Hello my name is Charlie

[cmellard]

I find it hard to live in a world that condemns me for something I did not choose, do not have control over and cannot change.* It's like being condemned for being left handed or having blue eyes.* A Christian friend said God wants more and better for you than homosexuality.* That was a huge condemnation of me.* I am a homosexual.* You were saying God wants more and better than me.* If that is the case, why did God make me gay?* I didn't know what to call it, but I new I was gay in grammar school.* I played house with the girls while the boys played sports.* Once I hit puberty I found myself sexually attracted to other boys.* While they were interested in girls, dated girls, talked about girls, held hands and kissed in public, I had to hide who I was.* From my earliest memory I had to lie about who I was and who I was attracted to.* I was not allowed to be honest, date people I wanted to date, etc.* I don't understand why I married.* I knew it was wrong, but I couldn't figure out how to get out of it.* I loved my wife, but was not attracted to her sexually.* My drinking came from the pain and conflict I was feeling about who I was.* During high school many times I wished I were dead.* That would have been better than being homosexual.* I spend years trying to be straight.* I went to Exodus, had hands laid on me and people prayed for me.* When nothing changed, they told me I was too cerebral which meant that I was doomed.* I would never measure up.* I could not talk to anyone about any of this.* I went to seminary in an effort to change, but it only got worse.* I was totally alone with nobody to talk to.* So I have finally rejected the right-winged lies and accepted what science has been saying for the last half century--that there is nothing abnormal about being gay.* It is a normal variation of creation similar to blue eyes and left handedness.* I was thrilled to meet my partner and finally allow my wife to marry a straight man who would love her in every way. *

Today I am happy with who I am and the choices I have made.* I no longer have to lie or deny who I am.* I love my life with my gay partner.* I was meant to be in a relationship with a man.* But when Christians condemn me for being something I had no choice in and that cannot be changed, I am greatly offended.* I was told I am very black and white--another of their condemnations.* Yes, I am black and white.* I know now that God makes straight and God makes gay.* A gay person can no more become straight than a straight person can become gay.* Science has proven this with hundreds of studies.* Movements like Exodus are very harmful because they tell a vulnerable, hurting young man that who he is is wrong and that he has to change--which has been shown to be impossible.* Suicide among gay teens is much higher than straight teens.* This comes from the condemnation they feel from right-winged Christians who misinterpret and misapply the Bible.* It is these same Christians who used to Bible to justify slavery, relegate women to a second class position in society, and imprisoned Galileo for believing the earth was round and revolved around the sun.

My brother used to call me queer.* All through school I was called sissy, faggot and queer.* I'm tired of it.* I want to be accepted for who I am without ridicule or condemnation.

[BenL]

Welcome, Charlie. I'm glad you found us.

You've come to the right place to be accepted as who you are. Soulforce exists primarily to counter the hateful use of religion to relegate gay folks like us to secondary, outsider status, both in church and in civil society.

Maturity, as you no doubt know, gives people the clarity to be able to celebrate their identity, to be happy in their own skin. I had many the same thoughts and experiences growing up that you did. Now I thank God daily for making me gay. I wouldn't want to live as anyone else but who I am. My only regret is all the time I wasted trying to be someone who I could never be. But that struggle also gave me strength in the end.

I hope you'll read the different forums and chime in with your unique perspective. As the show tune says, "Consider yourself part of the family."

[Pablo Rafael]

Hi Charlie,

Glad you have found your way to the forums.

The freedom to be what God has created us to be is a very liberating thing. No one should ever have to think less of themselves because they are gay. God thinks no less of us. I think God loves diversity; it is shown in all of creation.

Science has been bringing forth more and more evidence that one's sexual orientation is not a choice. But even if it were a choice, it would not be a bad choice to be gay, nor would it be a sin.

Welcome!

Tu Amigo, Pablo

[Gennee]

Hi Charlie and welcome. I am a transgender individual who came out fours ago at nearly age 57. I never knew what I was until then. God didn't condemn me because this is the way he created me.

Charlie, no matter what society or religion says, God created you the way you are. This is a great site where you'll meet some lovely folks.

Gennee

[pianoplayer66]

WOW! What a wonderful ending. We have almost the same life. Only, I am still married and patiently waiting for the day (4 years) when all my kids are out of the house and I can safely leave my wife. Actually she is ready for that also even though she doesn't know I am gay. It is people like you that tell their story that give others like me HOPE! Thank You!

At this time I have a wonderful friend that I sincerely hope will be my life long partner when I am no longer married. In the mean time, he is a God-send for me to talk to.

Why am I waiting? We all have our reasons for the time we take action in our lives and what is right for one may not be right for the other. But I love my kids and being able to be with them as they grow. We are all musicians and if I were not here in the house, it would drastically deminish the time and events that I would be able to share with them. Amazingly, even though my wife would like a divorce right now, she understands my needs to be with our kids and has agreed to postpone a divorce until our last child is out of the house in 4 years. I am blessed for this understanding!

I am 43 and have lived with this for over 30 years. I think I can wait a few more, although it is very hard at times.

So, Thank You for giving others hope and a light at the end of the tunnel.

[dsdrane]

Hi Charlie!

I never did marry (a woman) or try an ex-gay "ministries", but I do understand the whole "square peg" feeling -- as just about every person here can...even the straight ones!

I'm glad you, not only found your way through all the trials, but also found us. Your story is hardly unique. Re-reading your "hello" message, I do find issue with one thing: nothing is black and white.

I'll give you an example. As far as I can figure, I'm a "Kinsey 6". Forgive me if you know this, but Alfred Kinsey came up with a scale, based on his research in the 50s, with "6" being the gayest of gay. That's me. In other words, I have NO heterosexual sexual attraction. Zippo. Nada. Platonically, I appreciate a beautiful woman as much as anyone else. Does this translate into wanting to sleep with her? No, not at all. HOWEVER, God in God's wisdom created everything in between. Sexuality should be seen as a spectrum with extremes at both ends and lots of messy/wonderful in-betweens in the middle. Add in transgender feelings, and you have a whole 'nother dimension. In other words, God created sexualities that may make "gay vs. straight" seem black and white, but in fact, we're all shades of grey.

[drallan]

Hi Charlie!

And a very warm welcome to Soulforce!

Take care,

Allan x

Believe in yourself and there will come a day when others will have no choice but to believe with you.

[Dink63]

Adding a warm welcome, Charlie....what a beautiful introduction. I wish I'd thought to express myself so eloquently!

[quentin.lewis1]

thank you will you help me out

[celestial_rain]

Welcome Charlie!
I hope you find the soulforce forums to be a loving, welcoming, and supportive group. I know I have!

Hi Quentin, welcome to the forums. What do you need help with?