michael4justice

[michael4Justice]

Hey whatsup !?!!! Almost sorry 4 being a little Long winded but you just cant tell a story like mine in just a few words, so plz. bare with me...& so first of all I Dont want to come off @ all as though Im Preaching, Cuz, Really Im not---Its just that Ive seen Sooo much GRAVE INJUSICES done in/by "the mainstream religious church" of today who Really Seem to "Think or Beleive" that they are Actually "Doing God a Service" By Using His Word even as WEAPONS OF MASS DESTRUCTION -that Ive JUST GOT to Share a Few thoughts & a little of my Rather Dramatic experience of "Coming to terms with myself" Coming Home...I Am a middle aged Married Bi-sexual white male & I have been a Bi-sexual all my life since I was a child, For I have been aroused/attracted and have sexually desired Both sexes- yes, BOTH SEXES! So My point would be that I am not at all confused about my Orientation or Who I am (For I have diligently examined/Cross examined myself with Rigorous honesty for several years) & I am Who I am-Bi-sexuals ARE WHO WE ARE! -But for many years I Lived a Lie,Misleading & Very Deceitful / Not being Honest with myself or Anyone else of Who I really was/Hating myself & who/what I was, Internalizing (Torn between TWO Identities & actually Loving while @ the same time Hating "the best of both worlds") -With alot of Self Hatred Rejection & Condemnation and I became a Serious "Black out drinkin/druggin Dr. Jeckyll/Mr hyde alcaholic/drug addict" (way out of control) Saying & or doing things, I would have NEVER have said or done , "hadnt I had taken that First drink! And I was sucked Deeply into the "Quicksands of a Very Self Destructive Lifestyle of alcaholism & drugs & so I couldnt live With,& Couldnt live Without out alcahol cuz -I Hated myself & the Deceptive Misleading lifestyle I was leading,,(felt so dirty inside-unacceptable to God,/unacceptable to myself) & Finally, - I couldnt live like that anymore or go on with all the tragic "Morning afters" of things that were happein to me & I just couldnt go on like That anymore!?!!! & Soooo, in 1985 I really began to aggressively "Come to terms" with who I am & try to "take hold" of sobriety & a better quality of life through the program of of "Alcaholics Anonymous" & I would Also Go to church alot also, And I began to hungrily search God out for myself & Search the scriptures & See for myself --If-- it was in fact- "Really True"-- what these "Traditional Mainstream church leaders" was Sayin about "Homosexuality" G.L.B.T"s & find out for myself/By myself who God REALLY was,-Is or Wasnt!?!!! And I had fallin down much along the way,But by the Grace of God, I kept getting back up And God really just began many years back to Totally Open My Eyes about Who & How Awesomely Good God really is & also How Great & How Extensively Deep & Infinate is His Great Love & Mercy & Great Grace to Alll people alll across the board & Alll walks of life!?!!! And so In 1995 I heard about a "Powerful Move of God in pensacola Fla called the "Brownsville Revival" where people were coming from All Over The World for five years to wait in lines several thousand long to get into this church to "This Outpouring of the Holy Spirit" & After being there for about like 21 services(even though I dont agree with alot of the assembly of God doctrines Of legalism) -God Still Just powerfully touched my life there to say the least! Im Still not a Saint or by any means "have I fully arrived" & I Still struggle/deal with issues BUT He has takin MANY things Out of my life that was "Wrong with me" or "unacceptable" But the "bisexuality REMAINED-& He has remained with me just the same!!! Even though for many years Ive "fasted & prayed" that God would "REMOVE THIS FROM ME"!?!!! But Ive now been Clean & Sober "Happy,Joyous & Free" for over 14 years now & I could Just say Sooo much about the Goodness of God & all Hes done for me even after being shot at on one occasion in the 80's & shot down in the head on another (All While in the middle of a "blackout)It wasnt "Good Luck" that kept me alive cuz I didnt HAVE any good luck,-It was the hand of a Living,loving merciful God that preserved my life even as He has Many Others on this line, And today I just Love & Accept Myself Even as Almighty God, I Know-Loves & Accepts me & "Is With me, For me & Not against me today" & I Now know for a fact beyond any shadow of doubt that Gods Goodness mercy and Grace & His Great love is For alll People from every walk of life from even the Highest Mountain to the lowest valley- Every Tongue Tribe & Nation (FOR REAL!)--Yes! Even Especially for the "Rainbow Nation" ...-("The church") If you will--- Really Needs to put down their Stones And God is moving in His "church" today even as to Open Their Eyes and Heal their Blindness,...And Blindness is exactly what it all Is,- on their part...But God has Totally opened my eyes through A Serous Series or Amount of Pain which has Caused me Over the years to Desperately search the scriptures & Search God out for myself, By myself In an All Out Desperate attempt to "Take hold of a Power Greater than myself, That Would Do For Me What I Could Not Do For Myself even as Im an "Ordained Minister of Grace" today & My wife knows/Always has known that Im BI & And when I finally got real & honest & came to a place in my life where I knew that I knew that I Know...that God is a God INCLUSION & Not OF Hatred, REJECTION or Condemnation to Anybody Anywhere about Anything, I Was then able to Really take Hold of long term sobriety and a much better Quality of Living, Recovery & life!!!! And I Really Am living better today than I Ever Have!So today I have Peace with myself & with MY God And Now Today,Im not one bit ashamed or embarassed or confused of WHO I AM or even that "I love God! It was a long Hard road out of Hell for me I try to Humbly but Boldly let my light SHINE b-4 men & paint the picture with Great intensity a God that is absolutely GOOD who is Not at all a God of "Partiality & Favortism"!?!!! & The Same scriptures that allegedly condemn "homosexuality" ARE MORE SO from Genesis 2 Revelation Way more "CRYSTAL CLEAR" About "HYPOCRISY" & "JUDGING PEOPLE" about things they know Nothing at all about!?!!! The Real Church is called to a "ministry of Reconciliation" as the scriptures say and Not to a ministry of EXCLUSION & Marginalization or Outright Hatred & Rejection!?!!! AND so I live in Nashville Tn & TODAY even though I am happily married, I Am also still Bisexual & (Comfortable in my own skin with that) even though I still sleep with a couple guys Just being who I really am its ok Im ok youre ok were all ok--- I live my bisexual life with Integrity. I dont let myself or Anybody else Judge,throw stones @ me anywhere, anymore about anything or let condemnation Or False Guilt RENT SPACE in my head Anymore- Period!!! I know that I am a Beloved child of God today & I can stay Clean & sober & live comfortably in my own skin & thats good enough for me & thats all that matters! Because WHO I am is NOT DETERMINED by what or who Other people think/say I am, But Only by what GOD thinks/says WHO I AM is All that matters to me in my life today!!! So today I Just wanna Stand Against "Spiritual Violance & Grave injustices In this land & just reach out to OUTCASTS like myself & numerous masses who have been WOUNDED by "the mainstream church" of today! With a STRONG message of GODS Love mercy & Grace---I Really Like what someone else said on this line when he commented that "Real christianity ' is not so much @ all In- "What we beleive",--But it is most importantly in HOW WE TREAT OTHER PEOPLE "With the LOVE OF GOD--Thats the ticket!!! Sorry if I come off too strong or if I offended anyone But I really Do think it is both the time & the season in this day & age as for many to Really Stand up & be Bold & even "Come Off STRONG with where it pertains to EQUALITY & JUSTICE & with a message that "There Is A Solution"!!! I hope my story was to someone--a bit of Strong encouragement, strength & hope to Someone during these holiday season I Love you all to The Max even as God universal loves us alll!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!"God Grant me the Serenity,-to ACCEPT the things I CANNOT change,-Courage to change the things I CAN & the Wisdom to Know the difference ...............Thanks 4 listenin!!! PEACE

[BenL]

Welcome to the Soulforce forums, Michael, and congratulations on your 14-plus years of sobriety. You have traveled a tough road. You've come to the right place to have your total self affirmed and lifted up. Not everyone here is Christian, but everyone I know would support you on you journey. Living free of the shackles of addiction and homophobia (or biphobia, in your case) makes a person feel so alive, doesn't it?

Welcome again. We're happy you're here.

[michael4Justice]

Thank you so much for your kind reply--Sorry I thought every one on here was"christian" ( I was having a "Blonde moment"-SORRY!) But yes---Inner violance & war is exactly what it was as an understatment--But now I wanna stand AGAINST Spiritual Violance & Injustice...I sure would like to know more how i can join hands & Lift up my voice in Nashville...Michael 4justice

[Pablo Rafael]

Yo, Michael,

Do you have something against blondes?! I am going to tell you a thing or two. What? Well I was blonde when I had hair. It still is blonde around the edges.

Seriously though, thanks for sharing your story. You make some really good points. The Bible is indeed about love and unconditional acceptance and love, both BY God and in OUR response to that love.

It is good to have you on the forums. Please join in our discussions.

Tu Amigo, Pablo

[tymejumper]

Hello Michael. Congrats on being sober so long. My wife will just be celebrating 7 years sober. We have many different religions here so all are welcome and all opinions are welcome also. Welcome to the forums and please dont hesitate to join in the discussion.

[Gennee]

Welcome to the forum, Michael. Congratulations on your 14 years of sobriety. This is an interesting site where you'll meet many different kinds of people.

Gennee