Matters of the Heart

[antiochian]

Dear Friends,

Once again I find myself pouring my heart out to you. My interim class is Christianity and Culture. We have discussed many moral issues and two weeks ago the gay issue came up. Prof is very conservative, and some of the students are as well.

I was not going to let this opportunity slide. I prepared a speech before class that day, and about halfway through the session, nervous as hell, I said I needed to say something and I let them have it (up to that point we'd gone over the same old verses and heard the same old crap). I came out to them, told them of my personal struggles and pain that came from the perception culture and church have of lgbt people. I told them the church is driving people away, and needs to do something different if they are going to reach our community with God's message of love. I said the Bible is so full of mystery, and that we should be very careful before thinking we have it figured out. It took about five minutes. Afterwards, I cried for most of the rest of class, and was shaking. I wanted to leave.

When class ended, another student asked to speak with me. He's a devout christian, so I wasn't sure what to expect. My defenses were up. We sat down and he came out to me. We cried and talked for an hour. He said we should talk again sometime. There was a very real feeling of having connected.

Here's the problem. I like the guy, I really like him. He's kind and compassionate, full of spunk, and physically attractive. He's probably 21-23, a little younger than I am. I can't quit thinking about him, and I've avoided talking to him or even making eye contact with him because I'm so scared. Bad idea, I know, but I am really scared. Whether he feels the same, I have no idea.

Tomorrow is the last day of this class. I have to talk to him again. I don't know how to go about it exactly. I want to share my feelings, be honest with him without scaring him off. It's not about wanting sex, it's about my feeling deeply connected to his loving spirit and wanting to know him better. Religiously, we are obviously not a match. I don't know what to make of that, but that can't stop us from being friends. But I have to do or say something, or I know I'll regret it. In the worst case scenario, he'll freak, but I think he's more mature than that. I just don't know what to do. Help!!!

Having said that, I am so glad I came out to that class. The professor thanked me, and I've had no troubles with harassment or anything. My classmates have been very respectful. Perhaps I sowed a seed or two and will give them something to think about.

[Daniel]

You did something really big, coming out to a class. And then someone came out to you, another big thing.

You bonded with the other guy. And yes- you should talk again. So I hope you will get up your courage and do so. And if you are attracted him him, and he to you, what's wrong with that?

The worst that can happen is that you may find out he doesn't feel the same about you. The best is that you may have a friend. Perhaps the love of your life.

If you do nothing, nothing will happen. And that is a pattern you do not want to get into.

So be brave and put yourself out there. There is nothing to lose. This is not a problem, but an opportunity for growth and expansion.

Don't let the fear of rejection stop you from reaching out. And if he choses not to reach out to you- romantically speaking- this simply tells you that there is someone else for you that you haven't met yet.

Your religious differences? You may eventually find that such things are not the barriers that they now seem. When young, even age differences can seem huge. When one is 40 and one's beau is 35, it matters little. At 20 and 25? This difference seems much bigger as do other things.

Differences - like language- can be wonderful, amazing and exciting, opening one up to worlds of experience.

That said, the only language everyone should learn to speak is the language of love.

Nes pas?

[Zerbie]

You are immensely brave!! What you did was huge. I just knew there was at least one other gay person in that class who would be very grateful for what you said. For all you know, there may be another who wasn't ready to let you know that he or she also has shared such experiences/struggles.

You did a wonderful thing for your new friend, too. It's okay to like him.
Go ahead, call him, text him or whatever and invite him to coffee (or something else neutral where you can spend time together.)
I am sure he will appreciate it.

Thank you for your bravery in sharing your experiences with the class. I am sure most people in that class will never forget what you just did.

[u-dog]

Well done Antiochian! Daniel and Zerbie are right. Its time for a cup of coffee and another heart to heart. He is almost certainly as nervous and uncertain as you and will be relieved that you took the initiative.

[Matt Algren]

You live in South Dakota. Grab any homo you can find and huddle for warmth, man. If something romantic comes of it, great. If not, you've made a connection with someone who makes you (and you him) a little less alone.

And no, I don't practice what I preach. Although I would point out that mine ended up being a closet case straight.



P.S. As a devout Christian, I agree with you 100% about acting like we have it all figured out.

[scott snedeker]

Hoo boy!

I just have chills running up and down my spine! You are magnificent!!!!

You have just freed yourself from a huge prison!!!!!!

Now your heart is free to feel and you feel for another soul with out obstruction (your friend in class) Definitely see him and explore together.

It may last a week. It may last a year. It may last 25 years and going!

That doesn't matter! Live for the Moment of letting in joy now!

Oh! This is so much better than my day! This day belongs to you! Jeff! You saw it and seized it!

I am proud and elated!!!!

[Pablo Rafael]

Hi, Jeffery,

What a wonderful positive statement you made. It took courage, and I'm certain that it made everyone think. The anti-gay bias in relgious institutions is being chipped away by brave people like you.

And yes, make sure that you talk to this fellow student. It took a lot of courage for him to come out to you. You have something in common. Don't throw away a chance for friendship because you are scared. The best that could happen is that you could start a deep lasting relationship of some sort. The worst would be that you find out you don't have much in common. The benefits outweigh the risks. I am a person who was always so painfully shy that I threw away friendships that could have happened because I was afraid. So jump in there, talk to him and just relax and be yourself.

I am totally proud of you.

Tu Amigo, Pablo

[antiochian]

Thank you all for wise and soothing words. Sending my love and appreciation.

[tdogg]

Well done Antiochian. Coming out is never easy, especially so when we come out to those we are certain won't appreciate it. What a wonderful moment, even in the anxiousness.

Sometimes life presents us doors that we can choose to enter or not. If we choose not to, then life goes on and other doors will open. We'll never know exactly what was behind that particular door. In the end it might not be all that significant.

But if we choose to enter, even though we might not know exactly what lies behind it or how it will affect our life's journey, we might then find something really great, something well worth risking the unknown. We might find a little bit of heaven.

Try the door. You can always retreat, but often once passed up, you may not ever get the chance to enter it. Take a chance. It could end up netting you a friend for life. Or it could end up being the best thing that ever happened.

[BruceChris]

So you came out to a large group of people, your whole class, nothing bad happened, and you grew as a person. And what's the worst thing that could happen?

You could do nothing, and blow a chance at a good friendship, or maybe a REAL RELATIONSHIP.

Wishing you luck, Bruce Chris