Eddie

[ehutchison]

I wish I knew something clever to write...but I don't. I'm sitting here in my home feeling very alone and confused at the moment. Part of the loneliness comes from actually being alone (albeit temporarily), but the biggest part of the loneliness comes from the alienation I feel right now. I grew up in and consistently attended, until about 8 months ago, a very conservative fundamentalist church; therefore, my homosexuality was not possible because I was a Christian (still am, I think). Not that I was living the "lifestyle", but the desires were there and that made me feel like a hypocrite. After many years of Christian counseling and ex-gay counseling and shoving my sexuality down so deep that I almost completely lost sight of it, I began attending some LGBT meetings via a Catholic ministry in my neighborhood. I wish I could say all is great now, but I cannot. There are so many conflicting messages regarding being a Christian and gay that I don't know what to believe. I do know that no matter how hard I have prayed, fasted, denied myself, talked, read, etc., my sexuality has not changed. As they say, "It is what it is!"...whatever that is.

Anyway, I just would like someone to talk to who understands and will listen, but that is so hard to find these days, so I'm writing on this website instead. I'm in search of the TRUTH and the PEACE that comes from knowing the truth. The truth is out there! (X-files fan)

[BenL]

Eddie,

I am a little older than you ... 65, to be exact. That means I grew up with even harsher sanctions against my same-sex attractions. I also came from a religious family, so besides the criticism society meted out, I had to endure "hell and brimfire" as well.

I'm here to tell you that that it is possible to be Christian (a follower of Jesus Christ, trying your best to be Christ-like) and still be gay. If you remember the Gospel stories, Jesus always befriended the people on the margins of his society and not those who held the power. His primary message, I believe, was love and not damnation. His focus was to INclude people in his kingdom, not to EXclude them.

Can it be that our sexuality is a God-given part of us? I believe it is. In fact, I thank God daily for making me gay for all kinds of reasons, not the least of which is that from the margins I can appreciate more the love God in Christ has bestowed on me.

Eddie, you are not alone. You could find a whole new family of people here at Soulforce.

[Pablo Rafael]

Hi Eddie,

I know exactly where you are coming from and what you are talking about. I have had experiences and feelings that are in ways similar to yours.

I say most definitely that you can be gay and Christian. There is no reason to have to choose, nor is their any reason one can't be both. As long as I remember, I have been a Christian, and my faith has always been a big part of my life. I am currently a happily open gay man in a wonderful welcoming Episcopal church.

I went through several steps. The first was actually admitting to myself I was gay. The next was coming to the realization that it was OK to be gay, and the third was "coming out". The real struggle I had to face was in my own mind. I found external forces to be of little consequence. Being openly gay has been easy for me, and I have encountered almost no negativity.

There are a lot of conflicting messages out there. But if you are like me, you know in your heart that there is nothing wrong with being gay. The religious groups that are so anti-gay really have no basis for that stance. A close look at the Bible brings forth no condemnation of being gay. In order for a church or group to take an anti-gay position, it must make a choice to interpret the Bible in a homophobic way. It is much easier to interpret the Bible in a spirit of love and say that God's grace is for all. All are welcomed in the family of God.

If you are a reader, you will find there are a lot of good books on the subject. The Children Are Free by Jeff Miner is good. Is the Homosexual my Neighbor? by Letha Dawson Scanzoni is also excellent. A rather weightier and more scholarly book that I found very helpful in my faith life in general was The Good Book by Peter Gomes.

I also prayed and argued with God to make me straight. He didn't give me what I asked; instead he gave me something better - the freedom to be who he created me to be.

I have known so many people who grew up in fundamentalist churches that have had a terrible struggle getting rid of the negativity and self-loathing that stems from anti-gay teaching. My boyfriend went through (and to an extent still is going through) a break from the old fundamentalist mindset of his youth.

And I am rambling on quite extensively here on my own story. I will bring it to a close.

My advice is don't let the gay/Christian - either/or mentality get in the way of being the person that God has created you to be. Letting go of the old prejudices is freeing. I recommend grabbing hold of that freedom that we have through Christ.

Tu Amigo, Pablo