Flossing is Boring

[sauu4equality]

I'm on the verge of certainty that I want to be with a man. A man that care's about gay rights and one day wants to get married. In the recent past I have broken it off quickly with guys for somewhat trivial reasons. I don't want to do this any more. I met a guy that seemed at first to be what I was looking for. I took him out last night, and he revealed that "flossing is boring" and that he doesn't often take care of his teeth (this was apparent both visually and by his breath). He's so gorgeous, I'm still somewhat tempted to go out with him again. But, the teeth thing really turned me off. Am I being too picky again ?

On another note, I'm having nightmares about Thanksgiving and the questions I will be getting from my family. Upon meeting the man I mentioned above, I was almost ready to come out completely, a move that would be accompanied by certain disownment and unwelcoming by my family. Those of you that have read some of my other posts may remember that I am bisexual. I think I have been purposefully vague about my sexuality and in some cases my sex, but to set the record straight, I'm a bi male (if that confuses those that read my feminist post, you can most certainly be a guy and a feminist, just like you can be gay and Christian). So, this new found interest in men and ability to actually ask someone on a date has me interested in living a more liberated existence. That is accompanied by extreme anxiety and fear. How long can I live having nightmares about negative reactions from my family? How many more Thanksgivings can I listen to the "f" word and the words queer and gay being used in a derogatory manner? My parents really seem to want to see me. But they'd prefer I leave my gay side at home. So, getting back out there has brought me again to the realization that I'm not all that out and that I have a long way to go in being comfortable with who I am.

I understand that I've gone in two different directions above. There is a connection between dating and coming out for me though. If I don't date anyone (something that has been my strategy in the past 11 months for the most part) there is nothing to worry about with my family. However, my life would be much more exciting if I were to date around a bit. I guess in many ways I feel good this week because I'm getting a better idea of what I want. That always comes with the realization that a long and drawn out process of disappointment and grief awaits me and my family...Right now I can't see how that would be better than living a lie. Maybe some of you can help me with this...

[RedneckDyke]

Well, about your feller, maybe you could get him a pack of mint-scented floss or mouthwash and tell him that you find minty aromas sexy. Appeal to his ego, tell him that minty floss is studly and turns you on. I bet he'd floss then.

About Thankgiving..... well, that is more complicated. Is there any way you could come down with the flu that weekend? Stay in your own place with a ready to eat turkey meal from the deli and a stack of Netflix. Tell the folks you don't want to pass on your flu. (Cough Cough!!!)

A lot of us dread family gatherings. LGBT's get hassled because of their orientation. Straights have to deal with differing politics or alcoholics. All the Norman Rockwell stuff is bogus. Family gathering sometimes tend to bring out the worst in people. There's no law that you have to go.

[FoxInSox]

A lot of us dread family gatherings. LGBT's get hassled because of their orientation. Straights have to deal with differing politics or alcoholics. All the Norman Rockwell stuff is bogus. Family gathering sometimes tend to bring out the worst in people. There's no law that you have to go.

Amen to that!

[Matt Algren]

Originally Posted by sauu4equality

...my gay side...

Forgive me, but I'm somewhat sensitive to language. I've seen several struggling people here talking about their "gay side." Why do you have a "gay side"? What does that mean?

If it helps, I found that most of the marriage questions stopped when I was about 25, except for more distant relatives.

[sauu4equality]

Originally Posted by Matt Algren

Forgive me, but I'm somewhat sensitive to language. I've seen several struggling people here talking about their "gay side." Why do you have a "gay side"? What does that mean?

If it helps, I found that most of the marriage questions stopped when I was about 25, except for more distant relatives.

That's actually meant to be sarcastic. People that don't understand what it means to be gay think it is something you can take off when you need to. They don't understand that being gay is a big part of who I am. Not something I can leave at home. That was the point of that particular sentence. It looks like you get it. In this instance I don't think I have a gay side: my parents do. Being gay is a part of who I am. Not something that I chose to be or something changeable. I think we're in agreement here .

On another note, being bisexual, it actually does seem that I am more attracted to men or women at certain times. So, a gay side could be characterized by those times that I'm feeling mostly attracted to men. Which more and more seems like most of the time. Which would suggest it's not a side at all for me. But it could be for someone else.

[tdogg]

Well, in regards to the 'teeth' problem, dental hygiene is important to me (both to do and for my partner to do). I wouldn't be able to be with someone who didn't practice good hygiene. If you really like this person, you might need to say something. Perhaps a gift of floss, electric toothbrush and paste would help, but it could be taken in a bad way. Usually communication is the best method.

As far as family & holidays, my family has pretty much simplified it for me. I'm not allowed with my wife at my youngest sister's house or around her family. My stepmother isn't too thrilled for me to visit, and my wife is not welcome there (which means we don't get to see my dad ), so pretty much I spend holidays with my in-laws. And my other sister and her children when they all aren't working. Although if they had their way my wife would be married to a man and have a couple of kids, they are kind and loving to me, celebrated our wedding with us and have totally accepted me from the beginning. They are pretty much my family now.

[sarahbina]

While flossing is boring it is a great preventative measure. Unhealthy teeth and mouths are related to other health conditions - you might even look up stuff on the net about this to share with him. Open and honest communication can work. And once developed into a habit, it isn't as noticeable as boring (flossing, that is).

About the family - as many others relate, holidays with the relatives can be uptight to begin with, so maybe now is not exactly the time to share the news. Your examining your heart, I'm sure will show you when and how to share your truth. God made you as you are, He doesn't make mistakes!

[CaptainSnoopy]

Flossing is boring. But I really do not get a thrill out of trimming my toe nails and clipping away these strange hairs that grow out of my ears and nose as I get older. Some good hygiene is just pleasing to the eye and other hygiene is indicative of someone's ability to care about themselves.

You do not floss...plaque becomes like barnacles under your gum line eating away at the bone. If someone is not willing to take care of themselves, and it is important to you....I respect your discomfort with this person.

I wish I had something useful to add to the family matter. This is the part of coming out that I feel so bad about. How could anyone shun their own child for something they were born into? It is not like you are drowning kittens...you are gay-well, bi in your case. As a parent, I could never abandon my daughter if she one day said the was a lesbian. I would never ask her to hide it around uncle Mike. If uncle mike has an issue, he does not have to sit at my table.

[BruceChris]

And from your age, I've been one a LOT longer than you have.

Peace and Love, Bruce Chris

[Rick336]

Yes. Flossing is definitely boring. I floss, but I sure don't get a thrill out of it. And if Johnson and Johnson thinks that their green mint flavored floss is supposed to make flossing a delightful experience, they're living in a fantasy world.

And you can tell them I said so.

Rick

[tdogg]

I use the woven floss, it's much gentler on gums and has a less offensive flavor and feel. Rinse. Floss. Brush. Proxy brush. Mouthwash rinse.
Boring but I'm trying to keep my teeth as long as possible.

Speaking of floss, I better get on it.