For You who Pray I Change

[awediot]

For you who love and accept and pray for my release from the grips of homosexuality, I thank you for the concern and am happy to part of the umbrella love you have found for humanity. I ask that you take me at my word, that my youth was spent praying to Jesus to change me, remove my sinfull, misguided desires, castrate my lusts and odd loves that I may persue celibacy in His honor, or nail me with a train. Clearly, consistently and unmistakably, He said NO.

May I ask; did I not pray right? Was it not long enough? Did He change something I did not recognize or do I like females more than I think I do? Should I fake it? Or, do I as an adult need to try again from scratch, though I feel pressured to do so only from you, not from God?

What am I to do?

[pnggrad79]

Sexuality is a gift from God and if you heard from Him on the subject of your homosexuality, then celebrate it for that is who He made you to be. He loves you no matter what. He is the truth and the truth will make you free.
Embrace it awediot! It is who you are and being inauthentic is not glorifying to God.

[Zerbie]

This post opens an enormous worm-can. Praying for specific ends for other folk. . . How could we ever know that the specific outcome we are praying for is the "right" one? I try to pray open-ended prayers, because it's not up to me to set the course for anyone, Zerbie included.

I'm sure there are folks praying something along similar lines supposedly on my behalf - I've met folk who told me they prayed for me to "come to" their particular religion. I don't feel supported or blessed by such a prayer. I feel insulted - how dare they assume I am not on exactly the perfect path the Lord put me on?! But not insulted enough to become upset, because I am certain that the same Lord of Life that carries me also knows a limited prayer when he hears one. Besides, when people pray like that, they are doing so because their religion has helped and comforted them, and they mean it as a way of wishing the same comforts and help to me, you, whosoever. Nevertheless, I wish people would pray not for specific outcomes, but for whatever it is that the Lord knows is to our greatest benefit, not what we think is. For my part, I try. It's difficult.

Awediot - you know from deep within your heart Who you are. Does it not feel safe in there? Don't let the mistaken impressions of others, however well-intended, wrench you out of that heart. Don't make any conclusions in advance - we never know how life is going to play out. Just know that you're you (whoever he is ) and what you are you have always been and always will be no matter what happens on the outside.


And yes, also:

[tdogg]

I have an aunt who, according to her, is praying desperately for me to repent of my sinful lifestyle and come back to Jesus. Interestingly enough, it seems like I can tell when she's praying hard, because I'll feel a sudden intense and renewed love for my girlfriend. It's strange, but affirming.

I have tried numerous times to tell her that I'm not sinning and I've never left my faith. She just doesn't get it, doesn't want to get it and has no interest in discussing the issue (it's her issue) - she doesn't want to open the door to the spirit of homosexuality in her life.

I think if we are in God's will (and/or a good place in our life), even if there are those who pray against us, we will still be blessed. That is all the confirmation I need to know I'm doing the right thing. That and the incredible love that surrounds me, my spirit and everything else from the relationship that God has blessed me with. Also, the peace that I have been blessed with since I finally finally came out to myself (the most important person to come out to!).

I think Awediot's thread was meant to question those who would pray for us such as my aunt, not so much that he is questioning himself or who he is. That's how I took it anyway.

[keltic63]

Originally Posted by tdogg

I think Awediot's thread was meant to question those who would pray for us such as my aunt, not so much that he is questioning himself or who he is. That's how I took it anyway.

Yeah, I think Awediot is comfortable with who he is!

[awediot]

Yeah, if anything I am too comfortable in my own skin. Thanks Zerbie and pnggrad79. I forget how sweet and quick some on this forum are. My thread was meant for the likes of tdoggs aunt (but if the worst I can clarify is your leap to kindness, may we all be overflowing with your error).

Zerbie, you hit on a crucial aspect of prayer in general that I have thought of stirring up elsewhere. I like your open ended acceptance rather than a request, which implies God somehow needs petitioned or educated as to a better way He hadn't thought of yet. I try more to pray for the strength to understand and 'endure' His will, for myself and others rather than change something. And a direct, quiet prayer of gratitude goes a long way as well...

[Zerbie]

Hey dude,

I *thought* that was rhetoric and sarcasm.

But just in case. . .well.

[tdogg]

Zerbie,

You are the bomb and we love you!!! You are so caring, you rock!!!

[Zerbie]

What a great pick-me-up! Kinda needed it this week, actually.

Thanks.

And don't let's ignore PNG now - she was right there encouraging and supporting awediot right from the beginning.

Yayyyy, us! We *all* rock.

[Mia14]

Originally Posted by awediot

... a request, which implies God somehow needs petitioned or educated as to a better way He hadn't thought of yet. I try more to pray for the strength to understand and 'endure' His will, for myself and others rather than change something. And a direct, quiet prayer of gratitude goes a long way as well...

I never thought of it that way, but I like the way you put it, awediot. I think a lot of people do pray to God asking for things, like trying to change his plans or trying to petition in large numbers for a "better" way. It's true!

My father is part of a prayer group. I never really liked the idea behind their prayer group, but after reading what you wrote, it kind of clicked what I didn't like about it. It seems like each week they gather together to tell God what they want, instead of maybe asking God to help them through the experiences they might need to have.

[tdogg]

Same to you PNG - you are the bomb and you rock right alongisde Zerbie!!

Thanks both of you for being here and so active on the forums - I enjoy reading your posts and your supportive yet honest words. You make this place and the world a better place to be.
Now, back to my 'lurking'......shhh, don't tell anyone....

[keltic63]

bumping this in light of current events in our forums.

[ladyinred]

"Also, the peace that I have been blessed with since I finally finally came out to myself (the most important person to come out to!). "Girl you hit the nail right on the head. If you are at peace with your self, nothing needs to change.When you are at peace with yourself , you are in GODS peace and are already blessed..

[ladyinred]

"I ask that you take me at my word, that my youth was spent praying to Jesus to change me, remove my sinfull, misguided desires, castrate my lusts and odd loves that I may persue celibacy in His honor, or nail me with a train. Clearly, consistently and unmistakably, He said NO." Must have been a good reason for him to say no,he didn't feel like you needed to change, but you needed to change your mind about yourself. Perhaps in that "no", was God's love and mercy for you. What is in your highest good? What will bring you peace of mind. Perhaps a prayer to God to bring his peace in your life is what you need the most.

[scott snedeker]

Originally Posted by awediot

For you who love and accept and pray for my release from the grips of homosexuality, I thank you for the concern and am happy to part of the umbrella love you have found for humanity. I ask that you take me at my word, that my youth was spent praying to Jesus to change me, remove my sinfull, misguided desires, castrate my lusts and odd loves that I may persue celibacy in His honor, or nail me with a train. Clearly, consistently and unmistakably, He said NO.

May I ask; did I not pray right? Was it not long enough? Did He change something I did not recognize or do I like females more than I think I do? Should I fake it? Or, do I as an adult need to try again from scratch, though I feel pressured to do so only from you, not from God?

What am I to do?

Ask what is it about homosexual nature that bothers you and them. I think it is the judgement by ourselves and by others. Which is the real problem, the judgement or the nature? Which is possilbe to change, the judgement or the nature? What is changing in the human race all over the world, the judgement or the nature?