How do you face being gay when you once felt it was wrong?

[Jennifer5]

This is a general question which has come to mind. Many of you once felt that it was wrong to be gay, how did you over-come that? When your religion tells you that it is wrong and even some or all of the people you love, what do you do?

Personally, how do you come to accept yourself?

[Zerbie]

This topic could go anywhere.

In a way, it's a really brilliant question because it goes to some very elemental topics. It gets into matters of faith, self-confidence, self-trust, and negotiating those qualities with confusing/conflicting narratives from the trusted others in your life.

It can seem the height of arrogance to hear everyone you know condemn a thing while you maintain otherwise, because it seems a bit crazy to think that everyone else in your world is wrong and you alone are right. Arrogant and crazy. Everybody else says "This" while I say "That," ergo logically, statistically, I MUST be wrong, right? Wrong. You ARE right.

It throws your system of reality-checks off balance, because we often test our reality by checking with the others around us: "Hey, is it hot in here, or is it just me?" "No, it's not you, I'm a little uncomfortable too, let's turn on the AC." If you are in an environment where gay is seen as taboo and beyond unacceptable, you have no basis for that reality check, because your experience is going to go unheard and discounted. Instead of coming to own your authentic experience, instead of accepting your feelings gracefully and developing healthy relationships, you can come to severe self-doubt, self-blame, and feelings of shame and unworthiness.

How do you overcome this? Tough question. I'll leave it to those who did to answer with specifics. The easiest thing to do is actually the most difficult: that is to not get into the situation where you distrust yourself and lose your self-confidence to begin with. That seems to be harder, because I suspect most folks don't have the personality type that easily jumps to the conclusion, "Well, everyone else is just wrong about this, while I have it right." Most of us don't do that, especially when young. That personality type appears to be somewhat rare.

To overcome it? I am sure overcoming such conditioning requires building a strong foundation of self-confidence, of faith in oneself and God that what is, is how it is meant to be, the ability to accept one's feelings, and internalize a deeply felt sense of one's worth. You must know you are worth it. You are worthy of love, worthy of deep intimacy with God, worthy of human connections of the kind that feed you in the deepest way. You are worth it. This you must come to know on all levels: know with your intellect, know with your heart, and know within the tissues of your body. You are worth it.

[BrianB]

Originally Posted by Jennifer5

This is a general question which has come to mind. Many of you once felt that it was wrong to be gay, how did you over-come that? When your religion tells you that it is wrong and even some or all of the people you love, what do you do?

Personally, how do you come to accept yourself?

The short answer is; when I really started believing that sexual orientation wasn’t a choice. That God made me bisexual. My sexual attraction to both sexes is God given. That realization brought on a crisis of faith because it flew in the face of what I had always been taught.

I went on a search to find out what it meant to be gay and Christian. Was it even possible to be gay and Christian? I searched the internet for Christian and gay groups. What I found was Soulforce, Whosoever, Gay Christian outreach and several others. There was also the gay and lesbian alliance at my school where I met real gay people in the flesh. These groups and individuals within the groups became my support system. My ex-girlfriend was also of immense help. She was also bisexual and had already gone through the same process years before I had.

Being bisexual eventually led me to change churches. My previous church taught all unrepentant gay people will go to hell…no exceptions. The Catholic Church seemed slightly more accepting. It was also my girlfriend’s church which was also motivation to convert. What really convinced me was the peace I feel when I go to Mass.

What I came to accept was that God made me just the way I am. I also came to accept that interpreting everything in the bible as applicable literally to my life just did not make sense. Many things in the bible were written for a certain place and time to a certain audience. The documents here at Soulforce and at Whosoever were particularly helpful in my search for truth.

[Pablo Rafael]

It was a relatively easy transition for me to change my thinking. I had grown up in the "being gay is a sin" philosophy. After reading Stranger at the Gate I thought that maybe there was another way to look at things. After reading much more and looking closely at the supposed anti-gay Bible passages, I became convinced that the Bible doesn't speak against homosexuality at all.

If I were convinced that the Bible DID condemn same-sex realtionships, I would still believe that it is wrong to be gay. But Biblical study has led me to believe that the anti-gay stance of Christianity is just a tradition and not a scriptural teaching.

Plus I think I knew all along that being gay wasn't wrong though I had tried to convince myself otherwise. Casting aside that viewpoint was an easy thing.

[Gennee]

This is an interesting question, Jennifer. I am a transgender person and the bible doesn't say anything about transgenderism being a sin. It does speak about eunuchs and they were allowed to be a part of God's covenant (Isa 56:1-6).

I have always prayed for salvation for gay and lesbian folks. I never really took the sexual orientation into my mind because a person's heart and soul is very dear to God. I have seen God's work in gay and lesbian people. Long before I discovered my transness, I never had any hatred for gays and lesbians. God doesn't either and I'll tell anybody who says otherwise.

As I study the word, there's no doubt in my mind that God created you the way you are. Going against prevailing thought isn't easy but it's what you believe. I embraced my transgenderism and God embraced me. I am still his child.


Gennee

[BruceChris]

Originally Posted by Brian

My previous church taught all unrepentant gay people will go to hell…no exceptions.

My reading of the Bible tells me that all unrepentant STRAIGHT people will go to hell. (But I'm sure that they really don't want to hear it, expressed quite like that)

We're ALL sinners, but some of us are gay.........

And all of us are loved by God.

BC

[BrianB]

Originally Posted by BruceChris

My reading of the Bible tells me that all unrepentant STRAIGHT people will go to hell. (But I'm sure that they really don't want to hear it, expressed quite like that)

We're ALL sinners, but some of us are gay.........

And all of us are loved by God.

BC

That is a very good point. All of us deserve judgment except for the mercy of God.

[Rick336]

Many years ago when I finally came to the conclusion that I was gay, I figured that if I was gay, then there couldn't be anything wrong with it because I knew that there was nothing wrong with me.

I was told by a roommate once that this was a very self-centered way of looking at it. I never understood what he meant.

Rick

[Nyshana]

Eheh, I like that, Rick - it's rather logical, really; but beyond the self-confidence of most people. Truly insane people never realise they're not perfectly fine .

For me, it was a fairly simple, if long process. I realised that I was bi, and there was nothing anyone could do about it. I realised that I had been bi since I was a kid - not that I'd even noticed then because, well, how many eight-year-olds consciously think about sex and sexuality; but looking back I can see quite clearly that I have always been the way I am, thus it follows that I probably always will be.
Then I spent several months fretting and stressing about it, until one day I was walking to the station thinking about it; and God said "Oh do shut up, it's really not important, get on with your life!"
So I did.

[snuka12000]

That's a very good question. I like to think of myself as this great overcomer but the truth is that I still wrestle with it.

I've gone to counseling, I read Mel White's book Stranger at the Gate, I'm pretty comfortable in my own skin but things that the Church says, and some people say still do hinder me. Perhaps, it is a life-long process reconciling the fact and truth that we are good, God blessed people and not the negative, false, immoral people that they claim that we are.

[Vortex]

Originally Posted by Jennifer5

Personally, how do you come to accept yourself?

Know truth, and then live in it

If you live in the truth of others, you will find yourself always in conflict

The truth you must come to know, comes from within

To accept yourself, you must first know yourself; this is the first step towards discovering truth

Good luck,

Vortex

[scott snedeker]

Originally Posted by Jennifer5

This is a general question which has come to mind. Many of you once felt that it was wrong to be gay, how did you over-come that? When your religion tells you that it is wrong and even some or all of the people you love, what do you do?

Personally, how do you come to accept yourself?

The best for me is great love-making. When someone "loves on me" with passion and love and great orgasm it builds my entitlement to joy!

Recently I took in a young man (21) who was ostracized by his wealthy family for being gay. We went to Costa Rica with three others of my love circle. I bought him a "Bananna Hammock" to wear to the beach. At first he would't wear it, but eventually did when I assured him that He looked great and would get all kinds of attention, (he has quite a beautiful buxom.. Ahem!) he agreed.

Sure enough, He met a local gay tico who is a sweet as honey! They became smitten and made bunnies blush with their romantic fervor.

Now, back at home he wears the "bananna hammock" everyday as underwear. It reminds him of his desireability and entitlement to sensual joy and love. He and Carlos (the Tico boy) have talked every day.

My heart sings with how he opened up and with the help a a beautiful boy, has started to love himself because he is gay!

[Rick336]

Originally Posted by scott snedeker

They became smitten and made bunnies blush with their romantic fervor.

I can never perform when bunnies watch.

Rick

[Zerbie]

Originally Posted by Rick336

I can never perform when bunnies watch.

Rick

Too intimidated by their expert opinions?

[Rick336]

Originally Posted by Zerbie

Too intimidated by their expert opinions?

No. Too embarrassed by their giggles.

Rick

[Zerbie]

Originally Posted by scott snedeker

They became smitten and made bunnies blush with their romantic fervor.

Originally Posted by Rick336

No. Too embarrassed by their giggles.

Rick

Oh, silly Rick. Rabbits don't giggle. They ARE known for holding up rating cards post-coitus: 3.5, 4.0, 4.0, 3.5. They rarely rate humans much above a 4.

Then again, neither do they blush. Scottie, now I know you were exaggerating.

[Rick336]

Originally Posted by Zerbie

Oh, silly Rick. Rabbits don't giggle. They ARE known for holding up rating cards post-coitus: 3.5, 4.0, 4.0, 3.5. They rarely rate humans much above a 4.

Rick

[alphie]

Jesus "pulled a Lazarus" on me last year around this time and helped me to come out. It's been a roller-coaster of faith issues, emotional issues etc.
I used to think being gay was wrong but with the help of God, church friends and family. I sometimes feel like an idiot for not accepting it sooner.
Some days it is still a faith struggle but I'm contiuing to make progress with the help of God and others.

[Daniel]

I cried and pleaded with God and wept and beat against the heavens one long evening during a walk.

I had just realized- after a girl I knew wanted to get it on with me- that it wasn't going to happen- and why it really really really wasn't going to happen. By that time, I had fooled around with another young man. Called things off after a couple of weeks, so guilty was I. He was too. He'd been sent to my Alma Mater to straighten up. The Christian Fundi Stuff was screaming loudly in both our heads.

When the storm of my emotions died down a bit, I realized that I was the same person, would always be that person, and that this person, the one who was attracted to guys simply WAS.

I stopped trying to be something I was not.

Now, years later, I think of that time in my life as the turning point. If there is a God- and I am not convinced that there is- he was silent that night. But peace did come. Some would say that is God. I don't know about that. And am Ok with not having to know. What's important is that I dared to come into my own. Why? The pain of being something- someone else- was too damn painful.

Self-preservation? Perhaps. Whatever the reason, I am very glad I could break through to not hating myself and trying to be something I was not.

[taminator]

I've read the entire Bible eight times (different versions), purposefully looking for evidence that I would go to "hell." I didn't find it. I honestly don't see anywhere in the Bible where it comments about homosexuality. The closest, I guess, is Sodom and Gommorah. But in other places in the Bible where it lists Sodom's sins and why it was destroyed, homosexuality isn't one of them. I'm a spiritual person, but I don't believe in the "literal" interpretation of the Bible. I believe an understanding of the context, as well as the cultural norms of the day are necessary to really get the meaning of what is written.

Have any of you read "Conversations With God" by Neale Donald Walsh? It pretty much sums up my beliefs.