Hi I'm Chris

[livewithsoulandfreedom]

hello,
I'm an FTM transsexual bisexual christian. I found out about this place from an interview Mel White did with GCN (gay christian network) Radio, and thought "oh cool" but I didn't check it out until I heard Mel White speak again this time with Whosoever (an online magazine for GLBT christians) on their podcast/godcast. His interview with Candance Chellew-Hodge really struck a chord with me, he said a lot of intelligent things. So I decided to check this place out and I registered. I'm 15 years old.... yes I know I'm young but truly for my age I am quite smart (and modest too ) I hope this place will be a great resource for me.

[Matt Algren]

Welcome, Chris.

[Zerbie]

Hi Chris. Great to have you here~!

[RaymondCharlesWoollcombe]

Yes Chris that is what i said.

Born Gay Follow The Ray, Born Straight Refuse to hate! So u can follow me. HEHE

[BruceChris]

But if you're nice, I'll let you use it.

FtM trans, bi, and not in a land who'se culture I have much knowledge of. And 15. That sounds like a plateful.

Tell me, do you find life to be more interesting, or more confusing? Tell us more about yourself. And hey, with a name like Chris, at least you can go either way.

Peace and Love, Bruce Chris

[livewithsoulandfreedom]

okay, well I'd say my life is rather confusing... and well its not easy...
but to be perfectly honest, if it were any different I'd be bored. Whenever
I go through periods where I don't have problems in my life, I make my own problems. I know that sounds odd... but for me life without any problems to be solved would be extremely dull. Hope that makes sense.

[Vanessa White]

Age, I don't pay much attention to that around here. We have a lot of very astute, keenly self-aware young people around here. You are most welcome, and I look forward to you sharing your journey, if you are comfortable to do so, with your FTM transition process. I admire your courage and your willingness to be yourself. I also am fascinated by cultural differences around the world, and am wondering being from Malaysia, what has been the response to your status as transgender? If that is too personal, please let me know. I am just a sponge for new thoughts, ideas and facts....

Anyway, have fun here at the forums! Peace, Vanessa

[livewithsoulandfreedom]

hi,
so far the responses have been positive but make no mistake, there is a most definite reason for this. I have so far only told the people who I knew would accept me and unfortunately this doesn't include my parents. Its not that I'll know they won't accept me, its more that I don't know what they'll say. There are an abundance of rumours going around school that I am a lesbian which they came to me with, which (at the time actually thinking I was a lesbian) I neither denied or confirmed. They basically took this as meaning "yes its true". The first thing my mum said was "don't think you can be christian and gay" the second thing she said was something along the lines of "what about my grandkids"? and the third thing she said was "we wouldn't care if you just tried harder in school" I knew that last thing she said was a lie based on the first two things she said. Oh well... So I haven't told her the truth yet. I was thinking about waiting until after university when I am not financially dependent on them, so that I could cut ties off with them. But I know thats not the right way to deal with this I have to gather the courage (which I have been praying for God to give me every night ) and just tell my mum. I couldn't tell my dad. He's Roman Catholic. That said he's come along way. From his Side C stance, before I came out, to his now Side B stance. (Just to clear this up, incase you aren't familiar with Side A/B/C, Side A is the belief that same-sex relationships are okay in the eyes of God, Side B is the belief that God calls all gays to celibacy, and Side C is the belief that God wants you to change from your homosexual orientation into a heterosexual orientation). So he's come a long way all things considered. But I could never sit down with him and tell him I was trans. I don't know how he'd react or what he'd do. As for the local population, I get looks. Especially when it comes to restrooms. Since I am currently using the female bathrooms since I'm in the closet to most people, they always look at me. (Always is no exaggeration.) I have short hair. I dress in guys clothes. I look like a guy. (To be perfectly honest its a wonder my parents haven't asked me.) Of course then when I'm in the female restrooms, one time these chinese people took one look at me and started spouting off in chinese. (As if I didn't know what they were talking about... ). At school, when I was in a maths summer school program... everyone thought I was a guy... until I said "I'd love a religious wedding but then I'd have to wear a dress and I'd hate that". They were like "what a dress but you're a guy! why would you have to wear a dress?". Then they kept asking me all these weird questions. Really personal things that I wasn't ready to discuss with them. People constantly call me sir in public. Beggars bloody belief that my parents haven't caught on. Just to be clear though... I'm not malaysian, I'm british. So if you were looking for the whole "what's it like to be a malaysian transsexual" don't ask me I wouldn't know. I do think, and this may surprise you, that actually there are quite a few malaysian transsexuals. MTF transsexuals, I see them out all the time. Usually when I go to the more, shall we say, "down town back of the alley" type of places. I could go on all night talking about the reactions and the responses I get. I could even go on to talk about islamic law. Yes, malaysia is an islamic country and is run by islamic law that prohibits muslims from a whole range of things. Drinking alcohol, smoking, gambling, homosexual sex etc., so on and so forth but as far as I know, having a sex change is not on the list. Correct me if I'm wrong by the way but thats just what I've come to grasp. Fortunately, islamic law only applies to muslims. Fortunately for me that is... anyway if that isn't a full enough answer then what is?

[BruceChris]

So although no one in your life has guessed or learned about your being trans, you can get by from day to day. Evidentally it's either your being British, or your obviously not being Islamic that has put you out of reach of most of the sanctions or punishments that some people might wish to impose.

I guess that I would have to assume that there are no high profile youth gangs or other criminal elements that might threaten you if they came across you. Such people tend to get very uptight and prone to violence whenever they meet someone who is just too different.

Your parents have known you all of your life, and they've just gotten used to you. That, and they are in a form of denial. They don't ask questions that they suspect that they don't want an answer to.

Is there a clear path to becoming a transsexual in Maylasian society? I suspect that that would be a tough one. The most obvious path would seem to be to go back to England, and become a British transsexual. I'm sure that you could find a trans peer group very fast there. Is this likely? how long is your family staying in Maylasia?

Re Islam not having a doctrine on transsexualism: They are probably like a lot of conservative Christian religions. It is not so much a matter of not being on the list, as being off the charts. It involves having to ask a question that they do not want to admit exists.

Whenever
I go through periods where I don't have problems in my life, I make my own problems. I know that sounds odd... but for me life without any problems to be solved would be extremely dull. Hope that makes sense.

That line makes you sound like you might be what some of us call a "DRAMA QUEEN"

Note: I used to date Lynn, who used to be Allen, so I've sorta been there, but of course NOT in a foreign country.

Peace and Love, Bruce Chris

[livewithsoulandfreedom]

hi,
I would just like to say that wherever my parents decide to retire, I thoroughly intend to stay in britain. As soon as I am 18, I am going back
to the UK and going to university (hopefully, if I get the grades to that is). My reason for not staying in malaysia is simple. Malaysia just doesn't feel like home. When I go back to the UK on holiday, I don't feel like I'm on holiday I feel like I'm home and that I've just been away for a very long time in a different country. So yes, I am definitely going back to the UK when I am free of "parental supervision" (which I'm told you are never truly free of but you get my point). I do intend on continuing a healthy honest relationship with my parents and don't get my wrong, I do intend on visiting them and I'll still love them but home is home and malaysia isn't my home. If my parents decided to go back to the UK now I wouldn't question their decision and I'd be over the moon. Just wanted to let any malaysians reading this know that I am in no way intending to offend Malaysia. It is a beautiful country, a great place. It doesn't come without its baggage though and even if it didn't have any baggage I would still favour England because England is home.

[BruceChris]

xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx

http://www.soulforce.org/forums/showthread.php?t=5150

Bruce Chris

[livewithsoulandfreedom]

Originally Posted by BruceChris

xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx

http://www.soulforce.org/forums/showthread.php?t=5150

Bruce Chris

No I did not see this but I do intend on reading it...

[Gennee]

Hi Chris and welcome!

Gennee