Hello my name is Alyssa..

[hippiechick13]

I'm 20.

Lesbian.

I identify currently as an Agnostic Atheist who practices some Buddhist principles. lol I know, right? But I love studying religion. It fascinates me.

Live right outside of Cleveland, Ohio, in a city called Euclid. Haven't lived here long. Only since June.

I've kind of had a difficult life in regards to my sexuality. I was out to my mom since my Junior year in high school as bi.. but around Senior year I realized I was kidding myself. lol

But my mom didn't accept me. She's a really conservative Christian. Goes to a Church of God church. This past year she has really discovered her faith and turned in to one of those bible thumpers. lol We only discussed my sexuality about once or twice since I came out to her. She told me I was going to hell. I tried to point out the invalidity of her arguement. I think I got her to think a bit.. but I'm not sure.

Flash forward to this year. In September I met this girl. Fell in love with her. The only problem was she lived in Ohio and I lived in Michigan. Well, on a trip to go visit her I ended up telling my mom what I was doing. She was out of the house when I left and I left her a letter telling that I was seeing a girlfriend. My mom flipped. That night canceled me off her family cell phone plan so I had no phone. Told me I was kicked out. Which surprised me because up unto this point my mom never seemed like the type of person who would do that to me. Oh well.

Well I went and saw my girlfriend. Had a blast. Came back up and had to look for a place to live. Spent a week with my cousin then my grandma contacted me. I talked to her and she took me in because she was worried about me. I had a cold.

Well that lasted till about June until I went down with my dad and one of my brothers to go to Cedar Point. My girlfriend met me there. Came back up my mom found out, contacted my grandma, and my grandma kicked me out of the house.

So I moved to Ohio.. Lived here since June. Love living near a big city. My family has resumed talking to me because I believe they realized there is only one of me in this world, and they don't want to lose contact. They still don't accept me but progress is progress.

The only thing is after 11 months of dating, my gf recently broke up with me over some demons I am battling. Not literal.. lol Just some inner battles. Ok. I'll just say why, I have a history of cutting. I'm pretty much over it now but I slip up every so often. I had promised her that I would stop. I slipped up about 3 weeks ago and told her, she broke up with me.

So this year has been pretty rocky for me but I'll get through it. I'm a positive person. Plus I'm grateful. It could be a lot worse. A lot of people have it worse then me. I have a roof over my head, clothes on my back, and food in my belly. So all is well with me.

What is starting to get me through all this is I am starting to get involved in activism for the LGBT community. I could never do that when I was living at home so I am taking advantage of that. Doing something positive with my life is really starting to get the smiles back on my face. I always strive to as Gandhi said, "Be the change that you wish to see in the world." That is my personal motto btw.

Well anyways sorry that this is so long. Didn't mean for it to be. But that is me, once you get me going I can't stop. lol Well I look forward to getting to know you all. I love making new friends.

-Alyssa

[Gennee]

Hi Alyssa and welcome to the forum. I'm sorry about what happened with your family. It's very nice that they have chosen to stay in contact with you. Like you said, it's progress. You have a positive attitude and that's great. I also like your name.

Gennee

[BruceChris]

Oh, my, Alyssa, but you do live in some interesting times

BC

[alphie]

Welcome. I am glad you found this site. We are praying for you. I hope your family will come around soon.
Peace from a fellow Ohio lesbian

[prairielesbian]

Welcome to Soul Force Alyssa, and thanks for sharing your story with us - we all have a story to tell....

I live only about 10 mins from Euclid - Yup, another Ohioian.

Peace,

Teresa <><

[drallan]

Hi Alyssa!

Welcome to the forum!

Have a Blessed week!

Take care,

Allan x

[LesBePure]

Welcome to the Forum! Great to see you searching for truth in religion. www.lesbepure.com might be a resource for you.

[turquoise]

i too cut especially when i'm dealing with family issues, mostly. i've stopped (for now) with alot of help from my therapist - i couldn't do it alone - i'd encourage you to see someone to deal with your issues. as my therapist continually says, "there are better ways to deal with pain than cutting," try them at least first. no one needs to be in that much inner pain.

[Jennifer5]

Welcome Alyssa
It sounds like it's been a hard year. I'm glad that your family is talking to you. Life does get very challenging at times, but I can't imagine being kicked out of the house. You're very strong. I look forward to getting to know you better, if you need someone to chat with let me know.

[antiochian]

Hi there and welcome! Family can make life tough for us, especially when they will not support and affirm us for religious reasons. My mother took nearly a decade to accept my sexual orientation. Others still don't, and we just avoid talking about it, which is sad because I feel like there's a part of me they don't know.

It sounds like you've been through some rough times, but at least you're remaining positive. That's so important! I'm a negative person by nature, and changing those thought patterns is a gradual process.

Best wishes and bright blessings.