Everyones input please! Child predators

[Rainbow kittens]

I have been accused several times of being a deviant child predator just because I am among the GLBT community. This is a subject that can cause me to feel anger! Just because a person is GLBT, that does not make them a child predator or pedophile! I have received email lately regarding this issue. I explain to people that I have no desire to interact in sexual ways with children. I try to educate that child predators come from all walks of life. It is not a heterosexual or homosexual “thing”! We too want all children SAFE and LOVED!
Is anyone aware of any GLBT groups that make a stand on this issue? I can’t find any. We considered starting Lesbians against child predators. But that leaves out other people in the GLBT community. Would anyone be willing to share their thoughts, feelings or ideas with us regarding this sensitive issue? How about GLBT Family’s against Child Predators? Or maybe GLBT Christians against Child Predators?

We really need your help and ideas. We had a person try to lure our kindergarten age son; thankfully he is still here and safe because he knew what to do. But we could have lost him in a second. I have a habit of saying what I think. When anyone is harmed we need to make a stand. I do not want anyone’s child found dead in a field raped and murdered! I do not want any child abused or used in a sexual manner!

How can we do this in a positive light? We do not want to cause more hatered, just help keep all children safe. Thoughts and prayers needed!
Thanks Everyone!
Jade

[NathanATX]

Jade,
There are many child advocacy organizations that I'm sure would love to have you join them and maybe start a local chapter in your town.

However, what you're experiencing with these emails and accusations is nothing more than uninformed bigoted attacks.

Start by informing yourself. Read this and the supporting documents. http://www.thetaskforce.org/theissue...cfm?issueID=30

Then realize that you don't have to get into debates with people about the details of things like this. Call it what it is. Respond to those statements like this.

"Saying glbt people are child predators simply reflects the absolute ignorance and bigotry of the speaker. Spend ten minutes in online research and you learn how false and absurd such a claim is. The TRUTH is that this statment is ONLY an attempt to create fear and prejudice in order to make people feel better about judging, condemning and discriminating against glbt people. It is ignorant, abusive, manipulative and, above all, profoundly unGodly."

[Rainbow kittens]

Originally Posted by NathanATX

Jade,
There are many child advocacy organizations that I'm sure would love to have you join them and maybe start a local chapter in your town.

However, what you're experiencing with these emails and accusations is nothing more than uninformed bigoted attacks.

Start by informing yourself. Read this and the supporting documents. http://www.thetaskforce.org/theissue...cfm?issueID=30

Then realize that you don't have to get into debates with people about the details of things like this. Call it what it is. Respond to those statements like this.

"Saying glbt people are child predators simply reflects the absolute ignorance and bigotry of the speaker. Spend ten minutes in online research and you learn how false and absurd such a claim is. The TRUTH is that this statment is ONLY an attempt to create fear and prejudice in order to make people feel better about judging, condemning and discriminating against glbt people. It is ignorant, abusive, manipulative and, above all, profoundly unGodly."

You are the most amazing person! Your words were perfect! Thank you! Being human I sometimes find myself lost for words!! I was sitting shocked (with my mouth hanging open) when I received these emails! I was angry! (I need to work on that! )I was just lost for words and good information! Thank you for being the wonderful, inspirational, special person that you are!
Peace and Love
Jade

[Jennifer5]

I think you'll see this more in Nate as you're around here more... He always seem to know exactly what to say always very helpful

[BruceChris]

Jade: 98% of child molesters are men, and 90+ % of them are straight.

Another thought: Try to respond to judgementalism with openness and kindness, (and self respect!) and always treat the other person as a child of God. (That can be incredibly difficult, especially if you are caught off guard, or you have had a hard day.) This is what Roby and Dotti are doing. They are travelling around the country, doing their best to make friends with prejudiced people, usually conservative Christians, one at a time. They call themselves
www.GayintoStraightAmerica.com
Go check them out online. They're wonderful people. [Edit]: From your other postings, you sound like you have a very good attitude for this sort of thing.

I read of a lesbian couple with children, who moved into a small town in Wisconsin, who faced some hostility. (This was in faithforum.org somewhere, but it's quite large) They set about making friends with everyone in the town, and now they say they are accepted by everyone.
Good luck with Kansas.

Peace and Love, BruceChris

[nowvoyager]

It drives me nuts when people equate us to child molesters or pedeophiles. Then, once I let that anger pass from me, I still remain astonished.

I had this out with someone once who held this view, he said that he believed homosexuals had less self-control than heterosexuals (!), so were more likely to be predators. When I shared that statistic about nearly all child predators are adult men preying on little girls, he then said that it was more damaging to the child if it was a homosexual encounter. He didn't or wouldn't understand my logical and statistical driven premise - alas I wasn't strong enough to continue trying to reason with him and I ended the conversation.

I think, if you are in a public forum, an online message board or amongst others in real life, it's important to tackle such people (with dignity and respect, of course) - as you never know who else may be listening and may need to hear a logical refutation, or at the very least hear someone with dignity stand up against this.
But if it's private email -- sometimes its not worth tackling someone who is not yet capable of hearing. It entirely depends on how strong you are, and how nasty they are, as its not worth risking real damage to your soul, either by letting them get to you and leading you to despair, or by allowing yourself to be provoked. Which is possibly what they want. That's when the "Do not cast your pearls before swine" lesson comes in, I think.

But never if there's someone else around. You never know if a quiet listener is hearing you.. and might just need to hear you to lead them from despair.

[pnggrad79]

Jade,
I am so sorry you are having to deal with this. Nate made some very good suggestions. I hope this resolves soon.

[Rainbow kittens]

Good Morning All,
From both of you!
Thank you BruceChris and NowVoyager For the very deep felt advice. I so very much appreciate the insight and wisdom flowing from you both!
The last thing I want is to spread more hatred. Rather, due to the anger I felt the need to reach out to others to help clear my thoughts and allow the anger pass. I too still remain astonished.
I will share in a nut shell. (Please, remember this is in a very condensed nut shell!) I am sure you will see why I was so stunned! For those who do not believe this story, well…. That is your right. It is a true story.
My Father began to fondle me in a sexual way at the age of three. Then at around age five or six it stopped. Until I turned eleven. Then he raped me. I was told that if I spoke a word to anyone of this abuse, that my Sister and Mother would be killed, and disposed of in a manner that no-one would find them. My sister is handicapped. In my Childs mind I thought I was protecting them by remaining silent. I had no idea I was empowering my abuser! My parents divorced and my father fled with me. My Mother had no idea where I was. She spent all of her money trying to locate me. She never found me. I spent almost five years a prisoner to my father abuse. No-one ever knew. He left a TV on one day and through a talk show I learned that what was happening to me had a name. Abuse and insect. I learned that I had to empower myself and tell someone. The first people at a church I told did not believe me and told my Father what I had said. I received a broken nose and a broken collar bone as my punishment. Both breaks healed with out medical treatment.
I began to think of my Grandfather that had died when I was young. He took me to church and talked to me often about the God that he knew. I began talk to his God.
I don’t know you God, but my Grandfather said that you love everyone and want the best for us all.
The winter months went by and I continued to talk to God. Spring came and I was told to go out behind our very secluded country home and clean up the yard. I did what I was told and while I was working I formed a garden. Using rocks I arranged them into the shape of a cross. My Father came outside; he was very angry and sent me in. I was locked back in my room. I could see the garden in its wondrous shape and ready for life to grow there. I felt more empty and frightened than ever before. I spoke to God. “Please give me a sign that you are there.” “That you hear me.” “That you care.” “I want to live God.” “Help me please.” Nothing happened. I curled in a miserable ball on the floor and cried my self to sleep. I endured another night of my Father drunken abuse. When I awoke in the morning with fresh bruises and a heavy heart full of pain. I stood to look out the window. There In my small garden outlined in rocks were the most beautiful purple wild flowers. Blooming just for me. It was completely filled with flowers. Flowers I normally only saw in the woods. A beautiful purple cross was there for me. God had answered me. My father would not go near this garden. He would not even use the back door!
It took approximately a year before I found the opportunity to tell again. This time I told a Pastor and he fought a huge battle for me. He removed me safely from what had been my home and found my Mother. My father was told in court to go to counseling. He went one time. He followed and threatened me for years, until he died of cancer. I made my way in the world. I am a happy well adjusted person. No, I would not go back and change a thing it made me a stronger, more tolerant person. It helped my form a relationship with God, as I know God. I believe it made me better parent, wife, friend and person.
Yes this was me Jade as a child. I have never wanted to become violent towards child predators or pedophiles. That is not my goal. I want to help everyone involved if possible. I do not believe that this would have been any more traumatic for me had my abuser been homosexual. For me that was never an issue.
My story often provokes the question; “are you lesbian because of what your Father did to you. Of course the obvious answer is, “NO”.
I would rather have the opportunity to help educate regarding this issue, than to form a group that becomes an angry mob.
Peace and Love to Everyone
Jade

Foot Note:
For those of you that have emailed me in the past and also NowVoyager, thank you for the reminder of the quiet listeners. And yes, RainbowSunShine, I am working hard here to write in a manner that anyone of any education level can understand keep up with the suggestions!
I am soon off to the university to work on a degree on Sociology.

[Rainbow kittens]

Originally Posted by pnggrad79

Jade,
I am so sorry you are having to deal with this. Nate made some very good suggestions. I hope this resolves soon.

Thank you it was really very simple after I was calmed down! I answered those where I thought I might plant a seed. I deleted those that threatened violence and blocked their email. Reported the one that continues to send treating email by changing their email accounts and I am happily going on with life!

[srspring]

IMO Sexual child abuse primarily takes place and always has taken place by hetrosexuals. Most child sexual abuse takes place in the form of incest. Incest is within the hetrosexual family. It has always been an issue with hetrosexuals and part of their deep family secrets passed on from generation to generation. It would be interesting to see the true statistics of how many hetrosexual fathers have incested their children. How many preachers have incested children. Since most child predators were once abused themselves, it stands to reason that even any homosexual child predators are the way they are because of hetrosexual sexual abuse! This is where it all starts. The religious right dwells on sick perverted thoughts and try to pass this shame onto the homosexuals. My partner's uncle(Baptist) told my partner's grandmother that Gay people are sick because they pee on each other! True or not, it just goes to show how people that shame Gays are just seething with sick perverted thoughts. I wonder how many woman alive today are hiding secrets of sexual abuse at the hands of their fathers, grandfathers and uncles? As you can see, child sexual abuse is for the most part, a hetrosexual issue that has kept them shame based for generations! Those who say homosexuals are responsible for child sexual abuse are actually just just sick individuals!

[Rainbow kittens]

Originally Posted by srspring

IMO Sexual child abuse primarily takes place and always has taken place by hetrosexuals. Most child sexual abuse takes place in the form of incest. Incest is within the hetrosexual family. It has always been an issue with hetrosexuals and part of their deep family secrets passed on from generation to generation. It would be interesting to see the true statistics of how many hetrosexual fathers have incested their children. How many preachers have incested children. Since most child predators were once abused themselves, it stands to reason that even any homosexual child predators are the way they are because of hetrosexual sexual abuse! This is where it all starts. The religious right dwells on sick perverted thoughts and try to pass this shame onto the homosexuals. My partner's uncle(Baptist) told my partner's grandmother that Gay people are sick because they pee on each other! True or not, it just goes to show how people that shame Gays are just seething with sick perverted thoughts. I wonder how many woman alive today are hiding secrets of sexual abuse at the hands of their fathers, grandfathers and uncles? As you can see, child sexual abuse is for the most part, a hetrosexual issue that has kept them shame based for generations! Those who say homosexuals are responsible for child sexual abuse are actually just just sick individuals!

I agree with what you have had to say.
It does not have to be passed on from generation to generation though. I made a conscious choice to not pass it on! I remember in my younger years of healing when a Christian Physiatrist told me that she felt I should never consider having children. I began laughing; I told her she made it sound like I did not have choices.
I never experienced the desire to abuse my children in any manner.
I began to educate them form and early age as what to do if they found themselves becoming a victim of abuse form anyone.
If you have been a victim and are hiding secrets of sexual abuse at the hands of your fathers, grandfathers and uncles or by whom-ever. Find someone to talk to. You are a beautiful child of God and loved by God and others. I pray for your journey of healing.
Love and Peace to All
Jade

[srspring]

Dear Jade,

Sorry, I must not have read all the material. I did leave out a very important point! YES! YES! YES!! Once someone works through their abuse in therapy the cycle is stopped. I am sorry I failed to mention such a key point. This is where most religious people screw up! They are trying to kill their pain by running to an addictive closed system religion and never really work through their issues. Also, to my knowledge, I have never been sexually abused as a child. I have worked through a lot of other issues in therapy over the years. Sexual abuse has not been one of my issues. If it were I would certainly have addressed it in therapy to work through it. Like I have said in previous post, John Bradshaw (www.bradshawcassettes.com) has all the answers to most of these topics. And I do mean he has the answers. Bradshaw is the man!!

Best to you!
srspring

[Zerbie]

As to the thread-topic, it's completely irrational and illogical to make such an assertion. It's bizarre.

Happened to me once, about 10 years ago. I was seeing a doctor who told his entire office staff that I was molesting children. One of the staff quit partially in response to that, and she was the one who told me what he said. Had she not told me, I would have never known my doc was making that assumption! So I immediately changed docs. It never occured to me at the time that I could probably have made a complaint.

Such a story Jade! That's amazing. I'm glad you survived and came through strong. It is annoying at best, when others suggest your orientation is because of abuse. That kind of reduces all of you to nothing but a response to abuse, like there's nothing else to you. Which is ridiculous.

[Jennifer5]

I'm so sorry to hear that Jade. You seem so strong now, that it's hard to believe that something like that could have ever happened. It's amazing that you were/are so strong

[Dash]

Jade,

I'm so glad that you found your flowers in the midst of your stones.

I did not know that my own grandfather (father's side) had molested his daughter, my aunt, until I was out of college. She did not survive her adversity, but ended her life when I was too young to know or remember her. He was as heterosexual as they come, with many girlfriends throughout his marriage to my grandmother.

He died some years ago, not long after my mother told me this family secret, but I still sometimes struggle to wrap my mind around these things. They never affected me directly, and I never experienced any kind of abuse, but I look back now and realize there was pall over all the years of Sunday dinners and TV evenings. He never accepted any responsibility, according to my mother, though they all went to counseling with the old pastor of the Mennonite Church I grew up in.

Quite frankly, I view all of my kin outside of my mom, dad and two brothers as a wacky house of insanity. I am so lucky to have had such wonderful parents. They themselves came from difficult homes, and somehow out of all of their siblings, they spontaneously generated a well of peace and stability for me and my brothers.

Course, I had my own sorrows as an adult, but that's another story...

I'm glad to see that you also have found a place of peace. Keep your peace with you and do not let rude people steal it away.

[nowvoyager]

Kansas, what a story and how brave of you to overcome and to tell it. Your story is an example of how people can decide to not allow the abuse to go into the next generation, through self examination and spiritual growth. Good for you! I loved the purple flowers in the cross. I hope you have amethysts around you now.
How annoying when people suggest same-sex attraction is due to abuse. If the figures on incest are true that would mean heterosexuals would be the one-in-ten, right! I do find a significant proportion of my same-sex acquaintance have come from dysfunctional homes (myself included, as an ACoA) but I think that more to do with a greater willingness to be open about it than heterosexuals (generally speaking) -- There's not so much of the shame factor as we've already worked hard inside to come out of the BIG closet, so admitting childhood "secrets" is somewhat easier.

[SolApollo]

When I worked for a small public library, I came out to my coworkers. It was a big mistake, which I have not repeated since that time. I was harrassed and treated like dirt by my so-called "friends." One coworker, a very conservative woman, told children that I was a vampire (seriously). Another coworker suggested the Abu Gharib incident turned me on (I was repulsed by the notion). Anyway, I know how you feel. Being apart of the LGBT community, strangely, causes fear, hatred, and paranoia among some heterosexual people against us.

Like others have posted, the majority of pedofiles (in the 90+% range) are heterosexual. There are pro-lgbt organizations that can help. I know of a LGBT Teachers Support Group among educators.

Peace & Blessings to you.

[Jennifer5]

I started another thread on the issue... but don't let me take you from this one...


Thread >>> " friend/self has been abused... "

[keltic63]

I have briefly skimmed over this thread, as there is so much to catch up on here in the forums. What I "caught" as I skimmed is really amazing to me. I'm a teacher, and I see kids who are abused, so I know that it's going on. However, I'm really shocked to hear what some of you have gone through; it's heartbreaking. The stories of abuse from co-workers and family, that's another thing that I just don't get, and I'm happy to say that I haven't suffered that kind of insulting behavior. I feel blessed to have it so good when I hear your stories.

[Emproph]

Here's my take on it Jade.

Originally Posted by Lesbian family in Kansas

My story often provokes the question; “are you lesbian because of what your Father did to you. Of course the obvious answer is, “NO”.

That’s the quintessential Biblical conundrum of “are they evil because they’re homosexual or are they homosexual because they’re evil?” Forever avoiding the very possibility that homosexuality may not be a sin at all. (In this case "caused" by something and therefore 'fixable')

Originally Posted by Lesbian family in Kansas

I would rather have the opportunity to help educate regarding this issue, than to form a group that becomes an angry mob.
Peace and Love to Everyone
Jade

First of all, we should not required to denounce CHILD ABUSE any more than we should be required to denounce MURDER! Attempting to put us in this defensive position is just another one of their tactics.
___________________

One of the more intensely despicable attempts to portray all gay persons as pedophiles. (On the Florida4Marriage.org website -and many others):

Growing influence of NAMBLA (North American Male Boy Love Association) which shamelessly promotes sex between adults and children. This organization has not been endorsed by most gay and lesbian publications, but it has not been condemned either.

Their motto, “Sex before eight or else it’s too late.”

My Response:
1 It's an attempt to connect and portray two people interested in committing to each other with the act of raping children.

2 When was the last time you described child abuse, or abuse of any kind, as something that happened BETWEEN two people?

3 The disclaimer that “This organization has not been endorsed by most gay and lesbian publications” is dismissed by “but it has not been condemned either.” Implying that somehow we are responsible for going out of our way to condemn child abuse yet haven’t done so!

4 Ending with: “Their motto, “Sex before eight or else it’s too late.” Ensuring the impression of doubt that perhaps this is acceptable to ALL gays and lesbians.
___________________________

This one’s even more egregious:

Former Congressman, William Dannemeyer read the following statement written by Michael Swift in Gay Community News:

We shall sodomize your sons …We shall seduce them in your schools, in your dormitories, in your gymnasiums, in your locker rooms, in your sports arenas, in your seminaries, etc…they will come to crave and adore us...

It get's worse from there but it's satire presented as fact. They intentionally omit the title:

This essay is an outré, madness, a tragic, cruel fantasy, an eruption of inner rage, on how the oppressed desperately dream of being the oppressor.

Check out the scoop on that one.
________________________________

Now those are just examples of scurrilous innuendo, but Boxturtlebulletin.com does an excellent job of challenging and dissecting the statistical and study data they attempt to use against us.

One of the articles there reminded me of your original post in this thread.
_________________________________

Conclusion:

I have considered this challenge as far as improving our image in the way you seem to be concerned about and so far what I have come up with is that we need to pick up the ball where the so called Christians are failing. (Because they’re too busy fighting us among other things)

Have our GLBT centers collecting food and donations for the entire community, network and outreach with churches to do so. Make them safe haven centers for everyone whether child or adult. Advertise and promote them as-such.

Let them howl about our motives for tending to those in need as being political, it's what we should be doing anyway.

On a more ambitious note, how about a national center for the missing and exploited children of Gay and Lesbian parents? Are there any special challenges Gay and Lesbian parents face when reporting a missing child?

And start using the word PARENTS in the same sentence as the word GAYS as often as possible!

I’d be interested in seeing any emails like that. Let me know if you feel the need to respond to anything specific or even ambiguous. Confusion by ambiguity is half their game.