Matthew Shepard

[dsdrane]

Matthew Shepard's mother, Judy, has a new memoir -- The Meaning of Matthew.

Jay and I were talking tonight about how we still hate the two men who crucified him on that fence in Wyoming.

This is a non-violent-espousing site.

Discuss.

[Daniel]

Saw the play - Laramie - when it came out some years ago. It really got to me.

I've come to see the two men invovled as agents of ignorance and fear: at least one of them seems to have had some same-sex attraction. Internalized homophobia killed Matthew Shepard?

I haven't forgotten the march for Matthew here in NYC. Wow. That was something. The police tried to keep the crowd from marching downtown, and at one point, horses rushed the crowd. They also arrested the organizers. It was an intense, but very peaceful action- you could cut the air with the tension and anger. We eventually made it to Madison Square Park at 23rd St. to find a phalanx of police 4 deep stretching across the road. What did they think? That we were going to storm City Hall? Their fear was on parade that night.

We stood in the Park and sang and listened to impassioned speeches. Sometimes I like to think that his death brought change, and sometimes I'm not sure of that. It took a hell of long time for legislation to be introduced into Congress.

Matthew was crucified for nothing. And that is still the most horrible thing to contemplate. I never have thought of him as a martyr. I'd rather he was alive, living in the Village, and getting it on with his boyfriend.

[Zerbie]

Originally Posted by dsdrane

Matthew Shepard's mother, Judy, has a new memoir -- The Meaning of Matthew.

Jay and I were talking tonight about how we still hate the two men who crucified him on that fence in Wyoming.

This is a non-violent-espousing site.

Discuss.

The emotional reaction only makes sense. It would be weird not to feel something strong around those who did such a monstrous thing. It might even suggest a callousness towards torment and violence, or a jaded acquiescence that because that's the way the world is, it is somehow supposed to be and it cannot be changed.

As for the non-violence. . . non-violence in the present context is a somewhat less than ideal translation of non-harming (this site cites Gandhi, who would have been versed in the fundamental tenant of ahimsa.) It usually means not-hurting and not-killing. Sometimes by the nature of a situation, to avoid more serious harm either to self or others, one must fight back. It requires crystal clear judgment to discern if there is such a situation, which is a dangerously fine line and one best avoided unless it is completely impossible to do so.

Regarding the violent murder that started this conversation:
We ask ourselves what good can be accomplished, and what harm can be avoided in our own actions. Not what emotions should we feel. We just feel whatever we do feel and that's that. Feeling hate towards those who commit extraordinary atrocities does not do harm unless it is acted upon (one could argue about thought-vibrations affecting the universal energy field, but I think in cases like this one, the strong negative feeling is an inverse expression of our desire for good and love to manifest, and a reaction to their stark absence. As long as such feelings are not allowed to be stored inside oneself long term, they are probably not doing much harm if discharged healthily and not acted upon.) Feelings by themselves do not act. We act upon them, or not.

We might ask what desire is hiding disguised behind the hate. Maybe it is to change the society. Maybe it is to become someone who is softer and more quick to express love and affection. Maybe it is to drop run of the mill concerns and drink in deeply the joy we can experience just being alive, for we may not be tomorrow. Whatever it is, if we use our emotion as the compass pointing us towards what we really desire, rather than reacting to it, or judging ourselves for having it, maybe we can find an opportunity there. Maybe we have an opportunity to enrich someone else's life. The smallest things can make a difference.

The most important thing is to ask what we DO want, and take any step, no matter how small, in that direction. The important matter is not who those men were who committed an atrocity or how you feel about them, but what is important is who you are and what quality you bring into fruition around you. The non-harming principle is as much about who we are and who we want to become as it is about the other person. Or more.

[dsdrane]

Fortunately there is a difference.

Jay and I have been talking about this a lot recently. While neither of us would ever do anything violent, we sure do feel violent lately. Matthew Shepard's murder certainly is one trigger; but, as Daniel suggested, it's really just a symptom of ignorance and fear.

As is the ridiculously over-the-top anti-Obama rhetoric coming from the increasingly less-fringey elements of the right wing. Given the climate, I don't think it hyperbole to suggest that ignorance and fear are a very real threat to the President's life, as well as other members of government.

Put simply, it's freaking us out...but, more to the point, it is giving rise to an anger -- actually a hate -- that troubles both of us. The fact that I can understand how someone who grew up in a certain context would fear that "her America" was being taken away doesn't change the fact that I would like to slap her silly. Ditto for the "understandable" ignorance and fear displayed in Laramie...I'd like to hurt them.

And I simply don't do things like that.

So, it's troubling, to say the least.

Channeling the anger in constructive ways to confront the root causes of ignorance and fear is absolutely the way to go, but it still isn't completely satisfying. Sadly, I fear I'm going to have to get a lot better at dealing with feelings like this....

[Daniel]

It's because I'm in therapy at the moment, but sometimes I think we have to feel bad before we can do better (not saying I feel bad, just that it seems as though we have to feel our feelings without trying to change them before they change).

Is feeling anger or hate the problem? I don't think so. I think feeling these things and also feeling that one can't do anything about it is the problem.

Right now it feels as though anger, ignorance and hate are getting a lot of press, which seems to feed on itself, growing and growing like a tumor.

That said, I choose to believe that love and compassion are everywhere, even if we - at times - don't feel it or see it in the actions of others around us- on those god-damn talking-head cable programs and the blah blah blahing of politicians on the take so that they can get into office again and repeat the cycle.

Love and compassion- I believe- leads us to be outraged. And that's not a bad thing as long as there is a self-aware brain involved. That- I believe- can lead to the kinds of actions that can make a different. And that is why- David- you don't aren't violent.

Just came back from the grocery store at the Time Warner building here in NYC (where CNN is located). Who is standing out front? A bunch of our fellow citizens protesting for single payer health care. Their outrage has them doing something.

Know who I wanna see get angry? Pissed off? Obama. I know that in certain quarters an angry black man is considered verboten. But there is a time and an place for anger, isn't there? There is a time and a place to shake everyone to the core. A time to put up or shut up. A time to make a f'ing difference.


Yes We Can needs to change into ...

We-Are-Gonna-Do-This-Now!

[dsdrane]

I was, admittedly, a reluctant Obama supporter [Hil was my gal], but I was moved and cried like everybody else when he was elected. Well, like many.

For the most part, I'm pleased. After 8 years of W., it's hard not to be. HOWEVER, I'm sorry (but not surprised) to say that he has underwhelmed on a number of issues -- gay rights and health care, for starters.

In the heady days following the inauguration, this was the administration that said: go big or go home.

Well, I don't want them to go home...so they'd better go big.

The barbarians are at the gate. They always are. And they'll be back...so what does this man want to get accomplished before they do?

[BenL]

From the latest issue of The Advocate is a story about Back to Laramie, on the occasion of the 10th anniversary of Matthew Shepherd's murder.

[u-dog]

To our fair city this Friday to picket a local High School where "The Laramie Project" is being produced as the fall play. A "Phelps-a-thon" is being organized in response. A Phelps-a-thon is a counter-demonstration where passers-by can pledge money to support local GLBT charities on a "Per minute" basis. For instance, here, the WBC folks are scheduled to picket for 35 minutes between 2:55pm and 3:30pm. A pledge of $2 a minute is $70 for the local GLBT youth program and the Gay Straight Alliance at the High School in question. The beauty of this is that a Phelps-a-thon puts the Westboro bozos in the position of raising money for GLBT causes.

http://www.phelps-a-thon.com

[antiochian]

I just bought Judy's book "The Meaning of Matthew," and am looking forward to reading it. Unfortunately, I missed out on a chance to see Judy Shepard speak when she came to South Dakota two years ago. "The Laramie Project" moved me deeply when I saw it on DVD.

As far as Fred Phelps goes, it'll suck to be him when payback time approaches, and he receives his karma bill.

[antiochian]

I was wondering if anyone knows whether the fence Matthew was tied to is still standing. I've been hoping to go there and bring flowers one day, but a friend said it's been taken down due to the crowds it has drawn. I hope that is not so, and if it is, that a memorial of some sort has been erected so that we'll always remember...

Incidentally, I finished reading Judy's book, and can't recommend it enough. Sad, yet inspiring.

[antiochian]

If my ChaCha guide was correct, the fence is indeed gone now.

[Emproph]

In Memorariam: Matthew Shepard (December 1, 1976 – October 12, 1998)

Buffy, a frequent commenter on the pro-gay watchdog sites, included a video in that post, done to the song “Scarecrow” by Melissa Etheridge--written in memory of Matthew Shepard (see below).

Originally Posted by antiochian

I was wondering if anyone knows whether the fence Matthew was tied to is still standing. I've been hoping to go there and bring flowers one day, but a friend said it's been taken down due to the crowds it has drawn. I hope that is not so, and if it is, that a memorial of some sort has been erected so that we'll always remember...

For what it's worth, consider that a song (and its accompanying inspiration), unlike a fence, can be a much further reaching, and sometimes more meaningful memorial.

The poster of that moving video, Michelle5451, writes:

This is for all you hate filled people who feel the need to spew your venom at people who live their lives different than your own. There is no bigger indication of self-hatred and deeply rooted fear than when a person throws hate and anger upon the world.

As if the story of Matthew Shepard isn't terrible enough - picture this, sit with it for awhile and bring it to mind the next time you want to attack a "fag," "dyke" or "homo" - when Matt was found 18 hours after his beating, his head and face were caked with dried blood, and in the blood on his face was a trail leading down his cheeks from his eyes. This tells us Matt had been awake at some point after his beating and before he fell into a coma, he knew what had been done to him, he was in pain, he was scared and perhaps, he knew he was going to die - and so, he cried. Tied to a fence, unable to move, brain damaged and dying - this man cried. Does that break your heart? It should...if you have one. If the story of Matt Shepard doesn't shock and disgust you far greater than the idea of two people of the same gender loving each other, you're the one not right with God.

The Matthew Shepard Foundation.

[psycho_drama]

Nobody had even heard of Matthew shepard in the world at large before he was attacked, now we can't forget his name. The fear and hate we feel could be from the feeling it could have been anyone of us, so we fear the next attack, the next life lost. This fear boils and ferments into hate, we no longer trust the world outside. Peace is a practice, it is not easy, and it is certainly not without its difficult. If you offer the olive branch and revonciliation to someone and it slapped away don't pick it up and hit them with it. Instead find other ways around their intolerance.

The phelps clan has become unwittingly an ally for us, they help us remind people that is still bigotry in the world. I had read an article (www.365gay.com) about how the phelps clan went to maine to protest marriage equality there and some local kids had set up fund raiser there and raised over $3,000 for GLAAD. I have another question is satire a form of non-violent resistance, by getting people to laugh at something it takes away all the seriousness of the otherside's arguement. Mel Brooks thought the same thing when he wrote the Producers.

Those are just some my thoughts.
Lee

[BishopIoan]

With all the anti-gay rhetoric and hatred being spewed about, I think it would be difficult not to have violent feelings towards the murderers of Matthew Shepard. I struggle with the same thing day in, day out, seeing what the right wing is allowed to get away with in our country. We are just about the last minority that is considered OK to slander, harass, harm, and/or kill.

However, (I don't know if this helps, but I hope it will) you are better than all those people. They are ignorant and cruel, seeking only to tear down, not to build. I would suggest that if you can, get active in some way...I intend to find ways of being more active in our struggle. They know only hate and negativity. Let's not fall into that trap.

I just keep asking the Lord and Lady to help me not translate anger to violence. It helps that I really couldn't do much physical harm to anyone, but still...