Stretching my Wings...

[Poetic Awakening]

Dear Friends,

Who says you have to have everything figured out? I love the words of Krishnamurti, in that to understand anything, one must be able to first say "I don't know". And when it comes to understanding myself, and what all this sexual and religious and psychological mess might mean, I find that as long as I can accept it as is, without putting labels on it, and making it into something it isn't, and I can take a deep breath and relax, it's okay. Life's okay. My marriage is great, my situation is great (considering), and I am fully capable of being happy. There is no need to search for pleasure in the covens of sexual fantasy outside of the realm of my marriage; no need to be worried about acceptance from friends and family (not that everything is necessarily their business all the time).

Life gets hard, it gets rough. But the human spirit is a master of resilience, if allowed the opportunity. And I have learned that no matter how shitty my life's situation gets, it always gets better, somehow, someway. To border the line of morbidity, even if life's troubles brought me to my deathbed, I hear heaven is still accepting applications for residency. Whatever that heaven might be, it's sure to be better than the darkest depths of this hell. But I prefer to not think so much on escapism. Yes, it's hard, but much more rewarding to be able to smile amidst the storm, even with the tears. May God grant us the grace to take that deep breath a little more often!

Poetic

[scott snedeker]

Labels are only as real to me as I make them. If they help me connect with my heart and assist me to allow in all the joys and pains that I will experience, then they are valuable to me.

If not and they cause harm and suffering, then they are of no use or value to me . Without value these are meaningless and powerless unless I allow myself to suffer.

These are some of the truths that I have learn through mindfulness meditation over the last couple of years.

I am a Radical Faerie. Gay would be just too tame and dull a word to suit my spirit. I have a diverse capacity for intimacy with my gender and place very few restrictions on expression of this capacity.

Radical Faerie says free, unique, entitled, powerful, happy, and unconcerned with pathetic labels that less conscious humans come up with.

PS. Sounds like smug fits in there somewhere

[Poetic Awakening]

Haha, more power to you!

It is a fresh breath, after coming on here and spilling my guts and also talking with my wife about everything. I feel like I am slowly discovering who I am as a person, though I have seemingly ignored it for so long (even after accepting it). I know one thing, I haven't written more in my life than when I am at peace with my sexuality. It's like I was putting a block up because I wasn't really being 100% honest with myself. Maybe one day soon I can feel at home in my skin, as it sounds like you do!

Thanks for making me smile

[BrianB]

I used to worry about labels. What should I call my sexual orientation? Am I; pansexual, ambisexual, bisexual, omnisexual. One day I just realized I'm Brian. That is all the label I need. My sex life is no one else's business. If I must use a label I'll say "bisexual" because people understand what that means. That label just doesn't go far enough.

[Jennifer5]

Originally Posted by Poetic Awakening

Dear Friends,

Who says you have to have everything figured out? I love the words of Krishnamurti, in that to understand anything, one must be able to first say "I don't know". And when it comes to understanding myself, and what all this sexual and religious and psychological mess might mean, I find that as long as I can accept it as is, without putting labels on it, and making it into something it isn't, and I can take a deep breath and relax, it's okay. Life's okay. My marriage is great, my situation is great (considering), and I am fully capable of being happy. There is no need to search for pleasure in the covens of sexual fantasy outside of the realm of my marriage; no need to be worried about acceptance from friends and family (not that everything is necessarily their business all the time).

Life gets hard, it gets rough. But the human spirit is a master of resilience, if allowed the opportunity. And I have learned that no matter how shitty my life's situation gets, it always gets better, somehow, someway. To border the line of morbidity, even if life's troubles brought me to my deathbed, I hear heaven is still accepting applications for residency. Whatever that heaven might be, it's sure to be better than the darkest depths of this hell. But I prefer to not think so much on escapism. Yes, it's hard, but much more rewarding to be able to smile amidst the storm, even with the tears. May God grant us the grace to take that deep breath a little more often!

Poetic

What you wrote is very encouraging! It's a great reminder for me at least.

I was going through a tough time recently and I too just let it all out here. I knew all along that everything would be fine, but I so desperately needed to hear that from someone else that I couldn't stand it.

Never lose hope! And when you do feel discouraged or lost and confused about things, this can be an incredible place.

[Poetic Awakening]

The interwoven blankets of blind-eye ignorance we cast upon ourselves out of fear tend to weigh a little much, considering how they quickly become soaked with the teary-eyed flood gates of isolation and loneliness. For now, I am finding that as I peel back each blanketed layer, and slowly crawl out from beneath the sheets under which I have been hiding since I was a boy, I am taking to flight much like a phoenix from its ember-laden bed of ash. The issue is, that in my liberation, I have been found unprepared to take any such trek down this path my soul has felt so intrinsically inclined toward venturing.

Optimism is easy to maintain during that proverbial approach to a bottomless waterfall, but once the canoe begins teeter-tottering into its imminent, yet irreversible, downward plunge, it can appear as if all hope for coming out of the unforgiving guillotine of jagged, razor-edged rocks at the eventual end of this descent unscathed and intact, is not only unfounded, but utterly futile.

The words heartache, confusion, and paranoia are in themselves misnomers in adequately describing this given state. And to know that the hand you are gripping so deathly to the grave could very well live happily on the thunderous glade's serene-like shore, without being inadvertently forced to take this mortal plunge alongside its chosen betrothed, rips and gnaws and thrashes into your ventricles until there is only a pulpy mess of what if's and regrets. And then in some strange way, the fall doesn't seem all that far, considering the heights from which you fell when Grace became a vague, half-forgotten truth of your past.

And then you wonder, why didn't I make the fall sooner, or even drown myself before this point if it is so hard to overcome? That's when you realize that life doesn't always throw the same fingers-on-the-laces kinds of pitches. Sometimes the pitch gets thrown into the dirt and you just have to run with it--let the judgment be made when the dust settles. At the very least, in the end of it, you were a soul who possessed enough meddle in your bones to try, instead of merely sighing passively in discontent.

The light may disappear from your horizons, but even the sun has to set every now and again. So you keep your head up, with the tears still rolling down your cheeks, and let loose a soft prayer of release from the burdening pains of your life's struggle. And you embrace the sweet mists of your impending destiny, as both heaven and earth crash mercilessly at your feet. With the poise of a majestic swan arising from the reeds of an ancient pond, you stretch out your wings; not because you feel you have to, but because deep down inside, you know you were born to.