Oh, wow! They're gay!

[Mia14]

Today I realized that I am drawn to older gay people. No, not in a romantic way, but more in a curious way. I've met so many younger people who identify as gay, bi, or even trans, but not many adults. There aren't many out adults in my life (save for some new friends of mine ) and I'm not used to seeing two older people being openly gay. When I do, it's like finding a rare and beautiful secret - and it always makes me very happy.

I often wish there was some way, maybe like the Christian fish that people drew in the sand, that we could send a secret message to other people so that we could know who was on our side. I'm sure that I see many many gay adult couples in my life everyday, but I don't see them as much as those rebellious teen just-coming-out-and-screw-the-world gay couples.

Maybe I'm not sure what I'm trying to say exactly , but I thought "Wow, they're gay, too!" when I saw a cute older couple today and I thought about how even I was buying into the gay-not-normal mind conditioning from our parents and maybe I'm just overthinking all this....

[Jennifer5]

I guess I know what you mean... why aren't people more open?... if I read that right. But also isn't one of the good things that everyone mixs in really well.... isn't that good? ......I don't know...

[closetcougar]

That's incredible!! I had the same experience this weekend. We were driving in Salt Lake City, and we saw two women in their 70s walking down the street holding hands. It was beautiful and really helped my insecure side see that my sexuality is real and homosexuality existed long before fundamentalists tried to make it a bad thing.

I do wish there was a sign or something b/c I always want to go up to gay people and say "me to," but I have this fear that they are so over the gay thing and just living a life, that they'll say, "and?" Anyway, I don't know if I make any sense either.
I'm sure you've heard of the question, "are you family?" but perhaps that is so obvious that many gay people don't use it as code anymore, I don't know.

[awediot]

Cool... Makes me think, when I came out, my mother asked that I not tell her mother. That was fine. I loved my grandma but didn't see her that often and there was no reason to open that wormy can... Never the less, and for reasons I don't know, other than maybe a change in the air, grandma asked my mother not long after that if I was "queer". Mom fessed up and grandma took it in stride, inviting me and my boyfriend to lunch. It was a wonderful, surprising day. It also opened my eyes to that wisdom reserved for elderly and it dawned on me again, that there truly is nothing new under the sun; of course grandma had seen it all before.

I do think it is a sign of the times. I am glad things are getting easier. The in your face, near militancy of coming out young is a good sign and to be expected, but I agree, the settled acceptance and comfortable affection of having nothing to prove or stand for or hide is is a pleasure we all can grow into.

...anybody remember the whole colored bandana 'signs'? Blue/left-top/greek, red/right-foot green, eggs and ham on the bottom, or something like that?

[Daniel]

My husband and I have been holding hands since we met 14 years ago here on the Upper West Side of Manhattan. I know many think of New York is a bastion of liberalism in terms of GLBT persons being expressive, and that may be true now- but it wasn't always so. We would get repeated stares and gaping looks from gay people in our neighborhood (usually in the evening) asking us: "Do you really hold hands in this neighborhood?" The thinking was that you could only do that in the 'gay' part of town- the Village.

We're still holding hands as we enter our 50's. Know what makes me smile? We'll be walking down the street and people will see us and grab each others hands: gay couples, straight couples, buddies in jest, laughing and smiling themselves.

Love is in the Air.

[Vanessa White]

Speaking from the "Mature" side of the coin (I mean in years, strictly, and I have the gray hairs to prove it) I get enthusiastic and energized by meeting more and more gay youths who are exploring/embracing and sometimes, announcing who they are. Maybe it is the polar opposite sort of thing, but it recently has helped to reawaken parts of myself that had become pretty complacent with day to day living and all. I really did need the wake up call, more than I knew. The Equality Riders have stirred that up in me as well, and for those of you that have seen the Advocate edition already, the statement from the Editor in Chief really hit home with me. I feel like I need to start gearing up, ready for action.

So, Mia, keep doing what you do, as well as all the youth on this forum- it really inspires me!!!!!!!!!!!!!
and Peace, Vanessa

[Zerbie]

I kinda know what everyone means. Yeah!

I kinda feel like i"m looking at these things from the middle. I'm 30 and spent my childhood surrounded by adult gay men who tred a middle ground between everyone knowing they were gay on the one hand, but otoh, no one ever talked about, certainly NOT they themselves. When I was in high school, NO ONE was out. Although a bunch of us queer and allied kids all found each other as early as 5th grade. NO ONE was out. The big deal was that everyone came out in college or a little later.

It still amazes me now when I see kids coming out in HIGH SCHOOL. The cultural difference between now and 10 or 20 years is ago is AMAZING. In so many ways it's better and at the same time, worse (worse in a way because things are better).

But what first grabbed me when I read your OP, Mia, was a memory that still makes me cry. Having my childhood in the 1980s during all that AIDS panic and devastation did something weird to my brain. For whatever reason, I had never to my knowledge met a gay man over the age of about 45. On some level, I lived with the assumption that they all died young (thank the right wing for adding fuel to that belief with their propaganda, too). I didn't even know I was carrying around that assumption. So was my friend, Sam, an openly gay guy a few years older than me.

On Thanksgiving, 1997, I had a few friends over to my apartment in Montrose (area of Houston) for a little party. At sunset, we all decided to go for a walk in the neighborhood. The sky was orange. It was still warm out, humid, live oaks and other trees canopied the residential street with brown, orange, yellow leaves. Everyone was in a quiet, contemplative mood, no one saying anything. Suddenly all at the same moment we saw them. Coming slowly towards us from the opposite direction on the other side of the street. Two men - from the looks of them, they had to be at least in their mid-70s. Moving very slowly. Also obviously in the same contemplative mood as we were. Holding hands in perfect peacefulness. They had an aura of such peace and love, we all stopped moving and held our breath. We gazed at them for a while, then our friends resumed walking.

Sam and I still stood there. We looked at each other and we both were crying.
I spoke first: Sam, I didn't even know, I always thought. . .(and stopped because I was embarrased by my thought)
Sam: I know. *Me too.* I always assumed I would die young. I never saw anything. . . .

We're still friends, and we both remember that moment every Thanksgiving.

It was such a simple thing. But it did something to us. And one would assume those guys never knew how greatly their presence touched us. So Daniel, I resonated a lot to your story about holding hands with your husband in public. You never know if you might have touched someone as deeply. Almost certain that you have.

[Dash]

Man...I gotta get me a hand to hold!

[keltic63]

Originally Posted by Dash

Man...I gotta get me a hand to hold!

it's wonderful! and it's one of the most difficult things to do at the same time.

[tdogg]

Whew, just back from 3 days of intense computer assisted auditor training in San Fran! Glad to be home and back on!

Interesting topic. My girlfriend, who starting coming out (long process w the therapy, parents, etc.), in high school (for you yung uns that was many moons ago!), is less apt to openly show affection with me in many situations, depending on location, who's there, etc. I recently came out to myself and everyone else (almost 2 years ago) at the ripe old age of 40 - something. I don't really give it a second thought, it's so natural for me to show affection to/with the person I love. So, my thought is, maybe a correlation between the actual process one goes through (on their own), along with the time frame it takes and time period it happens in, and whether or not they are more apt to show public affection? Also, it would depend on if the person is comfortable with PDAs at all (public displays of affection). She's coming around tho (isn't that funny, she's been openly gay for years and years, I'm new to this and she's the one 'coming around'!).

So, yeah, I agree it's very sweet, encouraging, uplifting to see our 'family' displaying their affection in public!

Hope this all makes sense, I burned out most of my brain cells on the training - hopefully they' rejuvinate soon!!

[Jennifer5]

Great story Zerbie... it really is amazing how the little and least expected things, that you're not even always aware of... can make a huge difference in your life.

[Daniel]

Originally Posted by Dash

Man...I gotta get me a hand to hold!

Everybody...gay, straight, transgendered,bisexual and everything in between: grab someone's hand!! Do it Now!

Let us stand together in Love.

[Jennifer5]

You've got it right Daniel! I agree!

[Mia14]

As far as PDAs, the only things my gf and I do are holding hands and the occasional hug, simply because we don't think anyone - no matter what kind of couple - should be making out in public. I hate watching couples do things you know they wouldn't do in front of anyone they knew. I had a couple come into the pet store where i work once and lean against the display of fish tanks and make out for about 20 minutes. Parents redirected the paths of their children and I tried my best not to look in their direction...

But things like that make everyone uncomfortable, regardless for the couple, so we avoid overly intimate exchanges... I'm sure some of you can relate.

As far as holding hands, I remember one of my first visits to Greenwich village in NY with a female friend, and we held hands just because we could. There wasn't any romance between us, but we wanted to just because we could.

*edited for clarity*

[tdogg]

I know what you mean Mia - my post had just holding hands, occasional kiss, etc. in mind for "PDAs". Even something as simple and non-threatening as holding hands can be a difficult thing for some people in public.