A very bad date

[BrianB]

It was gay pride day in Dayton. The day started out really good. I was feeling wonderful. Then headed out to the pride event downtown. There were the usual protesters with picket signs shouting crap about everyone there going to hell. That didn't bother me. It means we were doing our job. I had a really good time and saw people that I hadn't seen for years.

I had tickets for the Dayton Gay Men's Chorus that evening. My bi' girlfriend was supposed to meet me before the concert for dinner. We met at Uno's Pizza. The food was good the conversation was lousy. She was talking about all her ex lovers and how badly they treated her. Then she went into a diatribe about the fact that at least I didn't abuse her. If only I had a job. She would marry me. I don't want to marry the woman! We were engaged before and it didn't work out. She is bossy, opinionated, stubborn and thinks she knows it all. I tried several times to change the subject but she just wanted to talk about her exes. I should have left her but didn't want to cause a scene. That is the last time I ask her to anything. Besides there is a cute guy that I have talked to a few times. He used to work at Goodwill but now I don't know where he works. The next time I see him I will ask him out. There is a gay film festival coming up. I'm going to ask him out to that. Wish me luck.

[Tallit]

Good luck, hope you have a great time at the film festival. After 15 yrs in a relationship, I'd hate to be single again!

[Tallit]

Good luck, hope you have better time at the film fest.

[Daniel]

Well Brian- that was some date.

I heard a phrase the other day that is coming to mind here. It was passed on to me by a friend. We were yakking about relationships, issues and problems, and he said that his therapist gave him him the following phrase.

And now this!

What it means is that one of the best things we can do for ourselves and others is to focus on the present moment and now this, which, of course, your friend has a hard time doing.

I try to remind myself of this when I get in a jam and can't get out. And the jam usually has everything with being stuck in the past or being upset about a future that hasn't arrived yet. But being in the here and now? It's usually not so bad.

It takes some courage to be in the here and now, and deal with what is, rather than what was, or the fantasy of a future.

The other part of 'and now this' is having the courage to deal with things as they present themselves. And that can be hard when are chains are pulled. It's hard to be compassionate with someone what they are acting out. Really hard.

It's equally hard to be compassionate towards ourselves when we want to rip someones face off.

And now this.

But it can be done.

[BrianB]

Daniel, I really like this quote from Kung Fu Panda about the present. "Yesterday is history. Tomorrow is a mystery. Today is a gift. That is why it's called the Present." - Oogway - Sometimes that is a hard thing to remember...being in the present. Your mind wants to replay mistakes from the past or worry about the future. Cjompassion is one thing but not getting sucked back into the old drama is another thing. Some people you have to love from afar.

[stav]

hey there brian,

It's hard to know what you want from me/us from your post - because it sounds to me you have all your own answers - "some people you have to love from afar".

I have one friend, an old friend, who I stuck it out for, despite the 'warning Will Robinson--Danger!' that blares out at me when I'm with him. His mum was killed when he was 8. It left him with major scars, and so, from time to time he gets like a bear with a sore head, and roars like Smaug the dragon on a bad-hair day. After scorching me with Linda-Blair style green goo and tacks--as his head rotates on his body--I retreat to my cave and put the ripped patches of skin back on that he ripped off and left on the sidewalk.

But--he's worth it, because he always cleans up after his spills. I'm a better person for sticking with him and learning to 'get' him and when to 'go deaf' on him.

He doesn't sound like your (very) deaf and self-invovlved friend--deaf 24 7 365. I'm exhausted just imagining the meeting.

Your journies have parted ways.

--good luck with asking the cute guy out on a date--he sounds hot!

I'm reminded of a time when I was in New York City, (I live in Australia), and I had a Brady-Bunch wood-panel station wagon (it was a road trip holiday on the cheap - AWESOME FUN), and meeting a guy in a dingy bar in Grenwich Village - then - because I had a wild accent, got away with cruising in town with him in the UNcoolest car in the Universe!

He was cute too! Said I was like Mel Gibson - god bless him! Some compliments stay with you and help you heal dark moments. I loved my time in the States!

[BrianB]

Stav, the main reason I posted here was just to vent. It felt good to let someone know what happened. I also wanted to share about gay pride in Dayton. Posting here also made it set in my mind that the relationship is truly over. I can't count the times that I intended to break up with her only to end up in her bed. It's really over now. It's time to move on to the cute guy!

[stav]

Originally Posted by BrianB

Stav, the main reason I posted here was just to vent. It felt good to let someone know what happened.

thought so - i understand

I also wanted to share about gay pride in Dayton. Posting here also made it set in my mind that the relationship is truly over. I can't count the times that I intended to break up with her only to end up in her bed. It's really over now. It's time to move on to the cute guy!

thanx for ur trust - u're a star mate! (use an ozzie drawl for that one it sort of translates 'u're one of the good guyz')

i suppose i should introduce myself here at these forums as well - been meaning to do so. I've been sussing out who's who in the zoo and reading on to get the tone of my 'I'm here' post.

Cheers
stav

[Tallit]

So how did the date for the film fest. go?

[BrianB]

Originally Posted by Tallit

So how did the date for the film fest. go?

I'm having a hard time finding this guy again. he doesn't work at Goodwill any more and I don't have his number. I see him every now and then in the local shopping district. I'll have to ask around to find out if anyone has seen him recently.