Moratorium: A Crisis of Patience

[Episcopalian]

The 75th General Convention June 21 approved a resolution that calls on bishops and Standing Committees to "exercise restraint by not consenting to the consecration of any candidate to the episcopate whose manner of life presents a challenge to the wider church and will lead to further strains on communion."


I have done my best over the past two weeks not to let the events of the General Convention stir my emotions. I've tried to be objective, detached and hopeful. Up until I learned that resolution B033 (from which the above quote is derived) was passed, I was doing a pretty good job. Now, I just feel like crying.

Perhaps I should have seen this coming. Perhaps my hopefulness is naive. Or, perhaps the Lord is simply giving me another one of His "Lessons In Patience". You know - I'm growing very tired of these patience lessons. They're really getting on my nerves. And still they come and they come, over and over again. Be patient. Be patient. Change takes time.

He's relentless, God is.

I call upon anyone in the Forum who has insight into the significance of this resolution to please share your voice. Are my feelings of disappointment justified? Is this just a "temporary setback"?

In the meantime, I shall try to search out what God would have me learn through all of this. That seems to be my only chance for peace. My thoughts have grown tiresome to me; they're loud and angry, and they make me behave like a grumpy old man (ask my boyfriend). I could use a change of perspective.

[Zerbie]

Ya know what? That resolution just plain sucks. Pffffffffff!

There - ya have it - that's my highly sophisticated philosophical response.

******

I am sorry to hear of your pain and anger in reaction - but how likely was it that you would feel any other way right now? Not only am I not a member of the Episcopal church, I'm not a member of any church at all, so I can't speak from that reference point, which I know you would prefer to hear from. But I have observed how slowly change comes in history.

In my own relatively young life so far, there are times when I read anti-gay comments (or even hear them spoken aloud) that make me want to scream, "IS THIS STILL 1985?! - !?!?!?!?!?!?" And I think you are feeling a similar frustration. I know what it feels like. I know. Sometimes there is progress and other times we are weeping with anger or sorrow, or screaming and kicking in frustration. It comes and it goes.

I'm sorry you're feeling down. How else are you supposed to feel? Go ahead and grieve for a while. You'll pick back up and fight again when it's time to, you know you will.

On a somewhat different subject, we're facing an anti-gay ballot initiative here in November. I have been plunged to the eyeballs in the campaign to defeat it. Pouring my entire energies into it, seems, for 14 months so far. I really wonder at times - What on earth would I feel like if, after all that investment, the amendment were to actually pass? I am making sure not to plan anything important for that week, just in case I am not emotionally fit for leaving the house.

It only makes sense that there would be a grieving process when something is that important to you. It's totally okay that you feel angry and hurt by this resolution. Makes sense actually. There will come a time when the shock wears off and you are ready to keep on pluggin' on. And *that* over time and collectively, is where the real work of change comes from. Some day this will reach the churches. But it may not even be in our lifetimes (tho my goodness! I hope so!).

Anyway, have a hug.

(((((Episcopalian)))))

Z

[Episcopalian]

Thank you Zerbie. I appreciate the support. I will keep you in my prayers as you work to defeat the anti-gay legislation.

[Daniel]

Zerbie is right: this resolution sucks big time. I know my spouse's Rev will be very unhappy about it (he is attending the convention with his male partner). The whole things smacks of robbing Peter to pay Paul (gain a woman Bishop and let the gays hang out to dry so as to placate the Africans.) It is a concession which, to this reader, should not have been made. I think it's wrong, wrong, wrong and a step backwards. Patience? I'm sure that's in the cards, as it were, but I certainly do not like the hand that has been played here. And I can already hear the 'moderates' telling me that this is what gay people must put up with so that our rights can be advanced. What kind of twisted logic is that?

Placating the bully on the playground only makes him stronger. All this has done is given that bully more strength and shown a lack or resolve. If the church shows no moral spine, as it were, who will? When there is no real leadership- only failure results.

This resolution, aside from the doll house aspect of the whole thing, is an insult to GLBTQ persons.

Now...where the heck did I put my 'cushion'?

[suzer1013]

It is, indeed, very disappointing. I had higher hopes.

However, I thought I read this afternoon that this resolution is non-binding, and that gay bishops can, and likely will, still be appointed?

Susan

[Jamie McDaniel]

Originally Posted by Episcopalian

Or, perhaps the Lord is simply giving me another one of His "Lessons In Patience". You know - I'm growing very tired of these patience lessons. They're really getting on my nerves. And still they come and they come, over and over again. Be patient. Be patient. Change takes time.

He's relentless, God is.

I just read the Associated Press article. Very disappointing. Thank God for the United Church of Christ which showed no such "restraint" when they took their stand this time last year.

Episcopalian, I imagine the news is tougher for you with the denomination being your home and all. I don't think this is meant to be a lesson for us in patience from the Divine, however. I have to believe what Dr. King said, that God yearns to see justice roll down like a mighty stream, not trickle down like ice thawing.

[Daniel]

Originally Posted by Jamie McDaniel

I have to believe what Dr. King said, that God yearns to see justice roll down like a mighty stream, not trickle down like ice thawing.

Thank you Jamie for your sane and compassionate words. I needed to hear them.

[Liberal Crozier]

+ Frank Griswold is an amazing person - with compassion for his detractors and stood up tall and proud for +Gene Robinson and the election of +Katharine as his successor.

Last night, when the PB suggested a special session, the only outcome was to succumb to their homophobic blackmail. All the heavy guns were turned on him - i.e., all the other primates of national churches and Cantuaris and Ebor (Canterbury and York) who in turn are being "challenged" by African bishops, who contrary to all Anglican canon law, are willing to exercise " episcopal oversight" in an ECUSA diocese supportive of either women or gays, or one, or both.

The irony is that they would never have split ECUSA - not without the Anglo-Catholics assuring canonical Succession or the Evangelicals a clear connexion - however honourific - with Canterbury. They would not split without their real estate and their other buildings, holdings, or salaries. Had they been willing, they would have done it in 1976, but they stayed and sat with their lady bishops in the House of Bishops or women priests in the House of Delegates. Too much to lose - too hard to get " scarlet fever ".
It was a game of chicken, and we "blinked" first.

However, have courage. +Katharine is coming and she does not accept double meaning language. Believe me, she has the scrotal fortitude that others either lack or whose counts are in the cellar after years of fighting the right wing theocons in ECUSA.

Awakened out of an inability to sleep and the obvious frequency with urgency that affects old boys

[Zerbie]

Thanks, Crozier, for the interesting insights and perspective on this.

Kinda makes me grit down on my jaws and say Grrrrr at them, tho.

Sorry to hear you were not sleeping well. I hope that now you are - so that you can at least begin those treatments feeling rested and strong.

Daniel: that resolution is an insult to more than gay people, it's an insult to everyone. In particular to the spirit of anyone who believes in love, gentleness, talent, the light within. To parents of gay children, to our friends, as well as ourselves. Don't understate who it affects. Yea, the resolution sucketh mightily.

[NathanATX]

How about a NATIONWIDE CAMPAIGN where glbt people where a t-shirt EACH week to EVERY service and event that says:

I Am a Lesbian Christian.
Don't let the Church Abandon Me.

I Am a Gay Christian.
Don't let the Church Abandon Me.

I Am a Bisexual Christian.
Don't let the Church Abandon Me.

I Am a Transgendered Christian.
Don't let the Church Abandon Me.

I Am a Parent of a Gay Christian.
Don't let the Church Abandon My Family.

I Am the Best Friend of a Gay Christian.
Don't let the Church Abandon Those I Love.

[Daniel]

Originally Posted by Liberal Crozier

However, have courage. +Katharine is coming and she does not accept double meaning language. Believe me, she has the scrotal fortitude that others either lack or whose counts are in the cellar after years of fighting the right wing theocons in ECUSA.

According to the NYtimes, our dear Katherine voted for the resolution, despite her newfound scrotal fortitude, along with her predecessor.

http://www.nytimes.com/2006/06/22/us...=1&oref=slogin

And as one participant in the convention put it: "It's part of a long conversation. Those who wanted an up-or-down vote on gays in the episcopacy didn't get any clarity, and they're not happy. Liberals aren't happy. And gays? Well, we're being treated like bargaining chips in the game of Anglican politics."

I would like to refer the reader to the words of Rev. Barbara Crafton, a wonderful writer who served at the same parish I sang at for many years. She sent this message this morning. It's right on the money.

http://www.geraniumfarm.org/dailyemo.cfm?Emo=655

[Zerbie]

NATHAN!

I LOVE YOUR IDEA!!!!!!!

Doesn't anyone else think we should totally do that????!!!!

If I were Christian, I would buy one or two of those tee shirts.

[Lydia]

Originally Posted by NathanATX

How about a NATIONWIDE CAMPAIGN where glbt people wear a t-shirt EACH week to EVERY service and event that says:

Great idea.

[Dash]

I was angry this morning...really angry. I tore across that last mile into Evanston with considerably more force and speed than usual as I poured the coals onto my bike pedals.

Not at the Church, but at my friends.

It doesn’t usually happen...I know my friends, and I’m familiar with the effect of the various buttons they can push. I anticipate, I dodge, I deflect, and I work hard at loving...because I love them with all my heart, and they are worth all the effort friendship takes.

But, I had to own the rage today. Sometimes, you have to eat what’s on your plate and trust your stomach to digest it.

The key problem with almost every adult friendship I’ve known is the same, and as one would imagine, it is rooted as much in who I am as it is in the people I choose to befriend.

I’m just not a fun person.

No, no...don’t shake your head at me, nor wag that chastising finger. I’m not talking down about myself. It’s just the truth. Actually, I always chuckle when I say it, for as true as it is, I can’t help but see a great humor in this fatal flaw in my relationships. People will generally allocate a greater portion of their time and energy into friends that are “fun” than friends that are quiet and complex...especially when life gets busy.

This morning, after a couple weeks of phoning, and emailing three of my dearest dears and getting no response, I just got mad. Once again I bit down on the hard gristly fact that the fellowship I have with (even) them will always be “at their convenience.”

Ok...maybe not “always.”

Nonetheless, it’s one of the most difficult acts I perform as I choose to love them again and again whenever I feel that I won’t get nearly as much love in return. My anger says, “Screw ‘em! I’m done! Just wait till the next time they call or email. I’m not picking up the phone! I’m not replying! They can just wonder where I am! Maybe I’ll just not talk to them at all! Maybe I should move away and not tell them where I’m going! Maybe I’ll just eat some worms and die!!! Won’t they be sorry then?!!!”

Hahah!!

Anyway, I was just thinking how similar this is to the Church. There’s no question we love it. But, oh so often we are only welcome at its convenience. And, all the burden of actually maintaining a relationship is laid upon us. We must make the choice again and again to not leave...to keep giving when we get so little support in return. We are not the relationship into which the Church will invest itself. Sometimes that’s just the way friendships are.

Originally Posted by New York Times

The resolution would then serve as "a de facto moratorium," said the Rev. Susan Russell, president of Integrity, an advocacy group for gay and lesbian Episcopalians.
...
Ms. Russell said that she was disappointed with the vote, but that gay men and lesbians would not abandon the Episcopal Church over it.

I don’t know....

I need help...strength...grace...all the stuff I’m not gonna get from the Church.

[tdogg]

Z - You could get one that said "I am a friend to many gay and lesbian Christians - Don't let the church abandon my friends!."

That would work!

[tdogg]

Dash,

Sometimes we have to look at our friendships in the light of what we are giving to it instead of what we get out of it. I can empathize with you - even in a group of my closest friends, I can feel like an outsider, someone who doesn't belong, someone who doesn't have a lot in common with these people who I consider family. Never mind my busy schedule, but oftentimes these people never seem to have time for me - I can't get 2 hours for dinner, lunch, drinks, anything! It gets frustrating.

Then I have to remember what binds me to these people, the history we have, how we helped each other thru traumatic and tough times in our lives, the laughter we shared and the tears. Concentrate on what we do have in common. And continue to wait patiently until they might have a free moment or two to spare. Unlike your friends, they are in contact via email or phone now and then. My group has the advantage of age and a nice level of maturity spread between us all. That comes with getting older, changing priorities, calming the party spirit. It takes patience and focusing on your own personal goals and paths to those goals.

Think about all the excellent talents and qualities you have to offer your friends, that could be the ties that bind them to you. It might be a matter of convenience for them (the more they need your talents and qualities, the better friends they are) - but it's a matter of heart for you and that is what keeps you coming back for more. It's not a bad thing, it's a wonderful characteristic you have, and the reason why they are still your friends and haven't completely forgotten about you.

And in those moments when it seems you have been abandoned and are lonely and screaming out - you always have us at SF - many quiet (and some not so quiet) and complex souls just looking and waiting for the fun to be had talking to Dash and sharing our innermost feelings and emotions - what's not fun about that??!! Complexity is shear joy!!

[Zerbie]

T - Great idea! I would TOTALLY wear a shirt like that. Hey Nate - add that one to the list of t-shirt slogans. I WILL buy that one. Heck I'd buy 2 so I could always have one to wear while the other's in the wash.

Dash - apt analogy.

And sorry to hear about your frustration in those friendships. For a while I read your post wondering what your friends had to do with the episcopal churchs' resolution, until I understood you were making an analogy. Yes it can certainly apply. There have been some folks who I stopped being "friends" with because things became one-sided in some way or other, like if I only heard from the person when they needed something, but they were never responsive when I did. Friendship is mutual. There is a difference between a friend and someone fun to hang around with at parties/whatever but who is not really a friend. It sounds like many of your acquaintances are looking for that fun stuff without a deep mutual friendship. That must be frustrating. Here.

[Vanessa White]

Dash: I am in the process of creating some new friendships,with people that does not tend to happen with as much, but been there, done that, had that done to me, etc. The part that rings true with me in light of the Episcopal church info is viewing the church/church community as a friendship that we give more to than get back. I do feel, deeply, let down by many a Christian community that cannot, or will not, or both, embrace me at all levels, from my awesome pastor all the way up to the higher eschelons(?) of administration of the UMC. My naive mistake in a way, when I joined the UMC two years ago, was that the friendship of my pastor was all that mattered in the end. I am not diminishing the importance that has played for me and my family- BELIEVE ME. She is totally awesome, and expresses her love and respect for us with no timidity. I took that to mean, though, that the UMC church at large could embrace us as warmly. I don't want to abandon this friendship, I want it to stay lasting, but how do we even begin to fight with higher levels of persons that hold the power to make the decisions? It hurts to my core, and yes, I am angry too- Ifeel betrayed all over again for all of our LGBTQ friends and their allies who are crying and grieving over this, as Episcopalians.

[NonLemming]

How about:

"The church abandoned me,
So I abandoned her."

?

[tdogg]

The church my parents attend - it's AG - they have no problem welcoming homosexuals into their presence - well, as long as you are intent on repenting and sign up for their EXodus Bible Study group (ex gay). The problem I have is, they may profess to love the sinner (homosexual) but then the preacher is up front preaching about the awful sin of homosexuality, how the 'mos need to repent, going to hell, etc. How is that loving the sinner when they are saying things to degrade them, make them feel unloved and unwanted by the church and God - it's difficult to separate the sinner from the sin in their voices.

Not related to GLBT, but once during a church service, the pastor brought up a high-ranking church official (elder/deacon, jr pastor, something) and indicated how this person committed grevious sin and was being demoted and how he had repented and part of that process is getting in front of the congregation and being berated by the pastor, and how wonderful it is that the guy is still in the church and how he is changing is life, etc. His wife was there also, but later services they never sat together. I thought it was grossly humiliating, degrading and totally unnecessary no matter what the guy did. To parade him in front of hundreds of church goers and say how he committed an awful sin (at least they didnt' get specific!) - it was a horrible experience for me and I wasn't involved. Really crappy IMO.

My partner has several Christians in her family, and after a lifetime of being treated less than equal and looked down on, she wants nothing to do with Christianity. Don't blame her, but it's sad especially considering my own faith beliefs. I like what Awediot says "hope you bring more to Christ than you drive away" or something to that nature.