Overbearing parents

[pnggrad79]

I have this kid at school whose mother is the most overbearing, nosy, nit picky bitch in this world. The beginning of the year, 2 weeks into school, she calls me and wants to know the PERCENTAGE of the kids turning their work in on time versus the ones who don't. Because her kid didn't and I wrote it down in my conduct book. 6th graders are big enough to be responsible and do their work. After a 45 minute conference of her going on and on about how it is too much for him and he has baseball and family time and he just can't have homework... I wanted to puke. This mess goes on until November or so, and she pretty much leaves me alone until now, freaking 3 weeks before the end of school. Last week, I denied her little angel recess ONE TIME for not turning in his work, which by the way is 4 weeks overdue. She calls the superintendent of the district to report my offense. I am livid and I have to have a conference with this idiot parent tomorrow. Pray for me that I don't leap over the table, tell her to either get a job or get laid, but get off my ass and make your son grow up and be accountable. I will end up in an orange jumpsuit I swear....Thank God it is only 3 weeks and he is her problem not mine any more....

[tymejumper]

Wow, this must be how people raise totally useless human beings. Never hold your kid accountable and always get them out of trouble.

By my account, my kids will never have that problem. My mantra "If you can't do the time, don't do the crime". I stand by it also. Ask Jester one time.

Good luck!

[Daniel]

pngrad- sounds like you really care about what you do. Kudos there. Hard to make people care. However, if you jump down this parent's throat nothing good can come of that.

Just an idea: what would you tell yourself if you could stand outside the situation? What is the highest response you could make?

[BruceChris]

So even if you do get sent to the other place, you'll get time off for good behavior. . .

Your friend, Bruce Chris

[Jennifer5]

Png, breathe my friend.

Instead of being angry, perhaps you could look at the situation a different way. Try to think about that poor boy, he doesn't have a mom who loves him enough to hold him accountable. Rules and limits are one of the greatest signs of love a parent, or a teacher, can give. You are acting in his best interest, you care enough about him to draw the line. His mother on the other hand, doesn't sound like she sets limits this makes life scary for a kid.

The people I look up to the most, are the ones that love me enough to tell me I'm out of line. Certain rules, such as ones that teachers put in place, may drive others crazy, but whether we tell you or not, secretly we love you for them.

Three more weeks and if that boy is lucky, he'll see that you're doing what's best for him. Keep up the good work. Love ya

[pnggrad79]

That worthless idiot didn't even show up for the conference she insisted on. I was like, "You make all this fuss for nothing. All you are is a bunch of hot air who has nothing else better to do than be the parent from hell." Sometimes when a kid is nothing but trouble, all I do is have to look at the parent. The apple don't fall too far from the tree. More and more, and I know I have said this before, all I want to do is pass out applications if people plan to breed. The first question I want to ask them is, "And you think this a good idea, why? Explain" I want to get a bumper sticker that says, "If you ain't gonna take care of 'em, don't have 'em."

Sorry for my rant...Sometimes I really don't like parents, and I am one...but I am not a pain in the ass parent who has nothing else better to do than to make life miserable for everyone else...

[Dakota]

When parents don't hold their children accountable for their behavior, they end up raising a generation of kids who think they are above the law and nobody can touch them. Teachers can't teach when a child is rude and disruptive in class (or won't get their work done), and the child's parents expect the teacher to comply and exclude the child from his or her responsibilities (especially if the child is old enough to be responsible for themselves in class). Kudos to you, Pnggrad79, for being a caring and dedicated teacher. We need more teachers like you in our schools.

[pnggrad79]

Oh it just gets better and better...

Yesterday, an aide of our language arts department head, came into my class and handed this kid (the one who is the subject of this thread) a gallon size Zip Loc bag. I was behind my desk because I was in control of a taped story they were listening to, so I didn't get a good look at what it contained. After the story was over, I lined them up to take them outside for recess (which the kid still didn't get to participate for the same damn missing work) and the daughter of the aide(who is also in my class) started bouncing up to me saying that her mother had done this kid's Science project for him since he didn't want to do it. I took them out to recess and mulled over what I was going to do. I could tell my Science partner what he did or I could keep quiet. I thought to myself," I am not going to let this kid get away with doing nothing once again." He has managed to finagle his mom and dad and now other people into doing his work for him. I would be remiss in my duties if I just looked the other way and said nothing.

After lunch, which followed recess, he went to his Math class. I was walking up and down the rows and noticed the Ziploc bag underneath his desk. I picked it up and went across the hall and gave it to my Science partner. I told her what the aide's daughter told me. She emailed the aide and asked her if this was true. The aide said that this kid's dad commissioned her to do it for him since their computer was on the blink. She insisted that he gathered all the facts, and she just put it all on a tri-fold brochure for him on her computer. I thought it was a dead issue since my Science partner was willing to accept it.

Today, the mom calls the school secretary and reams her out saying that it was none of my business to pick up his work off the floor and turn it in for him. She wanted to know if his project could be returned to the front office and she would pick it up and have the kid hand deliver it to the Science teacher.

Now mom, dad, the principal, me and Science teacher have a conference scheduled for next Tuesday. I guarantee you if I find anything of his on the floor, it goes in the trash, like I should have done with his science project. No more favors for him, because I can't win for losing with this family. I am done. He gets what he gets.

[pnggrad79]

Apparently all she wanted to do was bitch at me...

Brought up stuff that happened back in October. One was when a boy in my class said he hated gay people. I jumped on it without outing myself and said that it was not right to hate someone because of who or what they are. I told him and the rest of the class that they had no right to "hate" anyone unless that person, whether gay, straight, white, black, Asian or disabled, had done something warranting hatred, like mistreatment, or slander, or some other offense, but to hate someone simply because they are gay is wrong.

Mom wasn't satisfied that the principal had already spoken to me (back in flipping October). She wanted me to account for it to her, like she is God or something. I said that I wasn't going to let a statement like that just slide. She said that it was inappropriate for 6th graders and I said, "Well raising a child to hate is inappropriate as well."

I said that he had overdue assignments and she said she didn't care about those. I said well this conversation is over. I walked out and left.

12 days and I don't have to deal with this idiot again.

[Jennifer5]

Originally Posted by pnggrad79

Apparently all she wanted to do was bitch at me...

Brought up stuff that happened back in October. One was when a boy in my class said he hated gay people. I jumped on it without outing myself and said that it was not right to hate someone because of who or what they are. I told him and the rest of the class that they had no right to "hate" anyone unless that person, whether gay, straight, white, black, Asian or disabled, had done something warranting hatred, like mistreatment, or slander, or some other offense, but to hate someone simply because they are gay is wrong.

Mom wasn't satisfied that the principal had already spoken to me (back in flipping October). She wanted me to account for it to her, like she is God or something. I said that I wasn't going to let a statement like that just slide. She said that it was inappropriate for 6th graders and I said, "Well raising a child to hate is inappropriate as well."

I said that he had overdue assignments and she said she didn't care about those. I said well this conversation is over. I walked out and left.

12 days and I don't have to deal with this idiot again.

I admire you png! You stood up for what is right, even in a challenging situation. You're an incredible person and amazing teacher!

[u-dog]

If the other parents in the class haven't stepped up to thank you for the job you are doing let this parent do it. I have three promising adult children who are doing amazing college and professional work because of dedicated hardworking people like you (one of them has even BECOME a teacher because of people like you.) Keep up the good and incredibly difficult work, PNG. God knows that someone has to do it and it would be best if someone good was doing it. THANKS! (and enjoy your summer ... sounds like you need some time off)

[pnggrad79]

Thanks for encouragement udog and Jennifer. I am sorry for my little diatribe, but admittedly, I posted this situation because I knew I would get support from people who understand and know me, albeit online.

Amazingly, day after the conference, he shows up today with 4 week old work DONE. I wonder if he had his mom or some other poor soul do it for him. It was curious that I have waited for 4 weeks for it, and he drags his feet when I ask him for it.

I know I am so supposed to remain impartial and above opinions as a teacher, but I just don't like this kid or his parents, and I really shouldn't blame the kid, he can't help who his parents are... I just feel sorry for him in the real world when he can't get mommy to do his work for him or go to his boss to beg off doing his work, or make excuses for him....

[scott snedeker]

Originally Posted by pnggrad79

Thanks for encouragement udog and Jennifer. I am sorry for my little diatribe, but admittedly, I posted this situation because I knew I would get support from people who understand and know me, albeit online.

Amazingly, day after the conference, he shows up today with 4 week old work DONE. I wonder if he had his mom or some other poor soul do it for him. It was curious that I have waited for 4 weeks for it, and he drags his feet when I ask him for it.

I know I am so supposed to remain impartial and above opinions as a teacher, but I just don't like this kid or his parents, and I really shouldn't blame the kid, he can't help who his parents are... I just feel sorry for him in the real world when he can't get mommy to do his work for him or go to his boss to beg off doing his work, or make excuses for him....

On the contrary! He is learning from another teacher, a teacher who is coaching him how to manipulate people into doing things for him. He will learn mind games from a master. In the end he will become a professional manipulator and with his skills he will get far....until he crosses path with something like the IRS or other entity.

You are perceptive in that he will create a sense of inadequacey within himself and suffer. "I'm not good enough so I have to cheat" He will have an impaired sense of self-reliance and will whine how nobody trusts him and everything is always harder for him. Sad indeed! And his suffering will collaterlize to others.

This is nothing new. There are millions of adults just like him today. Where your challenge may lie is in feeling compassion for the suffering he already experiences as well as the the suffering he will experience in the future as a dysfunctional adult. I find that once I can see the suffering of someone who annoys me, I can then feel compassion and open my heart to him, and the annoyance becomes unimportant. This letting go is a bit fatalistic, but sometimes fatalism allows compassion to shine through.

[tymejumper]

I think you did the right thing. It is up to the teachers, and actually all adults also to let it be known that we dont teach our children to hate, period. If she wants to demonstrate those things in her home, fine. During the day, its YOUR classroom, children will demonstrate the manners or your classroom. If they hate, fine, but they need to be taught to keep it to themselves.

My childrens school system has a hate policy in place, it has really helped a lot with my kids being accepted and the principal gets right on any problems like discrimination.