Hello, I'm Emily!

[zahndervan]

Hiya!
My name is Emily and I'm 20 years old from a small town in PA. I'm a lesbian and I just came out to my parents a little over a year ago. They are certainly not OK with it, and it is very stressful.
I'm a Christian meaning that I love Jesus and try to love others as Jesus did, and I'm having a hard time feeling comfortable in the so called Christian community. I'm afraid to come out to people in my town because I know they will judge me harshly and I'm 99% positive I will be ostracized by my family and community not to mention that I will bring embarrassment to my parents. I guess I'm looking for other lesbian Christians and a sense of community. I need to know that it is possible to be openly gay and openly Christian. I don't know any gay Christians, at all. Ally my gay friends have been so hurt by the church that they don't want anything to do with Christianity and all my church friends either don't know, don't understand, or have left because of disgust. I would really appreciate any advice, listening ears, and helpful words.

[Emproph]

Hey Emily!

If you believe in the Golden Rule and you “worship” it to the point that you treat others the way you would want to be treated, You're a Christian---because you are Christ-i-an in nature.

As far as the clobber passages go (if that‘s an issue), you may want to read

What the Bible Says - And Doesn't Say - About Homosexuality
by Rev. Mel White, co-founder of Soulforce

It’s a booklet you can read online (or order).

Beyond that, just remember that you are not alone, and that there are many here who can express that way better than I.

[BruceChris]

There are many resources out there. Unfortunately, most are either online, or in the bigger cities. Here are several.

http://www.whosoever.org This is a Christian lesbian run site

http://www.pflag.org Parents, Friends and family of Lesbians and Gays, it's national, with chapters in most large cities.

http://www.welcomingresources.org A GREAT resource, run by Rev. Rebecca

Read our About and Resources tabs. Please come back, now and then.

Peace and Love, Bruce Chris

[celestial_rain]

Hi Emily!
I know exactly how you feel...while my parents have been very accepting of it, my girlfriends parents kinda lost it...and things are still weird between me and my parents sometimes. But I have found many lesbian and gay friends where I live, and this community is wonderful. Welcome!

[zahndervan]

I appreciate the web sites!
The one thing I don't struggle with is knowing that Jesus made me and loves me the way I am. 1 Corinthians 15:10a.
I've been to all the websites, but unfortunately it has never really given me a sense of community.

[zahndervan]

Originally Posted by celestial_rain

my girlfriends parents kinda lost it...and things are still weird between me and my parents sometimes.

My girlfriends parents (mom mainly) are even less accepting than mine. They aren't even trying to understand. My parents and I still argue often. It is just so exasperating.
It helps to know that there are other people out there with similar experiences. It seems that most people I know that are openly gay have been so hurt by the church that they completely throw God out of their lives. It sometimes feels like I'm the only one saying "No no no the church just messed the message up!"

[Gennee]

Hi Emily and welcome. I am a transgender person and a Christian who loves Jesus. Jesus loves just as you are. I have personally seen God's work in the lives of gay, lesbian, bisexual and transgender people.

It hurts me that many GLBT folks have rejected God, Christianity, and the bible because of the cruel treatment by so-called 'Christians'. This is something that I'm working to change.

Once again, welcome to the group.

Gennee

[zahndervan]

Originally Posted by Gennee

many GLBT folks have rejected God, Christianity, and the bible because of the cruel treatment by so-caled 'Christians'. This is something that I'm working to change.

Thank you for the welcome and for your willingness to share. We definitely need more people like you in the world. It is sad how "Christians" are treating other people (not just GLBTQ) and turning them away from the love of God.

[alphie]

Hi Emily - first of all, you are going to be okay. God is with you. Read psalm 139
and you may want to check out http://www.sisterfriends-together.org/
for a community
I am praying for you.
Peace from a fellow lesbian

[zahndervan]

Originally Posted by alphie

Hi Emily - first of all, you are going to be okay. God is with you. Read psalm 139
and you may want to check out http://www.sisterfriends-together.org/
for a community
I am praying for you.
Peace from a fellow lesbian

I just wanted to express my deep gratitude (which consequently is hard to do via forum). But, thank you very much. It means a lot! I will definitely check out the website and Bible verse.

[alphie]

Hi Emily - I do hope the scripture and the website help you. Keep us posted on how you are doing. Please remember - it's called the Christian walk, not the cake walk. I am twice your age and it wasn't easy for me to come out either (18 months ago). I don't think it is easy for anyone. I am praying for you and I hope you find a good community.

[samjhasty]

Emily,
I have found this cite to be very useful. One of these churches might be able to hook you up with a local community.
I am so glad you have found our little soulforce family. Keep searching! I know you will find the peace you are looking for!!
http://www.gaychurch.org/Find_a_Chur...nnsylvania.htm

[BruceChris]

http://www.sisterfriends-together.org/forum/

Bruce Chris

[zahndervan]

Originally Posted by alphie

I do hope the scripture and the website help you. Please remember - it's called the Christian walk, not the cake walk. I am twice your age and it wasn't easy for me to come out either (18 months ago).

The scripture was awesome, and a great reminder. Verse 14 especially got me. I definitely know that it isn't easy. I've been a Christian for a long time and I know it will never be easy, but it will always be worth it. Congratulations on coming out, I imagine it would be harder the older you get. How did your friends/family/co-workers react? I will be praying for you too.

Originally Posted by samjhasty

Emily,
I have found this cite to be very useful. One of these churches might be able to hook you up with a local community.

Thanks for the website! I checked it out. Unfortunately the closest church is over an hour away, but I'll try to go sometime soon.

Originally Posted by BruceChris

http://www.sisterfriends-together.org/forum/

Thank you so much! I just joined, it seems awesome!

[Jennifer5]

Welcome Emily!

You mentioned that you still fight with your parents a lot, which I understand if insanely stressful. For me though, and I don't know it may be different with your parents, when I get concerned is when my doesn't want to fight anymore. When she gives up and just decides that the argument is over, that's when I worry. My $0.02 on that.


I'm 18, so we're close in age. My story is nothing like yours, but I love meeting new people to chat with and am glad to listen and get to know you better. If you want my email or something let me know.

Again, welcome to the site.

[zahndervan]

So my parents came to visit me yesterday/today and it was exhausting. We didn't fight, argue, or even talk about anything that is "touchy." But I could see it, in the way they looked at me, that I'm just a huge disappointment. It is just so frustrating! No matter how well I do in school, how active I am in different organizations, or how hard I try to please them I will always be a disappointment to them because I'm gay.
I love my parents, I really do, and I guess that is why it hurts so much to see how disgusted they are with me.
I'm just going to keep praying that they can accept me one day...

[Jennifer5]

Originally Posted by zahndervan

So my parents came to visit me yesterday/today and it was exhausting. We didn't fight, argue, or even talk about anything that is "touchy." But I could see it, in the way they looked at me, that I'm just a huge disappointment. It is just so frustrating! No matter how well I do in school, how active I am in different organizations, or how hard I try to please them I will always be a disappointment to them because I'm gay.
I love my parents, I really do, and I guess that is why it hurts so much to see how disgusted they are with me.
I'm just going to keep praying that they can accept me one day...

I know it may sound crazy, but this sounds like progress to me. They missed you so much that they came to visit you. The are aware of the situation. I would have to take this as a sign that they are going to stand by you no matter how hard that may be for them right now. They love you very much.

[zahndervan]

Originally Posted by Jennifer5

I know it may sound crazy, but this sounds like progress to me. They missed you so much that they came to visit you. The are aware of the situation. I would have to take this as a sign that they are going to stand by you no matter how hard that may be for them right now. They love you very much.

Unfortunately not. They've never disowned me, although, sometimes I wish they would have, it would make things easier at times. They were actually upset that I was not home for the summer. They are definitely not "standing by me" no matter what. They refuse to accept this part of me. So they just ignore it and act like nothing is wrong and that I'm "normal." I know they love me in their own way. But it does appear to be a conditional love.

[Pablo Rafael]

Hi Emily,

I haven't been on the forums here for a few days so I missed your introductory post. Welcome.

The situation of being "out" with one's parents can be quite difficult. It took my mom some time to adjust to my coming out. First step was when I told her. The second step, which seemed to be harder for her, was when I can out publically. People felt sorry for her, and she was embaressed. (My real father died many years ago; I am sure delaing with him would have been quite a trial.)

But in the two years I have been out to my mom, she has made a lot of progress. Sometimes it takes time for things to work out. I am convinced that love can cut through all problems. Show your parents lots of love, and let God do the rest.

I must say that I was 46 when I came out to my mom and step dad. Being older had the advantage that they had long since stopped telling to tell me what I should do.

I am a dedicated Christian. I belong to a wonderful Episcopal church that accepts me and welcomes me and doesn't have a single difficulty with my being gay. I find that being in a church family is very important to me. I live in a small town in the Rocky Mountain West. It is a fairly accepting area. It is a "mind your business and I will mind mine" sort of atmosphere. My boyfriend lives in South Carolina at the moment. He has more difficulty being openly gay in that part of the country. Still he has a welcoming church home. (He is Epsicopalian as well.) There are LGBT affirming churches around. Generally Episcopal, Disciples of Christ, UCC, and ELCA Lutheran are good places to explore.

It has been over a year since I publically came out. The dust has settled and I am very glad that I took that step. It is nice to be a year later, however.

But enough advice from me.

Hope to see many posts from you in the future.

Tu Amigo, Pablo

[zahndervan]

That is what makes it hard. My parents have me by the purse strings. I'm trying to make it as easy on them as possible and they are not ready for me to come out en mass. I'm out at school completely, but hardly anyone from home or my family knows. I'm also afraid of being exiled from my church which gives me a lot of money for school. I'm sick of lying but I also seem to not have a choice.