Hello - not sure if you guys will like me

[mystery]

Hello everyone.

I am a seventeen-year-old-girl, and I've been reading the messages on this forum for a while, but I was scared to join.

I don't know if I agree with everything this place stands for, but it is a relief to find a place where I don't feel obliged to hate anyone.

Since I was 9, I have liked girls in a "wrong" way. I like boys too. I don't want to use the b-word about myself. The b-word scares me. I don't want to believe that I really am like that, although I probably am.

I am a Catholic. I have read what your site says aboput the Catholic Church. I don't wish to offend you, but I think it is misleading, although not intentionally so.

The basic teaching is that there is nothing wrong with these kinds of feelings, but that it is wrong to act on them. I'm not sure whether I agree with this teaching, but it's not as violent or dangerous as a lot of the teachings that are out there. There is no talk of "curing" it. I don't know if I agree with this teaching. I have given it deep thought, but I feel uncertain.

I did try to cure it in the past, but not for faith reasons. I was just sick of the feeling of having to take sides. Whenever I read something in the paper about this, I would be presented with a stark choice: hate people with these feelings, or hate Christians. This is why I like this site. There is no hate anywhere.

I felt unbearably guilty every time looking at a girl gave me those feelings. I felt like I was taking the wrong side and letting everyone down. It was really awful - I'd just feel like there was somethign twisting around my chest and I'd want to hurt myself, and I'd be angry with the girl for making me have those feelings. Somethimes I'd want to hurt the girl for that. Praying helped me to stop, but sometimes I still feel sick when I look at a pretty girl and I want to touch her. I know that God doesn't want me to feel this unhappiness. That is why I came here. Maybe one day the guilt and the self-disgust will go away, and then I can help other people who feel like this. I don't know. But I am really happy I've found this place. i feel like a whole person, which is wonderful.

So, yes, that's all I have to say...for now.

[Zerbie]

I hope this forum will live up to your expectations - I DO know we are all trying our best.

I am traveling today, but want to come back later & talk to you some more - as your story reminds me of parts of my own teen years (I'm 30 now) that I now tend to gloss over as if they didn't happen. I felt very much like you describe. I am sorry to read of your conflict - sorry about the dichotomy there seems to be between EITHER LGBT (or whatever) OR Christian.

You will find many different viewpoints here, & perhaps some will ring true to you and support you along the way.

I will say this: Don't hurry anything. There is no decision to be made, only a gradual process of discovering. . .many things. I know it sounds ridiculous from where you are emotionally right now but, DO KNOW there is nothing to feel guilty for. Feelings are only feelings. And because you feel one way now does NOT mean you will feel that way forever.

Sorry this is not my best post - I am in a hurry. I hope you'll stick around the forums, and feel free to post your questions or concerns at anytime. No matter what those questions are.

You are very welcome here, and I hope you will enjoy the forums.
Glad to have you here. I wish you all the best on your "journey," wherever it leads.

[Daniel]

Originally Posted by mystery

I know that God doesn't want me to feel this unhappiness. That is why I came here. Maybe one day the guilt and the self-disgust will go away, and then I can help other people who feel like this. I don't know. But I am really happy I've found this place. i feel like a whole person, which is wonderful.

Dear Mystery,

From what you've written above, it sounds like you know yourself better than anyone else. I'm a firm believer that the answers to our issues are pretty much right under or noses. What you intuit may indeed come to pass.

You'll find some wonderful people here who have traversed the same road that you're on, Zerbie being among them. And she is right, there's not need to hurry anything.

I hope you stick around and get used to the water. It's warm.

[jaltree]

Don't rush to judge yourself and don't rush to come to any conclusions about your sexuality.

I'm a guy, but had the same gut wrenching struggles you are having now. You are young and you have a long time to try and figure you who you are and who you want to be with. Personally, I didn't date anyone (same or opposite sex) until I was 28... yeah... a VERY late bloomer I guess, but am happy I waited until I was ready and sure about what I wanted out of life.

[BruceChris]

I just sent you a private message, that somehow ended up as part of the thread. Sorry. I hope that it got to you. Please, try very much to learn to love yourself. God loves you, I believe that all of us will reach out to you, and I care very much about how you feel about yourself. You are a beautiful child of God.

Peace and Love, Bruce Chris

[Jennifer5]

Welcome!!

[Lydia]

Welcome, Mystery.

[mystery]

Thank you everyone. Tghis is a really nice board. Sorry I haven't been around much. My computer broke. It still isn't fixed so i will have to use internet cafes from now on..

[Zerbie]

Mystery - glad to see that you're still around!

feel free to come back and post whenever.

As I already said, I've experienced many of the same feelings you've expressed in your original post, when I was roughly the same age you are now. I had to learn not to be afraid of them - ANY of them. Anyway, I think I understand a lot of what you're going through.

I wish you the best.

[Mark54]

Welcome to the forum.