Hello again, out for good this time

[nervezapper]

I first came here last year when I finally started coming out to myself. The only people I came out to were people on chat boards, no one in my real 3-d life. Life happens and I shoved myself back into the closet. I tried to become un-gay, but as we all know that does not work.

I am taking classes to become an ordained interfaith minister and it was an assignment that got to me (in a good way) and now I am releasing myself from my self imposed prison. I have come out a few people and participated in the Mankato pride festival last weekend (it was dedicated to Jacob Reitan and his family).

I have a long way to go in coming out. The ones I worry about the most are my blood family. I come from an independant fundamental baptist tradition (the pastor was friends with Jerry Falwell and James Dobson was a little too liberal). My mom and one brother are still deep in it and my other brother is career military, not exactly a gay friendly mix. My mom even protested in support for the Minnesota Defense of Marriage Act. My dad died 16 years ago.

I am so happy to be living in the age of the internet and in a smallish but largely GLBT friendly town.

[Zerbie]

Welcome.

Gee. Sounds like you are worrying quite a bit. Just be prepared in case your family has the reaction you are afraid of, but also be open to things going better than you expected. And take it slow. Don't do anything you don't feel ready for.

Just keep working at making your life one you can be proud of for yourself. You can't do more than that.

[Gennee]

Welcome to the forum. Zerbie made of a good point of not doing anything before you're comfortable with it. I will pray for you and your family and that all will go well.

Gennee

[Daniel]

Glad you came back and that you are finding your way out of that tight closet. Not small matter that.

Others have said it well: taking each step as you are comfortable is a good thing. No need to rush matters. And the more support you have before coming out to your family, the better.

And yes- working on your own happiness, joy and career, is what will sustain you- perhaps more than anything. I can attest to that.

I think they call it having a life.

[BruceChris]

You're just down the pike from where I live. The Twin Cities gay community has a lot to offer, in the way of people and support. We have a number of different ways in which the gay community and the churches are involved together.

We have the Resource Center for Churches,

http://www.resourcesforthejourney.org/

That has offices of most denominations in the building, and connections to just about everybody. There are more progressive churches than I can count. If and when you can connect with the religious community in the Cities, I imagine that the resources that you will find may be a bit overpowering, at first.

This will, of course, not be of immediate value in connecting with your family, but it could be a powerful positive experience and resource in it's own way.

In any case, I hope that your journey is ultimately a successful one for you.
And I would hope that you could experience my church, and MCC at some time.

As Eleanor Roosevelt once said, no one can make you feel bad about yourself without your permission. We at SoulForce support you.

Peace and Love, Bruce Chris

[nervezapper]

Mankato has at least four churches that are very openly welcoming of the GLBT community. We have a UCC, UU, Episcopal, and Interfaith (which I am part of). I do plan on checking out some of the churches up in the Twin Cities area, if only gas were not so darn expensive.

Thanks to the link to the resources!!

[nervezapper]

Originally Posted by Daniel

Glad you came back and that you are finding your way out of that tight closet. Not small matter that.

Others have said it well: taking each step as you are comfortable is a good thing. No need to rush matters. And the more support you have before coming out to your family, the better.

And yes- working on your own happiness, joy and career, is what will sustain you- perhaps more than anything. I can attest to that.

I think they call it having a life.

trust me, I won't be coming out to my family until I have a huge support network in place.

I'm also working on that whole thing about creating my own happiness. For the first 29 years or so of my life I did what other people told me I should do. Now for this past year I've done my own thing. While it's not been easy it's definitely been liberating.

[nervezapper]

Originally Posted by Zerbie

Welcome.

Gee. Sounds like you are worrying quite a bit. Just be prepared in case your family has the reaction you are afraid of, but also be open to things going better than you expected. And take it slow. Don't do anything you don't feel ready for.

Just keep working at making your life one you can be proud of for yourself. You can't do more than that.

I'm doing a lot of study and making sure I have a solid foundation of knowledge so I can have an answer to the common objections I know I will get, especially from my mom and her friends. I will need this also as I begin to live more and more out of the closet. While Mankato has a number of welcoming churches we also have many that have not yet seen the light.

[Daniel]

Originally Posted by nervezapper

I'm also working on that whole thing about creating my own happiness. For the first 29 years or so of my life I did what other people told me I should do. Now for this past year I've done my own thing. While it's not been easy it's definitely been liberating.

Doing your own thing.

When we start listening to that inner voice inside us instead of those outside us, life changes for the better- at least- that's been my experience.

I came out when I was 28. And that was hard, stupid (I was forced into it by my father who asked questions which I answered without preparation) and liberating.

Things only got better after that.

[Zerbie]

Originally Posted by Daniel

Doing your own thing.

When we start listening to that inner voice inside us instead of those outside us, life changes for the better- at least- that's been my experience.

I came out when I was 28. And that was hard, stupid (I was forced into it by my father who asked questions which I answered without preparation) and liberating.

Things only got better after that.

Daniel, I'm curious about what happened with your dad.

[nervezapper]

Originally Posted by Zerbie

Daniel, I'm curious about what happened with your dad.

I'm curious too

[Daniel]

Originally Posted by Zerbie

Daniel, I'm curious about what happened with your dad.

Originally Posted by nervezapper

I'm curious too

But will simply say that my father, after figuring out that I was seeing my boyfriend, confronted me. It wasn't pretty. He said some really awful things. Things which are hard to forget. And my mother sat there crying, not saying a word. Something out of a novel, but without the sound track.

One good thing came out of that experience however. Both my parents started treating me a new level of respect. They didn't like the truth, but the truth, but they came to accept it. It took a long while though. Years in fact. The religious element? That's still the fly in the ointment.

I love them anyway.

[nervezapper]

Don't worry about hijacking the thread, it happens.

Thanks for sharing your story.

[Gennee]

Originally Posted by nervezapper

trust me, I won't be coming out to my family until I have a huge support network in place.

I'm also working on that whole thing about creating my own happiness. For the first 29 years or so of my life I did what other people told me I should do. Now for this past year I've done my own thing. While it's not been easy it's definitely been liberating.

Going out on your own isn't easy but it is a way of letting God work in you. Self acceptance is the first step toward self-discovery.

Gennee

[Jennifer5]

I've read many of your posts and have been enjoying them! I just realized I never got to properly say welcome so....

Welcome! We love having you here!

[micah6.8.]

Originally Posted by nervezapper

I come from an independant fundamental baptist tradition (the pastor was friends with Jerry Falwell and James Dobson was a little too liberal)...

Whoa!