Why is this relevant

[ladyinred]

This may or not seem relevant to you as being gay, but I think it is. Because most people are taught to just conform to the status quo and fit in. It also has to do with parents who take their children to reparative therapy, remarks like what Pat Roberston said about gay people being primarily hedonistic, and on remark I hear or read by a man that said that why would gay people do things that upset other people, if they would just do what is expected of them ,fit in and conform ,revert to heterosexuality then there would be no problems....We still see problems with racism and misogyny in our society .... so what's new with conforming and fitting in and trying to do things "right"? Article by Maragret Paul..
Were you brought up to believe that taking care of yourself is selfish, and that to be a good person you need to be self-sacrificing? In this article, discover what is selfish and what isn't.
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One of the false beliefs that stops many people, especially women, from practicing Inner Bonding and learning to take loving care of themselves is the belief that "taking care of myself is selfish. In order to be a good person, I'm supposed to be self-sacrificing and take care of others instead of myself."

Many of us were raised by a self-centered, narcissistic parent who, instead of supporting us in learning to take care of ourselves and discovering what brings us joy, expected us to give ourselves up and take care of him or her. When we didn't do what they wanted us to do, they called us selfish.

Let's talk about what it means to be selfish:

•We are selfish when we only consider ourselves and do not consider the effect our behavior has on others.

•We are selfish when we expect others to give themselves up and do what we want them to do, rather than do what brings them joy or is in their highest good.

•We are selfish when we keep drawing a conversation back to ourselves rather than listening to and caring about what someone else is saying.

•We are selfish when we punish others when they think and feel differently than we do.

•We are selfish when we harm others for our own ends.
Now let's talk about what is not selfish:

•We are being self-responsible, not selfish, when we do what brings us joy with no intent to harm another, even if another person doesn't like it.

•We are being self-responsible, not selfish, when we support our own highest good, even when someone wants us to do something other than what we are doing.

•We are being self responsible when we are considerate of others' wants and needs without giving ourselves up.
Many of us were taught that if others are upset with us for our choices, we are somehow responsible for their feelings. We were taught that if we continue to do something that is upsetting to another, we are wrong, bad, and selfish. When parents teach this to their children, it has nothing to do with supporting their children's highest good. It is purely about wanting to control their children into doing what the parents want them to do. When parents do this, they are the ones being selfish, while telling their children that they are the selfish ones when they don't do what the parents want. Very crazymaking!

In order to be devoted to the practice of Inner Bonding, you need to move beyond the false belief that taking loving care of yourself is selfish. You need to recognize that, not only is self-care not selfish, it is the most loving thing you can do for yourself and others. One of the greatest gifts we can give to our loved ones as well as to the world is our own happiness. Our happiness takes the burden off of our spouses, parents, children, and friends, to try to make us happy. People who love us - rather than people who just want to use us - want us to be happy and if we are not taking responsibility for our own happiness, then others might feel responsible for us. So taking loving care of ourselves and making ourselves happy is the opposite of selfish!

Our happiness also contributes much to our planet. Our happiness, peace and joy have a very high frequency, and therefore contribute to raising the overall frequency of our planet. In fact, I believe that our true happiness contributes more to our planet than anything else we can contribute! Imagine what our world would be like if everyone took responsibility for their own happiness and wellbeing! Since harming others never creates happiness and inner peace, our world would become a peaceful place if we each took responsibility for our own happiness and wellbeing.



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[Gennee]

Ladyinred, you make some excellent points, all of which I agree with. I also believe that Robertson is wrong in saying that gay people are hedonistic. One of the myths is that gay, lesbian, bi, and transgender people are only interested in sex which is totally false.

I don't believe that our spirituality has to do with fitting in with the status quo. It is to serve God and others. We can also do things that make us happy. There's nothing wrong with doing the things we enjoy. I also believe that it is wrong to force someone to conform to something that is not natural to them or in their best interests. From what I've heard and read, reparative therapy has done more harm than good. A question I ask is why is is so important to these people that everyone has to be straight?

Ever since I can out four years ago I've never been happier. I'm being my true self, not what someone says I'm suppose or have to be. THe happiest people are those doing the tings they love and being who they really are.

Great post, Lady. Thank you for sharing it.

Gennee

[turquoise]

thanks for the article - i was raised by a very narcissitic mother - who called me selfish all the time so i grew old thinking i only thought about myself even tho the opposite was reality - i amjust dealing with finding out that i'm not what my mother told me i was.

[hippiechick13]

Yeah, I got that selfish thing a lot from my mother. My grandma has heart problems and has been putting off her needed double bypass. My mother who didn't accept me told me that if I came out of the closet that I was being selfish. She said my grandma would freak out and I would give her unneeded stress, which all could lead to her having a heart attack. And my mom looked me in the face and told me, "And if you kill my mother I will never forgive you. You will no longer be my daughter."

So I struggled with it for awhile. I was very unhappy being in the closet but I didn't want to be selfish. I didn't want to kill my grandma. (Struggling with this when I was 18.)

But I'm completely out now.. Everyone knows about me, even my grandma. My family doesn't accept me but I don't live at home so I can be myself. Which makes me sooo happy.

[ladyinred]

Genee , you might find this article interesting as well. It explains alot about religious fundamentalism.
http://www.eoni.com/~visionquest/library/biblesnot.html