I need advice...

[Jordan0517]

Okay Bare with me, I have quite a lot on my mind and this could end up being a long post lol. So here it goes... I met this guy named Kyle and I like him. And he likes me too. He just got out of a relationship (of 6 years) recently. .He seems like an interesting guy and whatnot but im worried about a few things. His personality is almost total opposite of mines in a lot of whats. Kyle's very daring and always on the go. He likes outdoors and doing crazy stuff. He's so carefree about everything! Nothing seems to bother him at all. He's pretty confident in himself and insists that hes not going to change for ANYONE. Now me on the other hand, I am pretty chill and reserved. I don't take risks unless I know the outcomes. I'm pretty shy and extremely careful about everything. I think i'm pretty boring and needless to say, im not a very confident person neither. Also, hes 5"5 and Im 6"1 (which is different for me becuase i usually date guys at least around my height or taller). Im scared to date him because his personallity intimidates me. Im afraid that I may not be able to handle him Hes got more life expereince and hes done some crazy stuff (like he & his ex had sex in a club in front of everyone!). What should I do? Give him a chance and see how it turns out? iI tend to get very attached to someone quickly and I also have a jealous streak in me (maybe because I dont want anyone to leave me for someone better). I also dont deal with rejection well. I think its ME with the problems. *sighs*. Any advice??

[keltic63]

Live your life!

and it sounds like you really want to get on the ride with Kyle, so I say, go for it. sometimes the person that we fall in love with is so totally opposite of who we are that we think it can't possibly work. you may find, however, that you 2 complement each other in ways you can't see right now. just from what you've written, I'd say you want to experience that spontaneity in your life, and it sounds like Kyle could stand some of your grounding in his.

Date. enjoy yourself. see where it goes. you're not marrying the guy (at least, not yet!)

[koneill08]

Jordan,

My partner and I are opposites. I'm the low key, would rather stay at home reading books and watching tv type. I like outdoor stuff, but all the time can be too much too. My partner on the other hand is an adrenaline junkie and likes to take uncalculated risks. From experience, if you relax and just enjoy the person and go along for the ride, and hopefully your new friend will do the same with you, you can find balance between the two extremes. I agree with Keltic, it can be very grounding for your friend, and get you into new experiences and out of your comfort zone where you enjoy things you might not have ever tried on your own. I say take it one day at a time, and just see where it takes you. Allow yourself to be stretched out of your box, and if it gets too far out, have the conversations with him and see how well he respects your limits. If you take it slow this way, you won't get more attached than you can handle at a time. The fear of abandonment is an issue you'll have to work hard on because it could be that anyone you are in a relationship with will trip that trigger, so to speak. And every disagreement will bring that fear up. It's hard work. But it is worth it and you'll have fun and feel good about yourself that you stretched your wings and tried new things that you might end up liking.

Good luck!

[Daniel]

Perhaps one thing to keep in mind is that a relationship is like a dance. Sometimes you lead. Sometimes he leads.

It's great when we can let our partner's be good at what they are good at, and do what makes them happy. And if that challenges us, and takes us out of our comfort zone, that can be a very good thing. What are relationships for anyway? It's the difference between living in a small circle or a big one. The bigger it gets the scarier it can be.

And if there is love and laughter, so much the better.

Yes. Live your life!

[BrianB]

It sounds like you could be good for each other. Kyle might be able to get you to take a few risks. Then you might be able to get him to think before he does something really dangerous or foolish. It might be just what both of you need. I say relax and let things progress naturally. In other words, just reinterating what Daniel said.

[celestial_rain]

I pretty much agree with what they've all said. My girlfriend and I are also complete opposites-but there are more similarities than what first meets the eye. You may seem like polar opposites at first, but I'm sure you will find more in common than you think. Besides, its about caring for eachother because of and in spite of your differences-if we were all the same life would be pretty boring! : ) I say give it a shot, if its what you want to do then go for it.

[scott snedeker]

This is a chance to experience polyamory (loving intimately more than one person) If you like it or if you don't at least you have not gone to your grave without ever trying being a little wild when you are young!

I for one feel there is too much pressure and intense urgency to be Ward and John Cleaver to avoid angering the oppressive "Straight Sensitivity Police"

Focus on your joy, ignore the valueless opinions of the short-sighted.

[snuka12000]

Honey, you only have one life to live. Why not take a risk every now and then? Also, they say that opposites attract. It sounds like this could be a very exciting adventure for you. You should step outside of your comfort zone and gave a relationship with Kyle a try. If it works out then great. If it doesn't work out then you can walk away. Dating is not being married.

Live life! Take some chances and risks sometimes. Kyle could bring excitement, passion and adventure to your life. Kyle could teach you some things. It sounds like it could be fun!

[Jennifer5]

Originally Posted by Jordan0517

Okay Bare with me, I have quite a lot on my mind and this could end up being a long post lol. So here it goes... I met this guy named Kyle and I like him. And he likes me too. He just got out of a relationship (of 6 years) recently. .He seems like an interesting guy and whatnot but im worried about a few things. His personality is almost total opposite of mines in a lot of whats. Kyle's very daring and always on the go. He likes outdoors and doing crazy stuff. He's so carefree about everything! Nothing seems to bother him at all. He's pretty confident in himself and insists that hes not going to change for ANYONE. Now me on the other hand, I am pretty chill and reserved. I don't take risks unless I know the outcomes. I'm pretty shy and extremely careful about everything. I think i'm pretty boring and needless to say, im not a very confident person neither. Also, hes 5"5 and Im 6"1 (which is different for me becuase i usually date guys at least around my height or taller). Im scared to date him because his personallity intimidates me. Im afraid that I may not be able to handle him Hes got more life expereince and hes done some crazy stuff (like he & his ex had sex in a club in front of everyone!). What should I do? Give him a chance and see how it turns out? iI tend to get very attached to someone quickly and I also have a jealous streak in me (maybe because I dont want anyone to leave me for someone better). I also dont deal with rejection well. I think its ME with the problems. *sighs*. Any advice??

I'm 19 and have never dated because I am afraid. Again and again, I fall for people who I thought were all wrong for me. The reality is, it has nothing to do with them. I still don't date because of this stupid fear that I don't understand. My advice would be; don't let fear of rejection hold you back.

[drobs]

I agree with everyone else, give it a try. Might turn into something, might not.

My partner and I are some what different. He's flamboyant, I'm masculine, he's artsy, I'm outdoorsy, he's more of a free spirit, I'm more calculating. Key thing is we enjoy being together.

[noelle]

Hey so not that this matters, but just so you know, I am a straight female but I have had similar situations before. Like you, I am very reserved and do not take risks unless I am sure I know it will turn out well. So I know the fear that you're feeling because I have been there. But I also know what regret feels like, and I have had several instances where I have given up the chance to be with a great guy because of fear or being too shy.

Recently, I had the chance to date a guy who is the exact opposite of me and I didn't take that chance and I do regret it because I think you can learn a lot by dating someone that is a little outside of your comfort zone. And hey if all else fails just go by the saying, "opposites attract!"

Anyways I would say go for it because life is too short to not take risks! Good luck and God Bless you!