, Jacobs' arrest potentially could have damaged his future political career, but probably was something that members of the community would have forgotten about — if he had given them an opportunity.

Clark coroner's death stumps friends and acquaintances

[Pablo Rafael]

Since I spent almost all of my adult life being a closeted gay, I can really resonate with this issue. For years my greatest fear was being discovered. Closeted gays don't have the support from each other that those of us who are out in the open do. (That's an awkward sentence.) There was no one I could talk to about being gay. No one with whom I could share and get encouragement. I had friends who were gay, but they were closeted as well. No one ever spoke being gay about it even if we all knew. The internet was the turning point for me. Here on the forums was the first time I ever told ANYONE I was gay. I still hid behind a made-up username and didn't reveal my location. (Yes "Pablo Rafael" is a fake name. The real name is "Paul", but I like the Spanish version better.)

I didn't realize what a relief "coming out" would be. The tension that I didn't even realize that I carried with me day after day is gone. The freedom is truly amazing. Now I can freely talk about being gay and I have no secret to hide. I had to pay a cost to come out, but it has been worth it.

I hope that God can use me to maybe convince someone else who is suffering in the closet that it is OK to "come out". Liberation is a wonderful thing.

It's not easy being gay in a straight world, but I think it is easier being openly gay than being in the closet.