I So Desperately Need Your Help

[Glad I Know Him]

Well, I was referred to this website. I mentioned in a reply on another thread, my situation.
I'm an adult man who has been attracted to the same sex since early childhood. I became a born-again Christian in my teens. I love God dearly. I have been active in various ministries. But, since homosexuality is an "abomination" in Fundamentalist / Charismatic churches, I have suppressed my tendencies for years. And, when I do give in and have discreet, no strings attached, annonymous sex, I am paranoid of being "found out".
But, I know that I know God. My user name reflects that. And, God loves me and has "used" me in ministries. But, sometimes I wonder if I'm abusing God's Grace, love and mercy by continuing to "fall into sin" on occasion.
I truly could use an encouraging word. I've battled this my entire life and I am so tired. I am so weary.
Much love to you all,
Glad I Know Him

[wmanion]

hi Glad,
I knew I was gay from the time I was in sixth grade. I became born again when I was 14 and I did everything to fight the gay and pray it away. It doesn't work. I began really searching the scriptures when I was close to 35 to find out where I was going wrong. What I learned was that I was praying amiss. I didn't need to be healed or delivered. God made me and called me to him "Just as I am." When I confessed to God and myself that I was gay and I knew he made me that way I was set free and I will never go back to hating myself or feeling like I have let God down for being gay. A good place for you to start on here in reading What the Bible says and doesn't say about homosexuality. Print it out and then start researching yourself. In the book of Acts the Bereans searched the scriptures daily to find whatsoever was true. Why would there be a need to search for the truth if it was automatically assumed that all scripture was true? One of the biggest problems with organized religion is that they would like to put God in a box, trying to define him and his ways. Open your heart and your mind and search, you will find the way.

Bill

[Glad I Know Him]

Thanks Bill,

I go to the resources link and begin studying it tonight.

Thanks again.

[Rick336]

Glad,

What you're going through is not uncommon. Millions of people all over the world have gone through the same struggle as you are going through right now. I went through it myself many years ago. Many of the people on this forum have gone through it at some point in their lives.

Your same-sex attraction is completely normal. It's nothing to be ashamed of or feel guilty about. You are a mentally healthy, decent human being. God is not going to punish you for these thoughts.

If you want to talk to a real person about this, you can call toll free the Gay and Lesbian National Help Center at 1-888-843-4564. Someone will be there to talk to you at any time.

But also stick around and talk with us too.

Rick

[keltic63]

Originally Posted by Glad I Know Him

Well, I was referred to this website. I mentioned in a reply on another thread, my situation.
I'm an adult man who has been attracted to the same sex since early childhood. I became a born-again Christian in my teens. I love God dearly. I have been active in various ministries. But, since homosexuality is an "abomination" in Fundamentalist / Charismatic churches, I have suppressed my tendencies for years. And, when I do give in and have discreet, no strings attached, annonymous sex, I am paranoid of being "found out".

Welcome anthony. I'm glad you made it here. The guilt you feel from having anonymous, no strings attached sex, is certainly understandable. I'd be willing to be that all people who do such things, GAY or STRAIGHT, feel that way to some extent. But your guilt should have nothing to do with your orientation! God made you to be a sexual being. Wouldn't it be cruel of God to make you as a gay man, then place the added burden of a celibate life on you? What loving God would do such a thing?

My point is that you need to find a healthy way to express your sexuality. many of us have tried to suppress who we are (not our "tendencies") for years and with disastrous results. Push it down in one place and it comes out in another and in worse ways! anything that you're trying to hide will force you to deal with it, one way or another. You've got the resources here to help you understand that being gay is not a sin, not a sickness, and certainly not a tendency to a certain behavior.

But, I know that I know God. My user name reflects that. And, God loves me and has "used" me in ministries. But, sometimes I wonder if I'm abusing God's Grace, love and mercy by continuing to "fall into sin" on occasion.
I truly could use an encouraging word. I've battled this my entire life and I am so tired. I am so weary.
Much love to you all,
Glad I Know Him

it is extremely tiring trying to hide the very thing that I'm sure you're not able to hide. I waited until I was 40 to come out, and guess what? very few people were surprised. I hadn't done a good job of hiding anything. and this "fall into sin" thing? everyone does it; everyone does things they should not do. but having sex is no bigger sin than any other. again, I'd encourage you to find healthy, respectful ways to express your sexuality, which could include "one night stands" if you're both mindful of respecting each other, and enjoying each other's company. (as opposed to quick hook up, fast and dirty, in a dark and dangerous place)

[Glad I Know Him]

Rick and Keltic,

Thanks so much. Blessings to you both.

[Zerbie]

Originally Posted by Glad I Know Him

Well, I was referred to this website. I mentioned in a reply on another thread, my situation.
I'm an adult man who has been attracted to the same sex since early childhood. I became a born-again Christian in my teens. I love God dearly. I have been active in various ministries. But, since homosexuality is an "abomination" in Fundamentalist / Charismatic churches, I have suppressed my tendencies for years. And, when I do give in and have discreet, no strings attached, annonymous sex, I am paranoid of being "found out".
But, I know that I know God. My user name reflects that. And, God loves me and has "used" me in ministries. But, sometimes I wonder if I'm abusing God's Grace, love and mercy by continuing to "fall into sin" on occasion.
I truly could use an encouraging word. I've battled this my entire life and I am so tired. I am so weary.
Much love to you all,
Glad I Know Him

Oh dear, my heart goes out to you so much!


I am sure God has worked through you in many good ways.

You cannot abuse God's mercy or love, because God's mercy and love are endless. That means you can use them all up and there will still be an endless supply ready to keep going.

More than that even, there is the matter of your heart's profound sincerity. Your faith is so strong and so trusting, that I see in your words. Your heart is with God, and God holds a man like you, a heart like yours, so close you can never, ever lose that.

Please take care now that you keep yourself safe. Anonymous sex can be way too dangerous. There is nothing wrong with expressing your sexuality as long as it is done in a healthy way. Use protection. Know your partner(s) and respect him (them). But to discreetly run into some corner and pick up a stranger while being in fear of someone "finding out"? Dangerous. That leads to all kinds of places you don't want to be. If by any chance you are married, this also puts your wife in some danger, too.

Please find a safe place to work through these conflicts. This forum is a pretty safe place. Or if you can, find a trustworthy counselor who does not have an agenda but who will help you find a healthy, safe, resolution you can live with. That means, the counselor doesn't pressure you to come out, on the one hand, or on the other, to repress your sexuality in the name of being "Christian." Your choices need to be your own. But please, please make them safe ones that respect you and any sexual partners or life partners you might have. They deserve to be safe and respected, and so do you.

And by the way, welcome.


Zerbie

[Daniel]

Originally Posted by Glad I Know Him

Well, I was referred to this website. I mentioned in a reply on another thread, my situation.

I'm an adult man who has been attracted to the same sex since early childhood. I became a born-again Christian in my teens. I love God dearly. I have been active in various ministries. But, since homosexuality is an "abomination" in Fundamentalist / Charismatic churches, I have suppressed my tendencies for years. And, when I do give in and have discreet, no strings attached, annonymous sex, I am paranoid of being "found out".

Fitting in, or at least trying to fit into an environment where one is not welcome - free to be who you really are - is harmful, to put it mildly.

Do you realize what you are signing up for here? The problem is not the sex, but that you aren't able to be openly gay in the church that you go to.

Being gay isn't a tendency, a sickness, or a pathology. And if you think it is, you haven't done your homework.

Look. You are an adult. You can read, right? So I humbly suggest that you start dealing with this matter from the ground up. Learn what the bible does and doesn't say about same-sex sexuality. You can start with this website. Read Mel's book. Read Boswell's book. Learn to think and reason. Simply swallowing what Fundi/Charismatic churches say only sets you up for more suffering.

Learn what science has to say. There is a lot out there. And it is conclusive. Not iffy. Not maybe. Not made up.

There is no getting around this. It's the rock in the road. And the sooner you deal with it, the better.

Bottom line is this: do you want to be happy, perhaps even have a life with someone you love? Or do you want to hang around in the shadows the rest of your life, placating others only because you are too afraid of being rejected?

And even if you are rejected? Do you really need the kind of God these people believe in? The one with all the conditions? What kind of God is that?

Time to stand in your own truth and not someone else's.

[tdogg]

Welcome to the forums. I'm glad you found your way here. Never ever let anyone or anything come between you and your God. God loves you, just the way you were created. The rest is pretty complicated, no doubt, but that part is simple.

Coming out can be a long, and lonely and sometimes painful process. It can hurt others too. And it's scary. But from my experience, even though there are some family members who won't accept me anymore, it is the most incredible and freeing feeling. Find others who support you (we're nice but you need some 'in-person' support too). Read, watch, etc. to get that confidence up, hear others coming out experiences, and most of all know you aren't alone.

You may find it lonely at times, but you will never regret it. The burden of pretending to be someone else, always worrying about what others know or don't know, the pressure of trying to live up to others' expectations, well that all floats away, more so every time you tell someone. You can always come here and talk to us! It's also important to do this on your own time. It took me a while to come out to my family, since they are fundamental Christians I (correctly) anticipated their reaction. Some rifts still exist. It hurts, but I will NEVER go back into that closet. I have never for one moment regretted coming out. For those who cannot accept me, there are 20 others who gladly embrace the real me.

Good luck, God bless and remember we are your friends here!

[Glad I Know Him]

Originally Posted by tdogg

Welcome to the forums. I'm glad you found your way here. Never ever let anyone or anything come between you and your God. God loves you, just the way you were created. The rest is pretty complicated, no doubt, but that part is simple.

Coming out can be a long, and lonely and sometimes painful process. It can hurt others too. And it's scary. But from my experience, even though there are some family members who won't accept me anymore, it is the most incredible and freeing feeling. Find others who support you (we're nice but you need some 'in-person' support too). Read, watch, etc. to get that confidence up, hear others coming out experiences, and most of all know you aren't alone.

You may find it lonely at times, but you will never regret it. The burden of pretending to be someone else, always worrying about what others know or don't know, the pressure of trying to live up to others' expectations, well that all floats away, more so every time you tell someone. You can always come here and talk to us! It's also important to do this on your own time. It took me a while to come out to my family, since they are fundamental Christians I (correctly) anticipated their reaction. Some rifts still exist. It hurts, but I will NEVER go back into that closet. I have never for one moment regretted coming out. For those who cannot accept me, there are 20 others who gladly embrace the real me.

Good luck, God bless and remember we are your friends here!

Thanks to all of you, especially you, sweet, sweet Zerbie. God bless all of you. Daniel, your counsel has not gone unheeded. Thank you my friend.

[Daniel]

I am hoping that you are spared the pain, suffering and torment that can come with being gay in a conservative environment where the condemnation is based on lies and ignorance. Believe me, most of us have been there. It's not a cakewalk. There is so much to deal with.

You are not alone. Please don't forget that.

It is possible to have an incredible, wonderful life with another man.

The journey of self-discovery that you are on will probably not be understood or appreciated by those who's world view is decidely conservative. At least not openly. Straight people have closets too. But that doesn't mean you have to live in one.

[Stigandi]

Glad are you still around? I would like to invite you to my church in Houston? it is the first link below. Unless you of course have found a home already.

[merlin2921]

I thought perhaps sharing my story would help a bit. If it doesn't, never mind, and take a virtual hug or two for the road. *hugs*

I'm a 30-year-old woman, and just started coming out last August. I come from a family with three generations of pastors, and my mother was hoping that I would be in the ministry as well. (You know, either be or marry some pastoral-type person.) I made it all the way until last April, even spending four years as the assistant cook/counselor at my church's soup kitchen.

Problem is, I've been a lesbian the whole time. My first crush was when I was ten years old, on a gorgeous redhead. (I still favor red hair, for some reason. Heh.) I spent twenty years trying desperately to fit myself into a box that was both too small for me and entirely the wrong shape. That culminated last year in a complete nervous breakdown in April. I was extremely sick by the time I actually collapsed - I had severe bleeding ulcers by that time, and wound up in the hospital four times in three months. I spent the next two months in an armchair. I pretty much never moved from it, except to buy food sometimes. Mostly, I just starved because I didn't care.

A lot has changed since then. I suddenly realized that I simply am a lesbian. I love other women. I think they're marvelous and beautiful and graceful creatures. They simply enchant me, and I want to find a girlfriend to love and cherish - and that ISN'T wrong. Members of the GLBQT community are reaching out to me now, and it's incredibly freeing. I don't wake up every morning and make the conscious effort to stuff myself back into some box. I don't have to pretend anything anymore. I simply am who I am, and it's just...I wish I knew how to describe it. I'm just FREE.

*More hugs* I hope things work out for you as well. Hang in there; there's a light at the end.

[Dakota]

I'm in the same boat you're in. All of my life, starting back in grade school while living in Honolulu, Hawaii, I've dealt with same-sex attractions to other women. And like you, I've had to suppress those feelings because I grew up believing it was wrong. Even after I became a born-again Christian, on April 21, 2002, and then baptized on August 8, 2004, I was homosexually attracted to another woman from my church, and again was told that it was wrong. I have never understood why gays and lesbians and those of us experiencing same-sex attractions (whether unwanted or not) are never accepted for who we are and encouraged to just accept the way God made us. Instead, we are told to "change, or you're going to Hell," so we have to hide who we really are and pretend that everything is fine and dandy when we know things aren't fine and dandy on the inside. I guess the question we all should be asking is, "If the church tells us that God loves us just the way we are, in other words, unconditionally and with no strings attached, then why do we have to hide our true identity when we're around people who don't understand?" In other words, we have to lie and deceive our way into love, acceptance, and God's Kingdom because no one will accept us any other way. But the truth is, when we are dishonest with ourselves, we are being dishonest with God, lying to Him basically, because it's the only way others will ever accept us. Anyway, the only advice I have for you, Glad, is keep your head held high, your heart on Jesus, and don't change who you are just because the conservative church doesn't understand and won't accept you unless you agree to change, okay? Welcome aboard, by the way!