My first post

[chuck2pastor]

My name is Chuck and I've been a United Methodist pastor for 25 years. I'm married with two wonderful daughters. I'm scared out of my mind to be writing on this forum, but I have been struggling for so long, that I need to get this out. I am gay, and I am glad to say that I do have some close friends that I am out to; I'd like to be more open, but the consequences of that are too much for me to handle -- right now. In my area, there is a group called Grace for All which is working for the full inclusion of GLBT persons in the life of the church; while the members are mostly UM, the group is ecumenical in nature.

Right now, I feel like I'm going off the deep end. I just pray this isn't the biggest mistake I've ever made in my life, and somehow I believe that just the opposite is going to prove to be the case.

Peace,
Chuck

[tdogg]

Wow, you've said a lot in just a few words! First off, welcome to you and I'm glad you found your way here! Yeah! Hope you stay around and see how wonderful it is here on the forums. You will find a lot of support.

Then, you need to ask yourself, "how can who I am be the biggest mistake?" It's not a mistake, you are who you are. God created you gay and if it was a problem, you wouldn't have been created gay. Period.

That's a challenge to get through tho! Well, there are many here who will be happy to discuss it with you. And will certainly be encouraging and supportive. Being out to a few is a start. It sounds like you have a supportive group which is important when you are coming out.

I was afraid at first, but when I realized that being myself and living out was quite wonderful, and that there was no indication that God was horrified at it (in fact the opposite is quite true - I'm so very blessed!), it's been nothing short of awesome and I wouldn't change a thing! (Well, maybe just to have accepted myself and come out sooner!).

Welcome & so glad you are here!

Tdogg

[Zerbie]

Originally Posted by chuck2pastor

My name is Chuck and I've been a United Methodist pastor for 25 years. I'm married with two wonderful daughters. I'm scared out of my mind to be writing on this forum, but I have been struggling for so long, that I need to get this out. I am gay, and I am glad to say that I do have some close friends that I am out to; I'd like to be more open, but the consequences of that are too much for me to handle -- right now. In my area, there is a group called Grace for All which is working for the full inclusion of GLBT persons in the life of the church; while the members are mostly UM, the group is ecumenical in nature.

Right now, I feel like I'm going off the deep end. I just pray this isn't the biggest mistake I've ever made in my life, and somehow I believe that just the opposite is going to prove to be the case.

Peace,
Chuck

Welcome, Chuck. Thank you for having the courage to share about yourself and your situation. I am glad you are not completely alone, and that you've come to talk with us.

Do not feel that you are under any kind of pressure to take steps or make decisions that might not be right for you, or that might not be timely. We're all here to be friends and supports for one another, through all kinds of challenges from the monumental to the mundane.

I hope you will enjoy being part of this group, and that you'll stick around, sharing back and forth with us. Let us know if we can offer our collective listening ear, and be of support to you. This is a great bunch of people here.

I'm very glad you posted here. You're safe.

[keltic63]

Welcome Chuck,

I see that you've already read through status' intro thread, and it encouraged you to tell us about your own life. It's terrifying and invigorating all at the same time! My first few days of being out felt so strange. I thought everyone was staring at me, knowing that I was gay, and yet everything felt so much better. Brighter colors, more intense aromas, heightened hearing, extra sensitive touch. There are many of us who have been where you are, and have taken steps to live honestly. No one here will tell you what you must do, but everyone here will encourage you to find what works best for you and that will allow you to live honestly in the light of God's grace!

[antonyh]

I work at Reconciling Ministries Network (http://www.rmnetwork.org) and we're working for the liberation of LGBT people in the United Methodist Church. You're always welcome to give us a call at 773-736-5526. Sue and Troy are both very well connected in the UMC and could link you up with some excellent people. You can call me but I'm kind of new there...but I'd love to chat.

There are many LGBT UMC ministers experiencing the same fear you are experiencing. I just posted a link to a letter signed by some of these clergy people. I'm sure you've read it, but here you go:

http://www.rmnetwork.org/storage/rmn...l%20Letter.pdf

You may also want to reach out to our Reconciling Clergy Extension Ministry:
http://www.rmnetwork.org/rmc.asp

[chuck2pastor]

Thanks for the info. I am already subscribed to the clergy list of RMN, but even though I had heard of the letter signed by 75 clergypeople, I had not actually read it, until now. Thanks also for the phone number and the offer to chat--that really means a lot to me.

[Pablo Rafael]

Hi Chuck,

It wasn't long ago that I wrote my first post on these forums. It was the first time I had ever told anyone that I was gay. It was a big step. With each person I have told, I feel another weight being lifted. I hope that your experience here will be as valuable as mine has.

Being a church worker and being gay is often a tough combination. Being gay shouldn't make any difference, but it does to people. When I come out at work in a few months, I plan on getting some hostility and am braced to lose my job. Fortunately I am financially secure enough that the job loss won't be that problematic. (But I like my job and will miss it!)

What has surprised me a little so far is that I have gotten no negative responses to coming out. I'm sure some are coming, but so far everyone has been understanding and supportive. My mom isn't real happy with the idea, but she loves me unconditionally.

I pray that your journey, whatever it may be, will be as positive as mine has been. The people on these forums can be a great help.

Tu Amigo, Pablo

[Daniel]

Originally Posted by chuck2pastor

.

Right now, I feel like I'm going off the deep end. I just pray this isn't the biggest mistake I've ever made in my life, and somehow I believe that just the opposite is going to prove to be the case.

Welcome to Soulforce.

I don't think you will come to regret your decision to post on this forum. Yes- it may be scary, but you've taken a step (a virtual one anyway) towards being who you really are. And that's no small matter. That's a huge deal. Of course it is going to stir up the pot.

Hold that to your last thought. And please stick around. There are some great folks here who can- and will be- be a big help to you.

Don't let your fear get the best of you, Ok? I'm sure you know what that's like, right?

Time to open the curtains and let some light in.

Blessings to you.

[dsdrane]

Welcome Chuck!

You honor the God who created you by striving to live and speak the truth.

The fear will subside and turn into tremendous relief and solid conviction.

[andrewlittle]

Originally Posted by chuck2pastor

My name is Chuck and I've been a United Methodist pastor for 25 years. I'm married with two wonderful daughters. I'm scared out of my mind to be writing on this forum, but I have been struggling for so long, that I need to get this out.

Don't let fear get the best of you, friend, but just keep in mind what yu may need to do to keep yourself safe. Our dear friend, u-dog, who has already replied would probably be a great resource on how to participate openly in discussion, while safeguarding your identity and details. It can be done, and I think quite easily.

I am gay, and I am glad to say that I do have some close friends that I am out to; I'd like to be more open, but the consequences of that are too much for me to handle -- right now.

All in good time. This is a darn good place to work through the thought process, and wrestle out the faith, social and family issues that go along with your pilgrimage. Like any good pilgrimage, this will be more empowering if you take your time, and savor and reflect on each step.

Right now, I feel like I'm going off the deep end. I just pray this isn't the biggest mistake I've ever made in my life, and somehow I believe that just the opposite is going to prove to be the case.

Peace,
Chuck

Many of us, Chuck, spend varying amounts of time in the deep end, and sometimes go under for counts of one or two. (Of course, some of us also like it there - but that's another story.)

Check in with u-dog about safely negotiating the terrain while maintaining anonymity for the time being, since you are in such very similar circumstances. I, and I think others, will try to be cognizant of (and warn you if we see) posts that may be too revealing. The "edit" function is always your friend. Just an added thought - DO NOT necessarily judge my way of engaging as any kind of model. I am a minister, but I am not in your position, since I'm straight. Oh, yeah, that - and I'm a little nuts.

In particular, this is a safe place - a great place to wrestle out life issues of all kinds with people who are respectful and loving.

I am looking forward to engaging with you - and I'm particularly happy to have another clergy on board.

Andy

[Gennee]

Welcome, Chuck. You said lot and I pray for you. I agree with Zerbie that you shouldn't do something that you're not comfortable with. I hope that Soulforce can help you as you move along on your journey. I pray that all will work out according to God's will for your life.

Gennee

[tdogg]

Originally Posted by andrewlittle

DO NOT necessarily judge my way of engaging as any kind of model. I am a minister, but I am not in your position, since I'm straight. Oh, yeah, that - and I'm a little nuts.

Andy may be nuts, but he's our nuts! Don't discount posts because he is straight (or others that are here too), he has amazing insight and gives sound advice! (well, usually...)

Hope you're doin' ok today!

[chuck2pastor]

I have been ok today, thanks. I feel that this is indeed a safe place for me to express myself. I'm glad, surprised, but glad to know that straight people are here as well.

I have known since I was 14 that I was attracted to guys, but I thought I would one day begin to be attracted to women. It didn't happen. Sometimes I wish I had never been married, but then I would never have had my daughters either. One of my friends is someone who wanted to become a pastor but didn't because he was gay and therefore not allowed to be ordained. I, on the other hand, said to heck with their rules and got ordained anyway.

Peace,
Chuck

[pnggrad79]

Oh Chuck, first of all welcome, welcome, welcome. If I could see you person to person, face to face, I would give you a huge hug!!! Coming to terms with who you are is a scary but glorious thing. For the first time, God is so gloriously glad that you are being authentic with who HE created you to be. "The truth will set you free..."

I will be praying for you and your wife, and daughters. When I came out to my two daughters, they were so cool with it, it was amazing. Now they speak out for equality and come to my defense so often. They love me and support me and my wife. I didn't stay with their father. I divorced him 7 years ago and married my wife in 2004 in Canada. Coming out to my parents and siblings wasn't that easy, but I am praying for reconciliation. I wouldn't change my coming out for nothing, however. I am in love with the most wonderful woman and I love her like there is no tomorrow.

Be blessed in all you do and in your future. You are loved here and feel free to ask questions, offer wisdom, and express your doubts, fears and uncertainties. We are a lively bunch and you will find a wide array of people. Enjoy yourself and know you are loved on this journey. God be with you and surround you in His love and His grace.

[paul]

Hi Chuck,

Don't know how I missed this one.

Welcome.

Another married (to a woman) gay guy here. I'm not a pastor, though I was asked to pastor a congregation where I taught. Baptist , we all know how affirming Baptists are of gays . I declined.

You will find you are not alone. There are some wonderful people here (really. I know several have said that, but it's really true). You'll be safe posting in the forums and there's always pm's for the really personal stuff. I hope this wil prove to be a place where you can be yourself, express your questions and answers and be authentic.

Paul

[chuck2pastor]

My wife is aware of my attraction to men, but we don't discuss it; we're together for the sake of the kids, who are 16 and 18. I am not ready to tell my daughters that I'm gay, but when I am ready, I will certainly want to know how you and others handled the situation. They've become homophobic over the years, so I really don't know how they'll react. I'm just taking it one day at a time.
Peace,
Chuck

[Myinachis]

I did not say I want him to ask God not to make him gay. God made him who he is. What I said was he should not LIE to his ministry. God is TRUTH. Therefore Chuck, should tell EVRYONE the TRUTH, Chuck has a responsibility to his ministry. He can be a pastor and be gay at the sametime.
No matter what religion a person is, a person should be responsible.

[Zerbie]

Originally Posted by Myinachis

I did not say I want him to ask God not to make him gay. God made him who he is. What I said was he should not LIE to his ministry. God is TRUTH. Therefore Chuck, should tell EVRYONE the TRUTH, Chuck has a responsibility to his ministry. He can be a pastor and be gay at the sametime.
No matter what religion a person is, a person should be responsible.

Let's slow down.

Chuck's first responsibility is to remain together in ONE PIECE as Chuck. If he is not ready to speak openly about his deepest personal feelings to an entire congregation, then his responsibility right now is to NOT do so. None of us is obligated to OFFER information about our deepest personal selves to others at any time. Stepping into anything before one is psychologically ready usually results in pain, problems, and often, sheer disaster. Therefore it is the height of irresponsibility to rush into such a personal disclosure, especially in public.

Responsibility requires understanding what one maturely and reasonably can handle at any given time. It is not to be confused with continual soul-bearing, especially not in public.

[andrewlittle]

Originally Posted by Myinachis

I did not say I want him to ask God not to make him gay. God made him who he is. What I said was he should not LIE to his ministry. God is TRUTH. Therefore Chuck, should tell EVRYONE the TRUTH, Chuck has a responsibility to his ministry. He can be a pastor and be gay at the sametime.
No matter what religion a person is, a person should be responsible.

Where in the world did this come from?

[keltic63]

Originally Posted by andrewlittle

Where in the world did this come from?

our new member doesn't play well with others. u-dog had quoted her, but after I removed the original, offensive post, he deleted his that had the offensive quote.



move along folks, nothing to see here......